[There's a slight break in his expression, a trembling falter at her words.]
Then why didn't...
[He bites his words back—literally, his teeth catch his tongue and press down against it to stop himself. That's not the question he should be asking, not the point he should bring up. Not when she could ask the same of him and be just as valid in doing so. That was the past, and they've beaten the circle of that argument so many times he stopped expecting anything from it. Both were wrong, that's it. It still swirls and affects them, but they need to step away from it. Or at least one of them needs so they can pull the other out, and that would have to be himself.
So his gaze drops briefly as he tries to mute those voices that continue to cut and scrape against his skull and heart, trying to open those old wounds as if to try and stop him from continuing this pursuit any further. Because as much as they try to distort her words, remind him how he heard similar things once before and how empty it ended up being, he knows deep down it's different.
Knows that it's taking her a lot to say even that much, and that such acceptance and want from him is genuine. He's not blind; even if she doesn't say it as clearly as he does, he can see it in what she does, what she tries to do. The depth hidden beneath her trembling gaze. Her own hurts that she's trying to deal with to even come this close in meeting him in the middle.
Besides, he doesn't even know what he wants to hear, or if he would feel any different even if she said the perfect thing.
So no, he shouldn't hold it against her that she's doing what he wished she would have all those years ago. What matters is she's making that choice now. Just like she might be feeling the same about his decisions and choices now.]
...No, I'm sorry—I know what you meant.
[There's a slight smile, though it doesn't quite fully meet his eyes, obscured by the shadows that remain. A touch of his fingertips that run over her arms as if to reassure her that is genuine, yet still longing. It's hard when he's still wrestling with those old feelings he wishes he could rid himself of. To be happy now with how far they've come.
And he is, but it will be quite some time before that "true happiness" will be able to shine without being dragged under by the shadows that stubbornly cling to them.]
And you were and always will be the only one for me.
no subject
Then why didn't...
[He bites his words back—literally, his teeth catch his tongue and press down against it to stop himself. That's not the question he should be asking, not the point he should bring up. Not when she could ask the same of him and be just as valid in doing so. That was the past, and they've beaten the circle of that argument so many times he stopped expecting anything from it. Both were wrong, that's it. It still swirls and affects them, but they need to step away from it. Or at least one of them needs so they can pull the other out, and that would have to be himself.
So his gaze drops briefly as he tries to mute those voices that continue to cut and scrape against his skull and heart, trying to open those old wounds as if to try and stop him from continuing this pursuit any further. Because as much as they try to distort her words, remind him how he heard similar things once before and how empty it ended up being, he knows deep down it's different.
Knows that it's taking her a lot to say even that much, and that such acceptance and want from him is genuine. He's not blind; even if she doesn't say it as clearly as he does, he can see it in what she does, what she tries to do. The depth hidden beneath her trembling gaze. Her own hurts that she's trying to deal with to even come this close in meeting him in the middle.
Besides, he doesn't even know what he wants to hear, or if he would feel any different even if she said the perfect thing.
So no, he shouldn't hold it against her that she's doing what he wished she would have all those years ago. What matters is she's making that choice now. Just like she might be feeling the same about his decisions and choices now.]
...No, I'm sorry—I know what you meant.
[There's a slight smile, though it doesn't quite fully meet his eyes, obscured by the shadows that remain. A touch of his fingertips that run over her arms as if to reassure her that is genuine, yet still longing. It's hard when he's still wrestling with those old feelings he wishes he could rid himself of. To be happy now with how far they've come.
And he is, but it will be quite some time before that "true happiness" will be able to shine without being dragged under by the shadows that stubbornly cling to them.]
And you were and always will be the only one for me.