escordvi | closed 🪶⚡ all the storms we have faced that tried to break our embrace...

[She does flinch, and she would move away, but she has nowhere to go, trapped between him and the wall on the other side of the bed, but his tightening hold only makes her tense more, every muscle in her shoulders pulling taut like a bowstring.

Benedikta doesn't mean to set them up this way. It's a very real consequence of her horrible habits that she, at times, forgets that she even has, especially that tendency to lock up when things start becoming too personal. Too intimate. Too much about her and her feelings. When she needs to protect her pride because what else does she have to be strong if not that?

It's a desperate, clawing attempt to hide the weaker sides of her even from him...]

You keep making this about me, Cidolfus... when it isn't.

[They keep talking about her. Every time, it's her and her habits. Her and her sadness, or her rage. She wonders sometimes if he deflects as much as she does.]

No... But it is about both of us.

[It is true he tends to deflect... But he also thought they had covered him well enough by now. After all, she's been the one nagging at him from the start.]

My problems are as entwined with yours now.

[She doesn't think they have even begun to scrape the surface of him... Of either of them, to be fair.

Remaining perfectly still, the only sound she makes... the only movement she makes are the slow, trembling breaths that she takes. She's still not used to this... This idea of "us" and "them". Theirs. Problems and burdens that they share.]

Then why is it so difficult for you to understand?

[If they are so entwined with each other, what is it that he doesn't get about what she is trying to ask of him?]

Because I'm not a mind reader.

[Another sigh as he moves a little closer, pressing his head lightly against hers.]

If I were, would we have been in that mess to begin with?

["That mess" meaning the misunderstandings that plagued them for years—that ruined and broke them.]

I know it's not easy for you...and you don't always have to say everything. But you always hide your true thoughts and wants through something. So you can't blame me for misunderstanding or not fully grasping what it is you mean even when I try.

[Still, she's rigid. Unyielding. Even when his warmth is so inviting. It's so tempting to just melt right back into it and let him hold her like they had been just moments ago, but it's pride that stops her from turning around to look him in the eyes again. It's Garuda's voice reminding her how utterly pathetic this is in her head that's preventing her to rush back into his arms like she craves right now.]

I just...

[She's just a lot of things. So many different things that she doesn't know where to even begin. And it's even worse now than it was earlier on the phone because not only can he hear her, but he can see her. Feel her and every little change in her body as he wraps her closer and tighter against him.

Hear her, even as she speaks so quietly that she wonders if she's even spoken at all.]

...I want to be with you again.

[It may be quiet, but it stirs something with him that makes her feel how his body relaxes more against her.]

I want to be with you, too.

[Slowly, he'll feel the tension in her back loosen in turn, notch by notch in her spine, upon hearing that, and there's a sharp intake of breath. She wishes she could say that it was relief that she feels, but it's just a heavy, burning ache in her chest.]

I don't want you to forget about us, Cidolfus...

[Get so caught up in his work that he forgets to call her, or message her, or come home to see her. Yes, he says that he won't, but that doesn't make the fear of it any less real. Doesn't make the fear of being left behind for something else any less real...

Fucking hell, she hates this.]

Or the things we need to do.

[He frowns a little, but he pulls her back to him so that she's settling into his lap once more. Now his arms are around her waist, his chin lightly resting against her shoulder.]

Benna. Even when we were separated for years, I never once forgot about you. Whatever projects I have won't have me starting now.

But—

[And there she goes, melting right against him just like she wanted to but tried not to. He'll feel her shoulders rise and fall in, and he'll hear the loose from her as she hangs her head, staring down into the folds of his sheets that have now fallen to crumple around her waist.]

You know how hard it is for me to... [She gives a little 'ugh' under her breath at having to explain this aloud and how utterly stupid this all sounds.] ...to come to you.

[To ask him to spend time with her.]

...I like the messages. And if you're caught up in all of that...

[Despite the heavy atmosphere and knowing her troubles, he can't help but smile a little at her words. They may be difficult for her to say, but it is quite pleasant to hear... To know these things. After all, even if he might sense and guess it so, it's always better to hear it, to have that confirmation.

So there is a gentle squeeze of his arms before his hand finds her forearm to slowly slide down to her wrist and then to her hand to run his fingers between hers.]

Then I'll make sure I send one to you, even if I have to set a reminder.

[She stares down at their fingers, her own spreading apart so that he can more easily thread them together. And while she does not lock on, he'll feel her thumb running light circles over the back of his hand in response.

... It's strange.

How far they've come from the shouting matches they used to have. How far from all the times she's yelled at him when months ago, she'd have gone crashing through the window and flown off. It's a little unreal to think about, and sometimes she still wonders, as she listens to his breaths in her ear, if this is all just a dream. That this is her subconscious concocting these images in some strange post-death state, and that it will all end sooner than later for her.

She's quick to shake the thought away, and her head falls to rest more against his.]

And when I come to visit...?

You're always welcome to.

