escordvi | [closed] 🌱🏛️ quiz, vol. 01

...Are you sure?

[It's not like Kaveh hasn't always been curious. Alhaitham's grandmother was a legend among the Kshahrewar, and many of her works were still circulated as textbooks even today. He knew the woman by reputation only, though he'd always wondered, questions about her, and his mother, that he'd been too scared to ask Zaha Hadi.

He knows how different reputation and reality can be. The only real truth Kaveh knows about this woman is that Alhaitham loves her with his entire being, even now, over a decade since her passing, and that she must have loved Alhaitham so fiercely in turn, that he was allowed to grow into a sapling version of the man he'd become.

Kaveh has known her works, but he's never known this one. To be allowed to see it...feels like opening a door in a temple, to be allowed to see something sacred.]

[Alhaitham doesn't say anything in response beyond a hum, not so much because there is nothing to say to Kaveh but rather because there is no words that exists that can adequately sum up all the things that he wants to say. Despite all the languages he has learned and is fluent in—or perhaps it is because of that—Alhaitham knows better than most the limitations that it imposes, for all that it tries to break through those same limitations. But at the end of the day language is a human thing and thus bound by the limits of what humans can manage, for better or worse.

So he says nothing and simply stays where he is, eyes glued to his lap as his hands cradle his grandmother's parting gift to him with a gentleness he has not placed upon anything else. The cover is open, revealing the first page and the inscription upon it that Alhaitham has committed to memory from the day he'd first read it: May my child Alhaitham lead a peaceful life.

With one hand holding down the other side of the book he slides a finger underneath that first page, ready to flip it over and read it through, just as he does every time this day comes around each year. He continues to say nothing, but he waits, patient and quiet to allow Kaveh the choice to either take his leave or stay on the couch with him.

Just like last time, on that night when they met again in the Tavern, Alhaitham leaves the option open for Kaveh to choose for himself. It is his senior who must make the final decision for himself, be it acceptance or denial.]

[It's an easier decision than it had been that night, and one that fills his fragile heart with something as terrifying as hope, but Kaveh does scoot closer so he can lean over to read the pages, pressed hip to hip and thigh to thigh with Alhaitham.

He doesn't say anything either, just silently watching in expectation. Truth was, they used to read together like this all the time. And whatever else Kaveh has planned for this day and that evening, the best gift he can give now is to not let his racing mind disrupt this moment.]

[It takes a while, but eventually Kaveh makes his choice, doing so in the form of scooting closer so that they're pressed close to each other in a way so like what they used to in the past, where everything between them felt so freely shared with no expectations or questions. There might have been an arrogance in those assumptions back then, but now...

Alhaitham still says nothing, but takes a moment to adjust himself so that Kaveh has an easier time reading the book alongside him, and once they're both settled goes on to flip over the first page to start reading through the contents held within.

The first few pages themselves hold a penned letter from his grandmother, written while she'd still been able to but clearly aware of her approaching mortality. She talks of the fond memories that she has of Alhaitham in the time she'd been able to raise him and the gift of his intelligence and uniqueness, and how despite their short time together she'd still nonetheless felt blessed enough to have what she did, especially in her last decade where she'd been able to see him grow up and sprout under her case. But most important of all is perhaps how she hopes he will grow up well and be able to live the life that he chooses, and how she hopes it will be one that ultimately makes him happy above all else.

Alhaitham maintains his silence as he lingers on those last few lines, fingers tracing over the loops in her handwriting and of her signature underneath. The pressure in his eyes and in his throat comes back in spades, and when he sucks in a breath there is a quiet hitch that might've otherwise gone unnoticed by anyone else who isn't Kaveh.]

[Of course he hears that hitch. He almost wants to cry himself, reading such a sweet message. He's never seen Alhaitham visibly cry when he reads this, but then again, in the situation they're in...

Forget Kaveh's trepidation and cowardice, just for this moment. Could he even say he had the right to be Alhaitham's friend again, if he did not reach out now?

So without saying anything, he gently takes one of Alhaitham's hands off the book, settingly it down in his on their thighs, and replaces it with his other hand, holding up the cover of the book closer to him.

In this way, he hopes Alhaitham will understand. The things he is feeling can flow freely. There is no one else here but Kaveh to see, after all.]

