open 🪶 cut me deep, the secrets & lies

[garudas]

Who: Benedikta Harman & you.
Status: Open log.
Where: Around the Roost, Atnam, and Eltrut.
What: Benedikta is still bitter about the truth, but she has finally come out of hiding after the event with Garuda, and she's trying to re-integrate back into her old life, as well as looking into the pearls.
Warnings: Probably FFXVI spoilers.



🗡️ i. at the roost; closed to the hideaway crew + visitors/close friends

[It had taken a few extra days, perhaps more, for Benedikta to finally come out of hiding from within the confines of hers and Cid's home on the island. Those who have come and gone in that time may have noticed things being a touch more discreet around there, with extra food and supplies—more than what one person would need—being left at the door, as well as no one being allowed inside. And even after those few days have passed, Benedikta herself remains quite inconspicuous, and those who pay close attention will notice that Cid has not only been staying in later in the mornings, but he has been more chipper. When asked, he simply answers with a wink, and something like "our little bird has returned to roost" before carrying on with a smile and no further explanation. (Everyone be sure to thank Kaveh for sound-proofing their house!)

Eventually, however, she will need to leave for one reason or another, mostly to stretch and a need for fresh air, and while she will not seek anyone out on her own and is very sneaky about leaving, she can be found around the island in a number of places throughout the month:

In the high-up gryphons nests, trying to make amends with them, likely cleaning, stringing up some feather decorations or bickering with the younger ones. In the gardens where she (tries to) tend to the vegetables, though without much of a green thumb, she's failing miserably, grumbling curses to herself and at the tomatoes in her frustration. At one of the many beaches on the island taking a lone dip. The library, searching for a book or in the middle of reading one. For those feeling more daring to climb the higher cliffs, she can also be found up there, quiet and contemplative as she lets the winds brush over her and her feet dangle over the edge. Sometimes, she might even have a small owl with her—the very same one that's been around the Roost for several months now. Those lucky enough might even find her up there teaching that owl how to fly. And when not at the edge, she might be in one of the flower fields overlooking the ocean, and while she is typically not one to pick them, she could very well be spotted weaving some stems together to craft something...

While these are the most likely places to find her, it is certainly not limited to just these!]

( OOC Note: There was no announcement made by anyone about Benedikta coming back to the Roost, but people are free to either have deciphered the news of her return from Cid, noticed on their own through piecing things together, or can be surprised to find her! Whatever floats your boat. )

🗡️ ii. special investigations on atnam; ota

༄ a. archives. [Several weeks later after her return, she embarks back out to ATNAM this time. She has a highly vested interest in the search for the pearls and the Ancient Leviathans, namely the relic that can control the rifts, so it's no surprise that she can be found in their Archives, searching. As much as she does enjoy a good book, it is not often that she can be found hunched over one for research purposes—it was never really her forte despite being the Intelligencers' Commander for many years. She had men who would do that while she led them. Her skills lay in subterfuge more than anything else, so needless to say, she finds all this a bit frustrating already as she flings yet another book across the room with a bit of wind and no consideration for anyone who might be nearby.]

Is there not one book in here that has information that does not read like fiction!?

[Though, not all of her books are about the leviathans, but should anyone glance at them, they may spot others about this world's magic, and curses...]

༄ b. guarding the pearls. [She'd have gone down to the underwater ruins if she could have, but even she is not stubborn or stupid enough to do so in her current condition, and her injuries are still very much on the mend. While very grumpy about it, she has instead taken up watch when she has grown tired of pouring through books upon books, and at least here, she feels much more in her element here, with her sword strapped to her hip. Not that anything interesting is happening as she and whomever has been stationed with her walks the perimeter of ATNAM, but she keeps her senses trained and keen on any shifts in the wind.]

I'd have thought there would be more activity, what with these valuable pearls...

[Help, she's already bored and restless as all hell, and as her fingers twitch around the pommel of her sword, she feels that itch to just drive it through something.]

