[The hesitation and fear she shows in that little touch hurts him more than if she did yell at him. More than if they did just shout and argued like they used to. At least when they yell and fall into the old hate, they aren't being sensitive or holding back. Yet now...
She may have cut off her words, but he hears it. That hint of regret of not going with him. He had caught it before another time, but maybe that is what he wanted to hear, or at least something like that. That she, too, wished she had chosen differently, that she regrets, even a little. And even if she doesn't wholly say it, he doesn't need it. Not anymore. Once upon a time he would have, but it would have just been for a hollow sense of satisfaction. Just an empty affirmation of being "right" when really it didn't matter at all.
Instead, her attempts now are what he needs because her small steps in attempts is equal to someone's mile long jump. He is more bullheaded and open about it, but this is her way to reconcile, express her regret. Which is why he will finish it for her, quickly grab her hand and thread their fingers together because where she hesitates, he will reach out and pull her to where he knows she's trying to be. One day she will get there on her own, but for now he can do this for her. Help build that strength, and... Do it for himself, too. Be impatient and selfish.]
I know.
[His voice is low and quiet, but it's not as strained or as resigned as before.]
...Now, at least.
[He didn't know at all back then. He knew she was at first, but then over the months and years, she wore that skin so well, hid everything from him so well, she fooled him too well. And with his own insecurities and doubts building, as their relationship became more strained and he saw less and less of her—it only makes sense that he wouldn't have been able to see it.
And considering how well Barnabas kept them apart, limiting even any opportunity for them to see each other...
But these were all revelations he didn't know until after. Until it was too late and they reached that point of no return.
If she had just said—
No. Again, not the time. Instead...]
Are you afraid now...?
[Now. He needs to focus on the now, the future. The past will still exist and haunt them, but he can't let them stay in it.]
no subject
She may have cut off her words, but he hears it. That hint of regret of not going with him. He had caught it before another time, but maybe that is what he wanted to hear, or at least something like that. That she, too, wished she had chosen differently, that she regrets, even a little. And even if she doesn't wholly say it, he doesn't need it. Not anymore. Once upon a time he would have, but it would have just been for a hollow sense of satisfaction. Just an empty affirmation of being "right" when really it didn't matter at all.
Instead, her attempts now are what he needs because her small steps in attempts is equal to someone's mile long jump. He is more bullheaded and open about it, but this is her way to reconcile, express her regret. Which is why he will finish it for her, quickly grab her hand and thread their fingers together because where she hesitates, he will reach out and pull her to where he knows she's trying to be. One day she will get there on her own, but for now he can do this for her. Help build that strength, and... Do it for himself, too. Be impatient and selfish.]
I know.
[His voice is low and quiet, but it's not as strained or as resigned as before.]
...Now, at least.
[He didn't know at all back then. He knew she was at first, but then over the months and years, she wore that skin so well, hid everything from him so well, she fooled him too well. And with his own insecurities and doubts building, as their relationship became more strained and he saw less and less of her—it only makes sense that he wouldn't have been able to see it.
And considering how well Barnabas kept them apart, limiting even any opportunity for them to see each other...
But these were all revelations he didn't know until after. Until it was too late and they reached that point of no return.
If she had just said—
No. Again, not the time. Instead...]
Are you afraid now...?
[Now. He needs to focus on the now, the future. The past will still exist and haunt them, but he can't let them stay in it.]