escordvi | [Open] It's A Bad Dream

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[Open] It's A Bad Dream

Who: Toge Inumaki and everyone!
Status: Open
Where: Early May on the Plus Ultra crew ship, later on Manta board quests on islands.
What: Catch all for May/Return from canon update
Warnings: Toge has just returned from a massively traumatic incident, and he's returned with his left arm amputated. He was dealing with a mass casualty event, and the destruction of Shibuya in pretty much its entirety, with a death toll in the tens of thousands. He's seriously injured and tired. He's doing his best.

I. The Return

[ It’s a surreal experience being returned home, mostly because Toge didn’t remember what he was doing, where he was but he’d had a few dreams or strange impressions. Dreams of a pair of beautiful mismatched eyes, or the scent of saltwater on the wind, both unusual occurrences that he might’ve dwelled on but everything went to shit pretty quickly. His return home was not the least bit peaceful or relaxing because shortly after October began, pieces fell into place and the threat that was lurking in the shadows bared its fangs.

The mood overall was grim, the anticipation that something big was coming paid off, and they were caught off-guard and left behind in the wreckage of what could only be termed an unmitigated disaster. The sorcerers fought and lost – hard. There’s no victory that could be gleaned from the Shibuya Incident.

His first arrival in this land had been careless, he’d been dropped overboard to sink or be rescued. Thankfully the latter had happened. This time, no matter what kindness was shown in moving him back, it wasn’t going to matter. It was still going to hurt.

Toge reappears on the deck, not tangled up in any rigging, but landing hard against a storage crate as he collapses into a seated position. There’s a lot to take in about his bedraggled look. His skin was pallid, his eyes bloodshot and there’s bags thanks to him having been awake for well over twenty-four hours at the moment. He might’ve passed out a minute or two, but not much longer. His shirt is long gone, his pants look suspiciously two-toned, although the dark material mostly covers the root cause of that, but it wouldn’t be hard to guess. Bandages have been slapped around his chest, left shoulder and what remains of his left arm which has been amputated fairly high up. It’s not a final fix, as the bandages are hiding injuries that are still seeping. It had been a slap dash band-aid fix, with more to come later when Shoko had a moment to breathe.

He’s only human. The harsh landing sends his vision swimming and he curls in around himself, letting out a strangled cry of anguish, followed by deep heavy breathing. He might have a high pain tolerance, but this is definitely testing his limits. Anyone hearing his cry might get a sense that he is in distress, even before they see him.

A normal person might just take a moment and adjust, but Toge isn’t exactly sure where he is off the top of his head. He trembles. Mixed with his pallor and the severe looking injuries, it’s likely caused by the fact a significant amount of his blood has been dropped in Shibuya.

He drags his legs. They’re heavy and uncooperative. He puts his hands down on the deck. Okay, that’s a strange feeling because he now only has one, but it’s going to have to do.

Yes, Toge is about to drag himself to his feet and get up, no matter how unsteady he looks right now, undoubtedly accomplishing this he would look a thousand times worse. ]

II. Rest, Recovery & Recreation

[ Presumably once his arrival is sorted out and he’s been escorted back to his room under his own free will, or not, he’s certainly going to have to stay there, in bed or perhaps on the couch for a few days.

Toge could use some company to help pass the time. Really. It’s going to be really boring, but he looks a little bit peaky in general and Thornprick is hesitant to leave his side.

(So is Shoto for that matter.) ]

III. One Step Forward

[ Once he’s steady on his feet and can move around the ship, Toge can be found heading to the galley to rustle up something to eat, or perhaps just leaning against the rail, looking out at the sea.

Noticing company from his crew mates, he raises his right hand in greeting and offers a very tired, drained smile. ] Kelp!

[ His level of fine may in fact be dubious in nature. ]

IV. Landlubbin’ Manta Board Quests

[ It’s a chance to get to meet up with his friends who aren’t traveling with him. Seeing people he recognizes, or even if he doesn’t, they might get a cheerful smile behind his mask and a friendly wave. ] Kelp!

[ Wait, didn’t Toge have two arms the last time he’d been seen? He sure did. Now his left sleeve is empty, but he’s not necessarily drawing attention to that. He seems as cheerful as ever.