🗡️ iii. looking around eltrut; ota

[It has been some time since she's been on Eltrut. Well over a month now, given how things had gone down with Garuda. She wonders if the leviathan knows anything about who or what it was that attacked it and that she was back here, but so far, she's run into no trouble. She's been keeping herself fairly inconspicuous, not talking to anyone unless absolutely necessary, as she walks through the streets, looking things over. While the cleanup seems to be mostly complete, she notices some differences—places that look changed from before, likely rebuilt after the damage that had been done, and the piers are looking sturdier than ever.

It doesn't make those feelings of guilt any easier to handle. If anything, seeing it all only makes her angrier, the sights dredging up the horrible memories of that day. Those black, lifeless eyes that stared into her soul, and that sense of dread that overcame her. It was a rage that she'd never quite known or felt before, and an in effort to stem that riptide, she sets off to do that other thing that she came out here to do.

When she is not at the lookout by the pier with her pipe in her hand, staring out to the sea with nothing short of contemplation all over her expression, she will be found in numerous different shops. Cidolfus had urged her to try and find something to do to help pass the time while she recovers—a new hobby, a new passion... It's certainly not something that she would have thought of herself. But if she's to get past this and move on, if she is to learn how to stand on her own feet again... He might be right, and she hates it.

It could be in a crafts shop, where she stands there holding knitting needles in her hands, staring at them like they are the most foreign things to her. She knows how to sew, thanks to her "upbringing", but that would be all. Perhaps one of the greenhouses, staring at the the dozens of flowers for gardening or variations of cacti with a look of disdain, and she asks what the fuck a succulent is. Maybe it is at a hardware shop (what? Yes, she's confused about how she wound up here, too) looking at the different types of wood or paints that she can buy, mumbling something about birdhouses. If not there, then at one of the many clothing or jewelry shops, simply shopping around. Maybe even looking for a new dress...

And when she's grown tired of her search, she'll end it in her favourite bookshop, very likely in the middle of flipping through the pages of a book in the magic section with her brows drawn together...]

🗡️ iv. wildcard

[None of these options work? Hit up my plotting comment up over here if you want to plot something more specific, and we can hash out the details! Or you can hit me up in the game discord, via DW PM, or over at crystariums! I'd prefer to plot something out this month since she's being a bit guarded, and likely won't be doing a ton of MANTA stuff either, but I would be happy to figure out something else!

I'd also just like to note that while I don't mind it, Benedikta will likely not be too open to talking about Garuda stuff to people outside of the crew/those who fought her, so bringing it up will definitely be a sore topic and it's likely she will either deflect or bite back. Also want to mention that unless they are part of the Hideaway crew or she has directly told them that she is Garuda's Dominant and what that means, that information is not available to characters. That includes knowing that the beast that attacked Eltrut is Garuda, as only certain people should be privy to that information. If you're unsure, then please feel free to reach out!]

Comments

[garudas]

[Well. She appreciates that he answers her directly. It is not exactly the easiest conversation to have over anything, and perhaps even less so now, but it is quite the elephant in the room, and Benedikta's avoidant personality and tactics can only get her so far these days, she's discovered.

A problem that she cannot run from forever, so why run at all?]

Might I ask...

[She turns to face Clive now, that book slapping shut in her hand, and her amber gaze is intense and weighty as she stares him down. Though, not with malice. There is hurt there, in the way that she tries to keep her brow from furrowing or her lips from twitching.]

How did you come to find out about what Barnabas had done?

[gruffier]

[ It was an obvious question to ask. The things he knows now did not come into the light until years later, so he could only imagine how left in the dark she was.

It was only right to tell her. Not only because of what she had done for him, but because there was no use hiding the information now.

Clive will glance around for a moment to see if anyone else was in the library. Once he had noted the absence with only two souls present, the man will sigh. ]

It wasn't an easy trail to follow at first. [ He begins, his eyes looking distant for a moment as they remain off of her form for a short while. ] Joshua and his collages were able uncover most of the connections between the king and Ultima, and how he used others to manipulate towards Ultima's will.

[ Clive will pause to allow some time for his words to sink in. Eventually, and quietly, he'll turn his gaze upward and onto hers. A frown matching his solemn words.]

We discovered that Barnabas had been under his influence for years, likely even before our first meeting. He's been trying to control the strings ever since.