[His voice is warm as he shifts so that his face is more turned towards to her, his lips lightly brushing against her skin before it quiets and there's that regret in the next words.]

...I won't chase you off again.

[As always, his lips work their magic over her skin, eliciting a small, inescapable shiver that courses through her, and she turns in response, facing him until their lips are no further than a hair's breadth apart, their eyes connecting for the first time in what feels like forever with enough intensity to make her heart nearly stop.]

Even if you are in the middle of something?

[That is the thing.

Benedikta is impulsive, unpredictable. A little bit chaotic. If the wind were to draw all of itself into a single person it would be her. There is no telling when she might feel like it, when she might want to fly to him or need to fly to him, but that is something that still needs to remain on her terms. Her feelings are still this tangled, ugly mess within her, but she is trying to work through it, one knot at a time. For him. For them.

And until then, that same patience that he has shown her is what she will continue to ask of him.]

Aye, you can bustle in whenever you want, with or without prior notice.

[Will it be a little chaotic? For sure. But he remembers how she would do it before, and it's not as if people knocked even back in the Hideaway, just bursting in quick as they please. So really, he's used to sudden interruptions. Thus he meets her gaze with his own, before it softens a touch.]

However, all I ask is that if you want to pull me away for a break, let me reach a stopping point—at least five minutes. And then you can have me.

[Wry grin.]

Wouldn't do if something goes off and disrupts us while we're trying to relax, hm?

[She rewards him with an arm around him, circling around his shoulder for her hand to cradle the nape of his neck, her other tightening around his fingers at last because that is all she needed to hear. That when she wanted him, she could have him, and that he would want her in return. That, no matter how busy his life becomes, he would still make room for her among it all.

Six years is a long, long time to spend missing and yearning for someone's attention, for someone's love... So much to go to such lengths as she had. And what is one to do when she finally has it but to seek it as much as she can?

Her bursting into his life, into his days, through his door was always just the way with them, and that much was never going to change.]

But...

[She gives him a coy smile, eyes softer than they have ever been.]

You know how impatient I can get.

[A wry chuckle as he can feel the air shifting between them, and he leans closer to her so that their noses lightly brush.]

All the more reason for me to learn how to work faster.

[She is certainly being needy... But right now he doesn't actually mind it. The absence felt between them left a giant chasm that is now rushing to be filled with everything that they missed. So really, he can't blame her. He knows he will be doing the same, and he is certainly keeping all this in mind as he won't let her let this be too one-sided.

But he knows this is all a work in progress, and really, for them to have this kind of conversation, to make their wants more clear, is a great step forward and it makes him feel a bit happy that they are continuing to bridge these broken gaps between them.]

Is there anything else?

[She is always going to be. She always has been. Even when she was still a young girl, nothing more than another one of his charges, she found that she craved his attention. His approval. Just... his eyes on her in any way she could get them. And then it turned into craving his love, and him, and grew and grew from there. Perhaps it's because of her upbringing, or lack thereof. Perhaps it was that he was the first person to ever show her what it felt like to be seen. Appreciated. Loved in return. Perhaps it's that cocky smile of his and that laugh that never fails to burrow into her aether.

Or it's all of them, wrapped up in this one single person wrapped around her.

And she wishes that she could say that she didn't need him so much. That she could do all of this on her own. Forge a path, build a life, but how is he to do that when it's with him that she wants to live now? Hell, it always has been.

That's why...]

There is.

[Her voice falls quiet again, and she leans forward so that their lips just barely brush over one another's.]

Don't forget our promise.

I won't.

[A quiet murmur as his lips brush against hers...

...

Until a thought occurs to him and he stops just short of fully kissing her.]

Earlier... There was a thought you didn't quite finish.

[She'd been prepared to receive that kiss in full, her eyes closing and lips parting, head tilting just a little...

...

When he stops.

And she pulls back to peer at him expectantly.]

Thought? Which?

[There were a lot of them that she probably didn't finish, or never got around to saying.]

[There might be the faintest smirk as he quotes:]

If you and I are...

[A quirk of his brow.]

Are what?

[Oh, this man is unbelievable.

A sound escapes her, something between an exasperated growl and a purr as she tackles him back down to the bed so that he's laying on his back beneath her.]

It was nothing.

[He just laughs at that, letting her send them back down as his hand tightens around hers and his other drifts up to her face.]

I don't think so. What were you thinking, hm?

[She better answer or he's going to offer a lot of suggestions.]

[She may be leaning her cheek into the warmth of his hand, but she is flashing him a very pointed stare.]

You know exactly what I meant.

[Well she had a chance.]

Lovers? Couple? Sweethearts?

[She did have a chance, and she should have taken it, god damn it. She's always the fool around him and this is no exception.

So, when he starts listing those off, her expression twists with each new one until she can't take it anymore—

Sweethearts? Sweethearts!? Really?!?]

Stop.

[—and she presses her lips to his to shut him up.]

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