escordvi | [Closed log]

Entry tags:

faulkner,
hawks

[Closed log]

Who: Faulkner & Hawks
Status: Closed
Where: Eltrut
What: Faulkner invites his boyfriend to the Wishing Tree
Warnings: Faulk’s probably going to talk about his past as a semi-villainous cult leader. I'll add anything more specific if it happens!

[ Since the ‘wishing tree’ itself is getting a lot of foot traffic—couples and friends and whatever else taking the chance to stop by before the night is over—Faulkner decided to set up a little picnic spot nearby, but tucked just a bit out of the way.

In practice, he got about halfway through setting up said picnic and then started to pace instead.

When he first had the thought to invite Keigo out for this, it was truly just a whim.

An excuse to make an evening out of seeing some pretty flowers and maybe making some promises to each other; to be sweet to his boyfriend, even if the traditions around the tree are just as likely to be nothing more than a local legend.

Unfortunately, he's prone to overthinking and that's exactly what he's found himself doing now. Things have been so very good between them. So easy.

…Can they really just stay that way? ]

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[ Keigo, in general, is very easy to please. He's happiest with a warm meal in his stomach and that's as far as his dreams tend to extend, and while he dotes on Richie, he doesn't expect or require it in return.

Beyond that, he needs only ask and Keigo would appear no matter how short notice the whim of wanting to see him is. He's still marvelling at the fact that Richie wants to see him more often. That makes him happy.

He drops down, windswept and all smiles as he spies him from above and he grins brightly. ]

Heeeeey!

[ He jumps a little, like a startled cat. He really shouldn't be surprised at all—Keigo never exactly takes long to show up anywhere—but he was getting lost in the weeds of his thoughts. He does his best to play it off with a laugh. ]

Hey.

[ He hesitates a tiny bit more than he normally would, but then he'll lean up on his tiptoes to give Keigo a quick little kiss. ]

Would you uh... would you come sit with me?

[ He got as far as laying out a picnic blanket, so there's a nice spot for that; and treats that he hasn't unpacked yet, but he did make because he's apparently going keep doting on Keigo right back. ]

Edited 2026-04-27 00:50 (UTC)

[ Hawks' smile doesn't waver, his head tilts though, a sign of his curiosity. Why did Richie seem so jumpy? He figured he'd give him a chance to tell him, instead of trying to push for an answer, at first. ]

Yeah, of course!

[ At the very least, he's happy to see Richie, but he usually is. His wings tremble slightly with his excitement. ]

Alright.

[ Richie notices the little tremble in the wings, and something twists in his chest. Normally it would make him smile that Keigo is excited to see him, and it still does mow, but it also makes him feel a little bad for planning to try and make himself have... a hard conversation.

For now he just takes Keigo's hand and gently tugs him over to sit together before letting go. ]

Made us some meat pies an' some strawberry tarts. Those ones are a new recipe so we'll have to see if they turned out any good.

[ Kind of just talking for the sake of talking. ]

[ Keigo's always been intuitive, and he knows something is up, even if he has no idea what it is. That doesn't diminish how he feels about things though. ]

That sounds good. [ He does feel a little bad that Richie seems stuck having so many meat dishes, because maybe he might not want to, but he'll let that go for now, he can fret about that later. ]

[ That gets a smile, but then he's just quiet for a moment, before looking away. Which is a little unusual given how much he normally likes eye contact. He fidgets absently with a loose thread on one of his sleeves.

If he doesn't do it now he'll just put it off again and again and again--and that's not fair to Keigo, is it? ]

I think uh... I think maybe there's some things we ought to talk about. That I ought to talk about.

[ Richie is definitely acting strange, and Keigo's on the verge of asking what's wrong when he starts talking and he settles down a little bit, curious but concerned. ]

Okay, I mean...anything you want Richie, but I'm kinda in the dark here so...

[ If he's done something, he'd like to know. ]

[ He can't help a very tired little snort at that comment. ]

I know. Sorry. That's... that's what I'm tryin' to apologise for really.

