closed 🪶 i'm in the end, just what you made me.

[garudas]

Who: Benedikta Harman & others.
Status: Closed.
Where: Around.
What: Catch-all log for November.
Warnings: FFXVI spoilers. Definitely lots of foul language.

[If you would like a closed starter, please feel free to poke me over at my plotting post and we can plot something! 💚]

Comments

[ramuhs]

I just need a nice, long nap and I'll be good to go.

[His feet sway—but they don't move. He's too comfortable now, stretched out as he is.

However, he does catch how she once again mentions his condition...]

[garudas]

[Ugh his feet! On her table!!!]

Was that nap not enough?

[Yes, she is bringing up his condition because she has certainly seen him have better days. But more than that, there are indeed reasons that she refuses to give voice to. Reasons that she already has voiced in the past.

But before he can answer, she speaks up again.]

Still, do not push yourself until then. I promise I won't go easy on you.

[ramuhs]

It was a start...though I wouldn't mind another one like if it.

[Wink wink. He couldn't resist.

However—]

But you seem quite concerned about me.

[Briiiinging it back up again.]

[garudas]

[Oh, she could slap him right now if she had the energy to!!!

But she resists, instead turning her gaze away when he broaches that topic again.]

And? If I am?

[Is he really that surprised, given what had happened only a few days ago? Though, she didn't think that he would feel the need to point it out again. She was content for them to continue on pretending that she wasn't, but there is something in her expression that softens, some of that edge disappearing.]

[ramuhs]

[Oh, he thought she would protest more.]

Then I would tell you that I really am fine. Admittedly a bit tired, but no worse for wear.

[And then his eyes focus on her own complexion.]

Not that you seem be any better.

[She certainly looks more exhausted than usual.]

[garudas]

[She might have protested a little more were it not for their recent exchanges, but...]

Hardly, when you looked like that.

[It's muttered under her breath and a deliberate drag from her pipe.]

And are you worried about me?

[Ignoring the fact that yes, she is tired, and yes, she has felt better than she does now. She has been resting, but she is also restless. She can never sit still for too long, and so she has been out and about trying to find things to focus on to keep her mind busy elsewhere.]

[ramuhs]

[Okay he had been tiny, yes, but no injuries! He's call that "fine." So just a small roll of his eyes before she bristles in what presumes to be defense.]

You shouldn't sound so surprised.

[Of course he is!! Especially since the last he saw her was when she came crashing down to destroy those execution grounds and almost primed. He doesn't think she's still worn out from that, it's been a few days since then at least. But he eyes her all the same.]

[garudas]

[Would he believe her if she said that she was still worn out from that? And the after effects that have rippled through the few days it's been since they saw one another?

But there's a twitch in her brow, and one at the corner of her lip to match, a frown ghosting over her features before it all but disappears.]

... I did not ask for you to be. Nor do I need it.

[She doesn't like how he's eyeing her like this, feeling scrutinized under his stare.]

[ramuhs]

[There she goes, trying to play tough...]

Need it or not, better get used to it.

[His gaze still remains on her, and while he is trying to respect her privacy a bit, knowing she won't be so open about things...]

Are you still recovering from before? How's your shoulder?

[He's going to ask anyway.]

[garudas]

[She clicks her tongue.]

Was this what you came all this way for?

[To interrogate her about her health?]

My shoulder is on the mend, so you need not worry about that.

[It's still a bit stiff and sore, and the attention that he brings to it has her stretching it out slightly.]

I don't like when you fret about it. I'll be back to my normal self in a few days.

[ramuhs]

[That gets a bit of a small laugh.]

I'm not fretting.

[Concerned.]

If there's anyone who is "fretting" here it's you.

[Of course he's saying that lightly, as if teasing her.]

[garudas]

What about all I have said is fretting? I was simply warning you at the time.

[A pause so she can flash him a pointed stare because he's plucked yet another feather with that one.]

Warning you that all of your ideas have been terrible and would bring you trouble.

[But did he listen? Noooooo.

she's totally "fretting"]

[ramuhs]

Warning is one thing, but you haven't really stopped since I got here.

[Or even from before.]

[garudas]

And why should I?

[Stop, she means. She intends to bash him over the head with it until he stops doing what he does.

Though, any lightness, any hostility, any arrogance dies away the moment her voice goes quiet.]