[It says something about Alhaitham's current state that he doesn't even try to fight or stop Kaveh from what he is doing. If anything he curls his fingers around Kaveh's in the brief time where his senior is holding his hand, eyes remaining glued to the book even as he sees Kaveh's hand replacing over where his one had been, holding it up the cover just in case he has to close the book back up for a reason neither of them speak about but know all too well.

Its rare that Alhaitham is able to sense this overwhelming urge to simply just—feel. He's always been good at keeping his emotions in check for the most part, never truly seeing a need to express much when he isn't required to. But in moments like these, where words can only fall apart in the face of something that no language is able to express, the only thing he can do is to let it all run through him in the one way he knows how.

Alhaitham takes one more shuddering breath, followed by a second, and then he glances away, pulling his other hand away from the book as he rubs at his eyes, feeling the way his gloves have become soaked with moisture that can only come from one place, and how it doesn't seem to cease no matter how much he continues to try and staunch the flow.]

Oh...

[Kaveh breathes out a little, and quickly closes the book once he realizes what's happening, protecting it from any moisture. And then, he gently sets it aside and reaches out, pulling Alhaitham down against his shoulder. The hug is awkward from this angle, but even so...

How many times had he done this for his mother? Truly, he'd lose count. But this grief is clean, the rinsing of an old wound, an ache that doesn't sour or fester--Kaveh knows very well how different Alhaitham's grief is from his own.

Even this clean grief deserves comfort, no matter the circumstances.]

It's okay.

[He doesn't elaborate. Does he need to? He is here, and for now, all their complications can wait.]

[Just as how he doesn't stop Kaveh earlier he also doesn't resist when Kaveh pulls him in down to his shoulder. Alhaitham doesn't stop himself from the way he twists around when that happens, turning enough in order to properly press his face into the curve of Kaveh's shoulder and let his shirt soak up the tears that flow freely from his eyes, the hand between their thighs inching up just enough for him to hold onto one of the tassels of his sash.

It's okay, Kaveh tells him—and in many ways this is, perhaps, the first time anyone has actually told him that at all. It's not that he has never known this, for his grandmother has made sure to teach him as much as the inevitable drew closer and closer upon her. She was the one who told him how it was okay to cry, and it was okay to be sad, and how, at the end of it all, he would be okay, too.

But even then being told those things when she was still alive is very different from having to experience it after she passed, and no matter how prepared Alhaitham had been for it to happen no amount of preparation could have ever readied him for the silence that would greet him after her passing, how the once quiet warmth would turn into cold silence that echoed louder than anything else he'd have ever known.

(It would not be long after that when he enrolled into the Akademiya properly this time, and though living in the dorms was frustrating and difficult it was still ultimately better than the silence he would only learn how to live with much later down the line.)

For a long time now he'd simply accepted that as nothing more part and parcel of the life that he leads now, the comfortable life that he has chosen as per his grandmother's wishes, yet once again just like how he'd unexpectedly received this book, hearing those two words after everything makes it feel like they are filling in something that he never knew was lacking until this very moment.

Its hard to say how long Alhaitham stays like this, eyes squeezed shut while his breathing stutters, his shoulders shaking in a way that he hasn't done in a very long time, but unlike all the previous times he is, for once, not alone. And perhaps that is more than enough.]

[Kaveh doesn't say anything, all this while, simply letting Alhaitham sink into his feelings, running a hand from his hair down his back, like he used to do for his mother, like his father did for him when he was so small and so upset about the world being too large and scary. He doesn't rightly know how long Alhaitham has lived alone with his grief--his grandmother already gone and buried when they met--but he does know that the man shouldn't have to be alone with it again.

Quietly, at the bottom of his heart, Kaveh promises himself Alhaitham won't be. Not anymore. Maybe he's a coward, and maybe he doesn't have the right, after leaving him alone so long, but...

But Alhaitham let him see this. Let him touch on that old wound. That has to mean something, right?]

...the food's cold.

[Its the first thing that Alhaitam says after a fair amount of time must have passed, with Alhaitham hiding his face in Kaveh's shoulder and Kaveh wordlessly holding him close all this time, his hand gently stroking his head and down his back in a gesture he hasn't felt for a long, long time.