That smile does not really reach his eyes.

Whether it’s just catching him out in the middle of the street, at a tavern or on one of the many missions – such as helping harvest brussells sprouts with a decent amount of difficulty, being escorted so he can dress up as an adorable maid to lure people into cracking open their coin purses or investigating Snaxburg Secrets, Toge seems like he’s ready to just keep going. ]

V. Wildcard

[ So Toge has returned from a canon update and he’s returned severely injured, with an amputated left arm. So that happened. All in all he looks tired, but he would love to just hang out with people. ]

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Shoto shifts one of his legs to bend on the opposite side of the book he's gotten only a little down in in comparison to much there should be.

"Villains." He says gently, offering a small set of kisses to the side of Toge's head, keeping him held in close. "Anyone that we should be aware of." Reluctantly he takes the pen again and waits. He'd rather just sit here and hold him, but he's got a job to do.

As far as Toge knows, he has bits and pieces of intel and not much else. No one really knows what to expect, aside from massive curse activity. That they expected, but curses are always there.

There's a couple of sentient curses that I know of, but there aren't any curses here at all. Sukuna's probably a villain, but his host isn't. So no, I don't think so.

Shoto writes it down, but he's certainly going to not go easy on Sukuna's 'host' either if he shows up. If he's that dangerous, then he's that dangerous and he would expect the same of all and anyone who knew they were.

"I think that's mostly it for now. Things that we have to be aware of to better handle the situation if it happens here." He sets the book aside, pen setting on it. "The three of us will do what we can if we find need to."

Alright, no problem. It shouldn’t happen here. I hope.

Toge’s still tired, so he’s willing to just sink into Shoto’s embrace and his penchant for clinging to him. He can’t complain about it. He knows they would all fight, and he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t think they can help, but it’s very nice they would try.

If it happens, I’ll protect you. My life doesn’t matter. This is what I exist for.

Shoto takes advantage of Toge letting him cling. It's his fault for not dodging, right? Right. "I hope, too." Because he doesn't want anyone having to learn if they can or can't combat a domain. He also doesn't want Toge protecting him, fighting alongside him... maybe b-

When it hits him what the reader is saying, he turns his eyes to the words in it. "...Your life matters to me. You don't exist to die, Toge." Whoever told him that? They may be the first person Shoto breaks a few teeth away from the gums of. "If you died--" He swallows back even just the sentiment of him being gone. If he tries to give it voice, he'll break right down. The rollercoaster of him being gone and back has made it impossible to think of what it'd be like knowing he could never find him. "If you died, what would I do?"

Death is inevitable and even for heroes who don't make it passed their prime. "I don't want you sacrificing yourself or even thinking you should. Why would you think that was what I would want?"

Toge's expression is one of surprise by Shoto's sudden sorrow at the mere mention. He has his friends at home, they're his family to him. They meant everything to him in that context, but they all know they're on borrowed time. Everyone's heart is equally guarded, and the fact curses could appear at any time and take them out is just a fact of life.

His only purpose is to fight curses until, inevitably, they kill him. It will be his fault. There might be sadness, but they'd move on. There would be no tombstone, nowhere to mourn him. It would be like he never existed at all.

This understanding makes it so incomprehensible that he didn't predict Shoto's reaction.

"Fish flakes." He murmurs. He doesn't think Shoto wants that, but what would he do?

Toge...doesn't know.

Being wiped off the face of the planet for any one reason is a realization for both of them, but the flippant way in which he's just readily accepted that's what he's for. Fish flakes. Of course. Of. Course. Of course it's fish flakes and Shoto is trying hard not to have an Ikura moment to be honest. Sure, not at Toge but someone's gotten this into his head.

"I would lose a figurative part of myself, Toge. Think of it in opposite. If I died tomorrow, how would you feel?"

Toge wasn't really thinking in terms of Shoto, just in general. He's accepted his fate a long time ago. Sure, he might've had time to be upset about it, but since he could process language, this kind of litany has been spat at him countless times. He's too stubborn to give in and give people the satisfaction, so he fights.

Realistically, it could happen to Shoto, and maybe Toge is more prepared than he is to acknowledge that. He could've died the other night. He's barely here, barely alive by the grace of good luck to accompany the bad.