If I keep reminding you, maybe you'll cut it with the heroics.

[ramuhs]

[...

His gaze goes up to the ceiling—to that burnt spot.]

It's not as if I'm trying to be some "hero."

[Hero, savior, what nonsense. He certainly doesn't really see himself as one even if he knows many call him that and more.

I'm no savior. Just a conceited old fool.

But when he glances back at her, if there was ever one time he wished he really could have been...]

Are you really so scared something will happen to me?

[garudas]

[She could have snapped her pipe in her fingers then.]

We've been over this already, Cidolfus.

[As in, he should know the answer to that by now. He shouldn't need her to say so. That was the whole reason she'd wanted to scream at him the last time they saw each other, wasn't it?

He knows.]

[ramuhs]

[He knows, which is why he can't completely fault her for it. So for a moment, he just sits there, biting his tongue for a moment, actually contemplating letting her have this. At the same time, he worries this may become something more unhealthy.]

I understand, but you can have a bit more faith in me than that. I've been through worse situations. You being one of them.

[You know.

Kicking his ass and knocking him into the statue.]

[garudas]

[Oh, she knows. And he still wants to take that bet with her?]

Faith? I have faith that you've a nose for trouble, and that you seek it when you pick up a scent without much regard for your own skin.

[Yes, she's scared that it will happen to him again. And it certainly didn't help that she'd just lost Barnabas, too... but she isn't going to open up that deep wound.

This one cuts deep enough as it is, and she is already annoyed that he's poked it. But she buckles under it, her voice going quiet.]

It died when I saw you on your knees in those gallows.

[Yes, she knows he had a "plan", and that there were men in the sidelines waiting to rescue him, but what is she supposed to believe because where she was standing, it was her who had to do all the fucking work.]

[ramuhs]

[She didn't have to do anything, she took it upon herself. But he just sighs.]

I'll give you that one, but you're not much better. You almost lost control, and if it weren't for me, mind you, you would have. There was also the time with the dolphins and who knows what else you get up to.

[Pointed look at her shoulders now. That got injured. Twice now.]

[garudas]

[The same shoulder, too. Whoops.

There's the briefest flicker of aether that rises in her chest, and it makes her breath catch in her throat when she feels it—Garuda there, as if she were listening in on their conversation, beating her wings against her cage. She's used to it, so she stems it easily enough, and leans forward to put out her pipe, the taste for it completely gone.]

Why so concerned for me?

[In her defense, the dolphins were an accident, but he really didn't need to bring that up. What's with him all of a sudden anyway?]

Start worrying about yourself more first, Cidolfus.

[ramuhs]

[...Wow.

Really?

She's doing this?]

Bit of a pot calling the kettle black. You here preaching when you don't follow your own words.

[garudas]

[Excuse?

She whips her gaze around to him.]

I do take care of myself, Cidolfus. That is all I ever do.

[She doesn't have much of a choice when a world can be as cutthroat as their own in a lot of ways. Even more so now that she has to find a way to not only survive, but to stay.]

It's you that winds up with his head on the chopping block. You who tries to prime. You who ends up falling into my traps. If it were not for you, I would not have almost lost control at the gallows.

[ramuhs]

Take care of yourself?

[Well now his feet are finally off that table—but not for a great reason as he stares hard at her.]

You fly off on your own, reject any form of help, and you just admitted you could lose control of yourself. If you had primed, what then? If you let Garuda take control of you again, what then, eh?

[His voice rises a little, the memories of the last time she primed once more surfacing.]

And you say I shouldn't be concerned? When you're doing the exact same to me? Can you hear yourself?

[garudas]

[She only would have because she found him like that!? But she isn't going to repeat herself again, they have been over that already, and he's already pressed salt into her wounds. The many, many wounds that she has tried to nurse this past week, many—if not most—of them there because of him.]

I am saying that.

[She's turned to face him, matching his hard stare with her own.

Hypocritical or not...]

You nearly died, Cidolfus! Don't ask me "what then" when—

[Whoops. She still can't let it go.

Her words fall away and she eyes him for a good, long moment before she's shoving herself to her feet to pace across the room.]

[ramuhs]

I nearly died?

[He now stands, a rare display of heated emotion and anger showing.]

You did!

[He had tried so, so hard not to bring this up. Did not want to go through this all again. But he couldn't let this stand anymore.]