He hadn't remembered until now, how a simple act such as this can make him feel so much all at once. Part of him had forgotten, in the intervening years between their fallout to their reunion, and even after that. Not that the act of forgetting had been by any means completely intentional, at least for the most part—there simply hadn't been anyone else who could have ever been the same as Kaveh had been for him, and so he hadn't bothered. Who else, if not Kaveh?

So despite the words and the clear understanding that he probably has no reason to remain like this Alhaitham continues to do so anyway, for he has never been selfless by any means. He knows he wants this, for as long as Kaveh is willing to give it to him, and so he will hold onto it for as long as he is allowed to do so.]

We can heat it back up, if you're hungry yet.

[it hasn't escaped Kaveh's notice that Alhaitham hasn't made any move to change his position. He can't quite fathom what it must be, but he knows better than to try and directly question Alhaitham about his emotions, either--one would have better luck running headlong into a brick wall.

So he passes the proverbial ball back into Alhaitham's court. It's a day about him, and while Alhaitham always does whatever the hell he wants and sets his boundaries like an iron wall, today kaveh won't fight him on it, either.]

[Logically Alhaitham knows that he must be at least a little bit hungry, given how long it has been since their last meal. Not to mention the fact that he'd never turn down sabz meat stew, especially when made into the version that he likes best.

But despite knowing all that he still finds it hard to have to desire to fully pry himself from Kaveh, even as his body starts to tell him that staying in this position is starting to strain muscles in his body that probably should not be strained in such a manner. But Alhaitham is nothing else if not stubborn, and the hand that Kaveh continues to run down his head and back is something he wants to selfishly keep feeling.]

Later. [He decides after a pause, the hand on Kaveh's thigh squeezing briefly before letting go. Though his grandmother's memento is undeniably thoughtful this, too, is just as good of a gift, and Alhaitham wants it for as long as he can.]

Don't complain later, then.

[Kaveh huffs a faint laugh, and maybe ruffles Alhaitham's hair a bit before he resumes petting. Truth be told, this position isn't going to be comfortable for him either. If that's the case...]

Here, move a little bit, we can make this more comfortable.

[The petting is very, very nice, and if it were possible Alhaitham wouldn't mind staying just like this for basically the rest of the day and night if it means Kaveh can keep it up. But the limitations of their bodies make themselves far too obvious right now, but thankfully Kaveh seems to have an idea on how to rectify that.

While it does mean that Alhaitham has to actually pull away from Kaveh for a bit, he's quickly rewarded by being able to rest his head on the other man's lap—something that they have not done since their days as students. The difference is immediately palpable, as Kaveh's thighs are far more toned now than they used to be, while Alhaitham himself is a far cry from the young boy he'd been before puberty hit.

Despite that though, there is a familiarity now in the way Kaveh's hand returns to his head, just as the way Alhaitham gets to turn and press his face against Kaveh's stomach. After all the months that his senior has been here the scent of Padisarahs has long faded, but that only means he gets to smell the other hints of Kaveh's scent that he hadn't been able to pick up before—and that, too, is good in its own way.]

[How long had it been, since Kaveh and Alhaitham had sat so peacefully together? Not since they were students, at least. And Kaveh hadn't realized just how badly he missed it--he'd known, but not truly understood, how much he had missed this quite assurance, the understanding that they existed and would always exist in each other's orbits.

They don't need each other, not the way they had when they were young. Kaveh has walked away before and been fine. Alhaitham will always be fine without them. But in the quiet moments like this, Kaveh can admit and know that he is better, with Alhaitham.

...He'll have to be braver than he thinks he knows how, if he ever hopes to be honest. But even so...]

Mm...I wonder if we could bring flower seeds across the rift.

[Padisarahs, Sumeru Roses, even harra fruits...but what Kaveh misses and wants are Mourning Flowers.]

[Alhaitham has never forgotten what it'd been like, to lay with Kaveh like this and simply exist in each other's space. Like this, when they can be together without need of a sexual tryst beforehand like what they have been constantly doing since their reunion in the tavern. It's something that they haven't been truly able to do since their time as students, and its only now does he realize the depths of how badly he has longed for this. He'd made his peace with putting all of that in the past when Kaveh chose to walk out of his life back then, knowing that all of that could never return, and yet now...