How would he feel? It would affect him incredibly deeply, it would cut hard, but Toge knows he would never have the chance to catch his breath. How would he feel?

Empty.

Empty, drained and he'd probably move about in a dream. That's the training. That's the job. Discard everything that interferes. It's not fair to Shoto, is it? People die and it's difficult.

Shoto can see what he's typing before it reads it out, and he kisses the side of Toge's head when it does. "Then you know why you dying isn't an option. Whoever keeps taking people sent you back, and I barely understood how to function in thoughts other than how to get to you. Everything else felt between that sentiment."

He sighs gently, "I know that one day one of us, for any reason, won't be here... but hearing you say your purpose is to die. Whoever told you that should be put on public trial. If you don't believe me, ask Gojo-sensei, I'm sure he'd tell you your life is valuable too."

He thought that simple word would upset Shoto more. Surely if someone dies you're supposed to cry about it and be hysterically upset. He's seen it, on various programs. He's never reacted that way. Crying never did him any good and at some point he stopped. Emptiness was the best he could muster when things were incredibly sad. He feels empty now, with all the people around him that died.

Toge was expecting Shoto to see this as something monstrous, not just accept it.

It's always been the only path for me. Gojo knows it too. I don't think he'd tell me that. He'd tell me he wants me to graduate school, or have a little fun, but...

He doesn't think that changing his fate is among the options. It isn't. Not even Gojo is that powerful.

Luckily, or maybe not luckily, Shoto didn't think he meant devoid of emotions. Empty meant a lot more things to him than the literal term. If he had, things would maybe be a bit different. But that's the benefit of the doubt that he gives to everyone. Maybe he shouldn't, but he does.

But empty is still something.

"Then he's wrong about everything other than graduating and enjoying your life." Is a little fun meant in that context? To Shoto, yeah. "If that's his answer, he's not as good at everything like he says he is." Shoto sets his hand on Toge's, giving it a soft stroke of his thumb. He's not sure what to make of this revelation, that Toge thinks that little of himself but... it makes sense. It disgusts him but he understands.

Toge thinks it's like being devoid of emotion, that's what he thinks he's feeling. Like he could stare into the void for hours and get lost there. He hasn't had to, but he feels that kind of listless feeling calling.

He believes, like many other things, it's a flaw of his. It isn't, it's a reasonable response to a traumatic event. Losing Shoto would not be the same kind of traumatic event, but it would be devastating in its own way.

"Fish flakes." He murmurs. He heard Yuji yelling. Everyone heard Yuji yelling. He knows that Gojo got trapped. It's not fair to blame him, even if he is the strongest.

Toge sighs and flips his hand so he can interlock their fingers. Sure, it stops him from expressing more complex thoughts in written form, but it's also comforting.

Shoto takes the hand and pulls it up to his lips to kiss the back of it and resume holding it on his lap. "No, not fish flakes this time. You're not changing my mind. If he's as good as he says he is, then he should be telling you that you have common human worth. And if he doesn't think that, then I'm going to have to help him see his worth, too. Sometimes it's not someone's fault they don't understand the value of something else." Maybe Gojo is hurting, too.

"It doesn't matter what we fight, Toge. Your world or mine. If we're going to fight, let's fight together and if we don't make it, then at least we tried and hopefully made way for someone else to finish it."

He doesn't know how Gojo feels about himself. The man seems confident, over confident really, but Toge's not blind. He's holding them all back from the worst it could be. He's protecting them. He's been protecting them as much as he could.

At least Shoto's declaration and promise makes him smile a little bit. "Salmon." That he can agree to. He wouldn't run off and leave Shoto behind, they could work together. If they died together then...well he will make sure that doesn't happen. In the eleventh hour, he would save Shoto's life in a heartbeat.

If nothing, Shoto will either find out, or get told to get lost. It'll be an adventure for him.

Shoto nestles in against the side of his neck. "Salmon." Says the hero in return. Agreement unspokenly handshaken on. Their hand are busy being held with one another. Dying would suck, but there's no other way he can think of to go out-- aside that they both have the same idea. That there's no way he wouldn't try to spare Toge from death well before himself.

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[Open] It's A Bad Dream

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