[garudas]

[In the silence of the library, he will no doubt hear the sound of her breath quickening, her heart racing and blood roaring through her as that anger begins to boil, her aether prickling at the underside of her skin like a burn. Her jaw sets while she listens, and even after Clive finishes explaining, there is more silence as she takes it all in. Or tries to.

Cid had explained a lot of what happened, but she knows now that there were pieces missing. He had not experienced all of it first-hand like Clive or Joshua had, had not seen Ultima's whims come to their full fruition... Had not seen what became of her king in the end. So, hearing it from him as a first-hand account of it all naturally hits a little harder. More than she was expecting, however, and she tries to simmer the fury that grows.]

He has been working in the shadows long before that, yes.

[Benedikta knows that now, but to think...

Fuck... She falls back to lean against the shelves.]

I hadn't known the depths of how far it had gone until Ultima spoke to me, and now you and Cidolfus, but... even in parting with Cidolfus, we believe that had been orchestrated, too.

[gruffier]

[ He can hear her breathing. Hear the tension in the room grow and the silence that cut thick through the air.

This was a conversation not easily had, but one that needed to be said. Should she want the truth, Clive would give it to her.

Yet slowly, and almost painfully, the words will leave his lips. ]

I've no doubt that, too, was part of end goal. He wanted the other Dominates to fight amongst themselves... to fight me. [ His hand clenches as it is brought up to his chest, frown deepening. ]

Everything he did— every step we took— it was all apart of his plan.... and we played right into it.

[ His grip grew harder. Brows furrowed together as the anger thinking about those moments began to boil in his chest. ]

Barnabas had worshipped Ultima as his one true god. He manipulated many in a cause he thought just. But even he knew he was just a stairway towards the end...

[garudas]

[Somehow, in some way, it makes her feel a little better knowing that she was not the only one. That the man who took her power from her and led to her descent and demise had played into the hand of Barnabas and Ultima as well. There is a twinge of vindication, but it is not enough to dull the sharp edge of betrayal that continues to press into her back like a knife.]

He deserved a fate far worse than the mercy of death.

[That much she knows now, and it's said with a quiet snarl. She is going to find those pearls, find those relics, and tear open the rifts just so that she can bring him here and torture him herself for what he'd done, fear be damned.]

I'd convinced myself that I loved him, you know. Blinded myself to a cause that I did not even believe in and what it meant because he could give me what I wanted. Cidolfus tried to convince me otherwise, but I wouldn't listen. He'd driven himself so far between us that I feared Cidolfus and his proposal more than I feared Odin, when in truth...

[Her jaw tightens.]

It was fear that kept me in that fucking cage.

[Never in a million years did she think she would ever confide in Clive Rosfield, and yet, here she is. But there is an odd sense of... familiarity and kinship that she feels right now. That perhaps he is one of the few people in this world, or any, who would understand what she is feeling. Why she is so angry.]

[gruffier]

[ He knew exactly what she was feeling— the betrayal, the anger, all of it. To be used and tossed aside was a feeling he was familiar with, and despite their previous differences he, too, could feel that connection from her words.

Clive will remain silent as she speaks, taking in every word. He could see the thread that Ultima created and unraveled even with his passing. He could see just how far it reached... how long it had been in the works for... how many lives they ruined.

And even now, after his passing, he still continues to haunt them all.

Eventually, and quietly, the man looks to his hand before loosening his grip. ]

I remember that day at the church. [ He pauses briefly, attempting to collect his words before continuing ] I remember Cid saying that you "just wanted to be free, free of it all."

I know I wasn't there, but I know the kind of power Ultima had over Barnabas... over you. If only I had realized sooner...

[garudas]

[Benedikta's expression hardens, that memory at the chapel drudging up all kinds of feelings.]

That had been a long time ago.

[When she had said those words, but funnily enough, they have never rung so true as they do now, and while she does not say it, the sentiment is there in her voice—the regret that colours her usual bitter and sharp tone. She hadn't realized that she had been holding in a breath until she finishes her thoughts, and she exhales slowly, trying to keep the tremble and the rage from it.]

But I will not be free until we rid this world and every other of that thing that calls itself a god. Nor will any of the rest of us.

[She shakes her head, and glances at Clive.