It's nice. This is nice, and he wants Kaveh to keep on doing it, for as long as he wants to. Alhaitham will take whatever Kaveh is willing to give.]

At this rate you might as well bring in everything from Sumeru to this place. [He remarks with a faint huff, the words slightly muffled as his face is still pressed against Kaveh's stomach.] Still, if something as specific book can be retrieved, it stands to reason that a few packets of seeds would also be doable.

[Or maybe its not. Who knows? Those rifts continue to be fairly inexplicable.]

Don't sass me, if I can bring in Padisarah, I can get harra fruits too.

[He does chuckle a bit, though, and gently removes Alhaitham's earpieces so they are no longer digging into his thigh or the man's head, smoothing out his hair as he does. What need is there to ask? Understanding each other's comfort had been so easy, once.

...It's a little terrifying, how quickly it becomes easy again, when they let it. How much time have they wasted in fear?]

[Though Alhaitham doesn't chuckle, the huff that he lets out might as well be the same thing. He also allows Kaveh to take off his ear pieces, and while he doesn't verbally express his gratitude the quiet sigh that comes out from him next as Kaveh runs a hand through his hair along with the way he relaxes further to Kaveh's touch does all the talking for him.

...its really nice. It's almost a shame that he'll have to wait for a whole year to have this again after tonight.]

It'd be nice to have harra spice. [Another muffled murmur into Kaveh's clothes. Black pepper is nice and all but it really does not compare to harra. Alhaitham does miss it more than he'd anticipated himself to, just as how he didn't think how right this all feels until he actually gets to experience it for himself. Part of him had thought what he'd felt with those memories had been through the rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia... but if anything, the memories hold only a fraction of what he feels now.]

Then I'll look into it. We've got a big enough yard to do some proper gardening...though I'll have to make a system to keep it watered.

[Both of them like to wander off and explore too frequently to count on always doing it themselves, but Kaveh rigged up a system for the Enterprise, he can rig something up for their house all the same.

He keeps gently running his fingers through Alhaitham's hair, smoothing out bits of fluff that haven't yet become tangles, and smiles, in spite of himself. This is almost better, he thinks, than his final gift, but...well. That's for later tonight.]

Hey, you're not falling asleep on me now, are you?

[The only response Alhaitham lets out here is a quiet hum, mostly to show that he's listening even if the words are starting to make less sense to him now as comprehension gives way to a rising sense of drowsiness. His body relaxes even more, encouraged by the way Kaveh's fingers continue to run through his hair, gentle and warm.

Though Alhaitham can fall asleep easily if he wants to, its been a long time since he allowed himself to gradually drift off like this. It's different from the way they curl up in bed each night, different from the naps that he takes when the mood comes. Because its not so much as him desiring to fall asleep but him relaxing enough to be able to drift off without much thought, lulled into an easy sense of comfort that permeates through his entire being.]

[Kaveh huffs a faint laugh, but he doesn't stop gently stroking through Alhaitham's hair, not until he feels the man full doze off. Even then, all he does is have Mehrak store the leftovers and then bring them a blanket and a book...Kaveh doesn't like to read as much as Alhaitham does, but he's still picked up a few novels here and there, and he doesn't want to do anything that would disturb Alhaitham's nap.

Once the blanket is properly draped over the younger man, and the book is in hand, Kaveh's other hand returns to gently playing with Alhaitham's hair, a soft smile on his face.]

...Happy birthday, Alhaitham.

[closed] 🌱🏛️ quiz, vol. 01

they'll always have each other...

lies down in a puddle of emotions

weh

wehhhhhh

ueehhhhh

T_T they love each other so much... but they don't know...........

they'll learn....they'll learn soon....

soon................. soon

Sooner than they know...

they'll never see it coming

violin chords

always back to the dramatic music with them

because they're extra and gay

very extra and very gay 🏳️‍🌈

just winning the gay competition

they're so real for that... heavy traces of homosexuality indeed

their strange friendship....

obviously they're just best friends amirite

the very best of friends...

only real homies break up and then get back together and sleep together under the pretense of rent

oh my god they were roommates