[ He sighs, fidgets a little more, glances over at the tree with all the pretty flowers. ]

I thought this tradition sounded sweet, you know?

[ This isn't actually meant as a change of subject, more an explanation of why he's doing this now. Which does feel silly. Of all the things to make him crack after all these months. But maybe it's more just the fact that he has been putting it off this long, and it's eating at him. ]

And then I thought... I don't think it'd be right to ask any promises of you when I haven't been very honest with you.

Edited (typo I missed) 2026-04-27 22:03 (UTC)

[ Keigo likes to think, and actually knows, that he has a pretty good read on most people. That doesn't mean that people can't get things past him. In all this time he hadn't really thought Richie was doing anything that could be seen as deceitful. ]

It does sound sweet, but I'm not sure what you could be keeping from me.

[ He can admit that. ]

I'm not sure it's going to warrant an apology either, but alright, tell me.

[ He glances at Keigo and shifts a little, uncertain if he actually believes the idea it won't warrant an apology. ]

Well it's--it's true that I haven't lied to you. I mean, I haven't told you any lies. An' I haven't been false with my feelings, either. Not at all.

[ That seems important to make clear. Keigo is very, very important to him. There's no ulterior motive there. ]

But I have been keeping things from you. From... everyone here. About myself. About who I was back in my world.

[ And his tone certainly implies that he isn't proud of whoever that was. ]

[ That at least, is something that makes more sense, not that Keigo is perfect about lie detection, but he feels better knowing that he hasn't completely lost his touch. ]

I can't really fault you for that, I mean... [ Keigo rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. ]

I really really glossed over a lot, but I also don't usually talk about myself.

I suppose that's true. But you have told me... a lot.

[ Technically he's told Keigo a lot too. He's told Keigo things he hasn't told anyone else. He's just left out a whole lot as well. ]

An' I think--I think you can fault me if it's things that might change how you feel about me.

[ A large part of him is hoping they won't. But he feels like they will, or at least should, and either way he wants to brace himself. ]

More than I've told anyone else in my life, both here and at home.

[ He doesn't know if that would ever change, it's just never come up, even if he's a bit more open to sharing. ]

I don't think that's going to happen, but you should tell me if that's what you want to do.

[ He can't help feeling a little warm at that first part. The second does make him pause. What if he doesn't want to? Could he just... say that? Still? Would things actually go back to normal if he did? ]

It's not that I... want to, exactly. A part of me wants to just--just put it all behind me.

[ A little pause. ]

But I feel as if I should.

[ He takes a deep breath. Now that he's gotten this far he's not entirely sure where to start. ]

The truth is I'm not a good man. Or at least I haven't always been.

[ Richie should definitely feel flattered, but Keigo's not the type to push and he has secrets upon secrets, he would be a hypocrite if he didn't let something like that drop, but then he continued. ]

Why do you think that? [ Before he emphatically disagrees, he'd like to know why. ]

[ He takes a moment to try to gather his thoughts. ]

I could... I could tell you the whole story I suppose, start at the beginning, if you like.

[ He fidgets a tiny bit more, still not looking directly at Keigo. ]

But I think that because--because it's true. Because I have blood on my hands, Keigo, because--

[ Another deep breath, he'll try not to just babble, but now that he's started that might be a losing battle. ]

I've hurt a lot of people. Some of them--some of them would have caused more harm. Some of them needed to be stopped. But not... all of them. And I've failed others. I've let people... get hurt in my name. I've been selfish and a coward and a monster.

[ He wants to argue that Richie is not a monster, but he sits on the impulse because he's not trying to shut down the conversation, even if he disagrees. Instead he scoots a little closer on the blanket and pulls his wing around him, a gentle weight draped over his shoulders. ]

There's a lot I want to say, but I'm listening. I'll hear you out.

[ Faulkner shivers a little, but he doesn't pull away. He's not sure if he deserves to be held just now, but he won't quite object. Although it creates the possibility that Keigo will stop holding him at some point in the conversation and that would hurt more. ]

...Okay.

[ He takes another moment. ]

I told you that I have a history with a river god. The Trawler-man.