The worst part of it all is that, as much as she despises him now and as much as she wishes to drive a sword through him for what he had done... Benedikta still feels something for her king. Something that had been so deeply rooted in her since she was a girl saved by her erstwhile Lord Commander that she still cannot quite shake. That she perhaps never will.]

When he died... how was he?

[gruffier]

[ There was resolve in her voice, the both of them could feel it. This was no longer a battle he meant to fight on his own, but the others, too... and the most unlikely of them all was standing before him. It swelled his heart with determination, and a look of stern approval was glanced in her direction. ]

Right. We will defeat Ulitma. Once and for all.

[ He couldn't bare to relive those last moments with that god... with Joshua. No. This time would be different. This time there was a way for all of them to stop this madness. For all of them to finally be free.

But there were those who refused to allow themselves to be cut from Ultima's threads. Who slaughtered and manipulated so many for a self-righteous god... all for an empty message.

Clive's face hardened in thought. Those fantom injuries creeping along his arms and chest as he recalled those final moments of the king. ]

A zealot until the very end. But he died satisfied... to know that his end further advanced that of Ultima's plan.

[garudas]

[She does not know if that makes her feel better or worse, hearing that, and the conflict in her expression says as much without words. On one hand, he was still her king. He still took care of her. Gave her a roof. Security. Safety. She cannot so easily let that go. But on the other, to think that he was so far gone by then... To think that he would die for his god's cause, and he would throw her into the middle of it all the way that he did makes her sick to her stomach. Even worse that it was not her who got to kill him, or even get in the final word.

There is far too much, and she is going to need some time to process it all.

For now...]

I am sorry that you had to see him that way.

[Her voice is a conflict of emotions that she shakes off.]

Onto more pressing matters, have you and your brother figured out what to do about.... it? Ultima is somehow... crystallised in his chest.

[gruffier]

[ She did not need to say anything at all to know that her thoughts were just as well conveyed. To be with someone for that long- to serve and to fight on their behalf- only for them to end up in such a way as Barnabas did... she had every right to feel conflicted.

But for her to apologize like that? It almost stuns Clive into a small, yet shocked blink. Never did he think those words could escape her lips, much less to him, and for a moment he finds it difficult to reply.

Thankfully the conversation moves forward to something he can (and was very passionate about) so his demeanor recovers, if not somewhat deflated. ]

... No. Not yet at least.

[ Defeated. Heartbroken. His words ache with the darkened expression that causes his brows to furrow as he continues. ]

Joshua had found a way to seal part of Ultima's power, yet the more Mothercrystals we destroyed, the more powerful he became. It wasn't until the very end that we realized we were playing into his schemes all along. [ The last words almost came out as a hiss, and he curled his fingers tightly together into a fist. ] Ultima had only been growing stronger, and thus Joshua's hold on him weakened.

[ Yet, despite his obvious anger of the past, he did have something now that he didn't have before... hope. ]

But we're searching for something. Something that could contain Ultima instead of my brother. Or perhaps a way to extract it without harming him. If we can find that, then... then maybe we can put an end to all of this.

i am emOTIONS about this!!!

[garudas]

[That had been what she was afraid of, and though she had expected such an answer, it still makes her stomach knot with all manner of things. Disgust, guilt, regret, hatred, and an uncontrollable, storming rage. Things that she has not felt in a long time and did not want to feel again—not even when she had seen Cid for the first time in years. Not even when she and Clive had faced off against one another. It is like she is standing on those clifftops all over again, staring into Ultima's emotionless eyes, listening to him tell her all of the things she refused to believe.

Only this time, she will not let the rage consume her. That would mean letting Ultima win yet again.

To think that he could slither his way out and follow them all to this world, too... Benedikta was not there to see the end of it all herself, but she can put the many pieces together of what she has learned. She knows what sort of chaos he could wreak, and he would use them as the tools to bring about this world's destruction, there is no doubt about it.

She was not about to let that happen on her watch.

Resolved, Benedikta takes a single firm step towards Clive, and she looks—honestly—like she is about to punch him square in the nose with how tightly her fist is bound.

But instead...]

This is no longer only your fight, Rosfield.

[... She raises a hand between them, palm sideways.]

You and I might have our many differences but on this, we stand on the same ground. And we will not contain him, but we will kill that fucking god. Even if it means I must run my sword through him myself.