[ Is that the first time he's actually said that name here? It might be. ]

I first found him when I was just a boy. I would have been--still twelve, I think. In the beginning.

You did tell me about the river god, even if I'm not entirely sure I get the concept of your deities in your world. [ Keigo can admit that, but that's probably not shocking in any way. ]

That's alright. It's... complicated, even when you live there. You don't have to understand it all.

[ He's not sure he ultimately does. ]

But I was young, and when I didn't want to go to school I'd explore the vast forest. I found this water tank, just some rusty abandoned thing only--only it was deep, and dark, and filled with life like I didn't recognise at all. And if you looked in it for too long your reflection would go strange.

[ Maybe that's more detail than he needs to give, but he's setting a scene. ]

I'd sit there for hours. My secret place. And... eventually he began to speak to me. Or to make it feel as if he did.

[ Maybe nothing is as clear cut as he thought, but he definitely experienced something real. He knows he did. ]

That sounds really lonely to just sit there, or maybe, I don't know, something drew you in.

[ He was mostly musing about the story, not really giving an opinion about Richie's actions. ]

It's possible that he did. [ He can believe that, there are things in worlds that Keigo doesn't understand or have reference to, and that doesn't mean they don't exist. ]

I was lonely anyway. But maybe it did. There were prayer marks on that tank. Never did find out who put ‘em there.

[ Which is almost funny, given it shaped the entire course of his life. But there’s not much point trying to figure that out now. ]

After that I–I did something… terrible. Not exactly on purpose but not exactly– [ He sighs. ] It was my responsibility. The Trawler-man didn’t make me.

[ He doesn’t think so at least. Or he doesn’t want to use that as an excuse. Maybe he just can’t bear to share blame, like his dad said. Either way, he can’t quite make himself spell it out, not actually talk about Charlie. He’ll leave this one thing glossed over, if Keigo lets him. ]

But he did… he told me I was a good boy for doin’ something so difficult. For bein’ brave. I don’t think anyone had ever told me that before. Don’t think anyone had even told me I could be.

That is... [ He doesn't ask, Richie is entitled to keep anything from him that he likes. ]

That's the kind of thing people who are manipulating you say to encourage that same behaviour. Especially with kids.

...I know. I know that now.

[ But he was young and he wasn't getting attention anywhere else. Keigo already has plenty of context for that, though. Everything he told him about his family situation was true, even if he left this part out.

He curls in on himself a bit more. ]

That's good. I know that knowing that doesn't...really change things.

[ Keigo definitely knows, he is so stuck in his ways, his fears which he doesn't know how to fix and he hasn't said as much, but he's sure that Richie might be able to recognize those things for himself. ]

...Yeah.

[ He's just quiet for a moment, but he gives Keigo a gentle little nudge with his shoulder, some kind of acknowledgement. Keigo does know, doesn't he?

But it doesn't really change things, and even knowing it was manipulative in the beginning doesn't mean he's really entirely processed that, or what that means for what came later. Right now he's not sure it's making him feel any better to dwell on it. ]

Anyway. It wasn't too hard to figure out who it was. To put a name to the voice. Turned out there used to be followers all up and down the length of the White Gull river, a whole culture the Legislatures tried to stamp out of existence before I was born.

Edited (typo) 2026-04-28 20:54 (UTC)

[ He offers him a thin little smile, but this isn't about him and his problems and he's not going to get into that, not unless Richie wants to later. He's listening now, hearing out his story. ]

A waning god, losing power huh. A pretty classic reason to recruit someone.

Yes. Losing power, being forgotten... tryin' to do whatever tricks would get new hands to feed it.

[ And it worked, of course. Hook, line, and sinker. But he's getting a little ahead of himself. ]

After dad left I wasn't sure where else to turn. I told you I set out on my own--wasn't about to just stay in that damn house until it finished fallin' apart--I was looking for what was left of them. Of the Parish of Tide and Flesh. Figured if anyone would help me it'd be my own people.

[ His tone doesn't quite make it sound like he considers them his people anymore. ]

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