open 🪶 cut me deep, the secrets & lies

[garudas]

Who: Benedikta Harman & you.
Status: Open log.
Where: Around the Roost, Atnam, and Eltrut.
What: Benedikta is still bitter about the truth, but she has finally come out of hiding after the event with Garuda, and she's trying to re-integrate back into her old life, as well as looking into the pearls.
Warnings: Probably FFXVI spoilers.



🗡️ i. at the roost; closed to the hideaway crew + visitors/close friends

[It had taken a few extra days, perhaps more, for Benedikta to finally come out of hiding from within the confines of hers and Cid's home on the island. Those who have come and gone in that time may have noticed things being a touch more discreet around there, with extra food and supplies—more than what one person would need—being left at the door, as well as no one being allowed inside. And even after those few days have passed, Benedikta herself remains quite inconspicuous, and those who pay close attention will notice that Cid has not only been staying in later in the mornings, but he has been more chipper. When asked, he simply answers with a wink, and something like "our little bird has returned to roost" before carrying on with a smile and no further explanation. (Everyone be sure to thank Kaveh for sound-proofing their house!)

Eventually, however, she will need to leave for one reason or another, mostly to stretch and a need for fresh air, and while she will not seek anyone out on her own and is very sneaky about leaving, she can be found around the island in a number of places throughout the month:

In the high-up gryphons nests, trying to make amends with them, likely cleaning, stringing up some feather decorations or bickering with the younger ones. In the gardens where she (tries to) tend to the vegetables, though without much of a green thumb, she's failing miserably, grumbling curses to herself and at the tomatoes in her frustration. At one of the many beaches on the island taking a lone dip. The library, searching for a book or in the middle of reading one. For those feeling more daring to climb the higher cliffs, she can also be found up there, quiet and contemplative as she lets the winds brush over her and her feet dangle over the edge. Sometimes, she might even have a small owl with her—the very same one that's been around the Roost for several months now. Those lucky enough might even find her up there teaching that owl how to fly. And when not at the edge, she might be in one of the flower fields overlooking the ocean, and while she is typically not one to pick them, she could very well be spotted weaving some stems together to craft something...

While these are the most likely places to find her, it is certainly not limited to just these!]

( OOC Note: There was no announcement made by anyone about Benedikta coming back to the Roost, but people are free to either have deciphered the news of her return from Cid, noticed on their own through piecing things together, or can be surprised to find her! Whatever floats your boat. )

🗡️ ii. special investigations on atnam; ota

༄ a. archives. [Several weeks later after her return, she embarks back out to ATNAM this time. She has a highly vested interest in the search for the pearls and the Ancient Leviathans, namely the relic that can control the rifts, so it's no surprise that she can be found in their Archives, searching. As much as she does enjoy a good book, it is not often that she can be found hunched over one for research purposes—it was never really her forte despite being the Intelligencers' Commander for many years. She had men who would do that while she led them. Her skills lay in subterfuge more than anything else, so needless to say, she finds all this a bit frustrating already as she flings yet another book across the room with a bit of wind and no consideration for anyone who might be nearby.]

Is there not one book in here that has information that does not read like fiction!?

[Though, not all of her books are about the leviathans, but should anyone glance at them, they may spot others about this world's magic, and curses...]

༄ b. guarding the pearls. [She'd have gone down to the underwater ruins if she could have, but even she is not stubborn or stupid enough to do so in her current condition, and her injuries are still very much on the mend. While very grumpy about it, she has instead taken up watch when she has grown tired of pouring through books upon books, and at least here, she feels much more in her element here, with her sword strapped to her hip. Not that anything interesting is happening as she and whomever has been stationed with her walks the perimeter of ATNAM, but she keeps her senses trained and keen on any shifts in the wind.]

I'd have thought there would be more activity, what with these valuable pearls...

[Help, she's already bored and restless as all hell, and as her fingers twitch around the pommel of her sword, she feels that itch to just drive it through something.]

🗡️ iii. looking around eltrut; ota

[It has been some time since she's been on Eltrut. Well over a month now, given how things had gone down with Garuda. She wonders if the leviathan knows anything about who or what it was that attacked it and that she was back here, but so far, she's run into no trouble. She's been keeping herself fairly inconspicuous, not talking to anyone unless absolutely necessary, as she walks through the streets, looking things over. While the cleanup seems to be mostly complete, she notices some differences—places that look changed from before, likely rebuilt after the damage that had been done, and the piers are looking sturdier than ever.

It doesn't make those feelings of guilt any easier to handle. If anything, seeing it all only makes her angrier, the sights dredging up the horrible memories of that day. Those black, lifeless eyes that stared into her soul, and that sense of dread that overcame her. It was a rage that she'd never quite known or felt before, and an in effort to stem that riptide, she sets off to do that other thing that she came out here to do.

When she is not at the lookout by the pier with her pipe in her hand, staring out to the sea with nothing short of contemplation all over her expression, she will be found in numerous different shops. Cidolfus had urged her to try and find something to do to help pass the time while she recovers—a new hobby, a new passion... It's certainly not something that she would have thought of herself. But if she's to get past this and move on, if she is to learn how to stand on her own feet again... He might be right, and she hates it.

It could be in a crafts shop, where she stands there holding knitting needles in her hands, staring at them like they are the most foreign things to her. She knows how to sew, thanks to her "upbringing", but that would be all. Perhaps one of the greenhouses, staring at the the dozens of flowers for gardening or variations of cacti with a look of disdain, and she asks what the fuck a succulent is. Maybe it is at a hardware shop (what? Yes, she's confused about how she wound up here, too) looking at the different types of wood or paints that she can buy, mumbling something about birdhouses. If not there, then at one of the many clothing or jewelry shops, simply shopping around. Maybe even looking for a new dress...

And when she's grown tired of her search, she'll end it in her favourite bookshop, very likely in the middle of flipping through the pages of a book in the magic section with her brows drawn together...]

🗡️ iv. wildcard

[None of these options work? Hit up my plotting comment up over here if you want to plot something more specific, and we can hash out the details! Or you can hit me up in the game discord, via DW PM, or over at crystariums! I'd prefer to plot something out this month since she's being a bit guarded, and likely won't be doing a ton of MANTA stuff either, but I would be happy to figure out something else!

I'd also just like to note that while I don't mind it, Benedikta will likely not be too open to talking about Garuda stuff to people outside of the crew/those who fought her, so bringing it up will definitely be a sore topic and it's likely she will either deflect or bite back. Also want to mention that unless they are part of the Hideaway crew or she has directly told them that she is Garuda's Dominant and what that means, that information is not available to characters. That includes knowing that the beast that attacked Eltrut is Garuda, as only certain people should be privy to that information. If you're unsure, then please feel free to reach out!]

Comments

[garudas]

[Benedikta's misdirected ire softens a touch, loosing with a huff, and she hushes her voice.]

A transformation like that...

[Her mind wanders back to a far too recent memory, not of this time, but the last time she experienced it.]

Is not typically something a Dominant can walk away from, no. I suppose I should consider myself fortunate that someone was able to knock my sense back into me, and pull me free from Garuda's thrall.

[moremystyle]

[A Dominant? That's what Benedikta is? Faris doesn't know what it means but she's obviously saying it like it's got a capital letter.]

Never heard of a Dominant, but I'd guess that has to do with your ability to tie the winds in knots and grow wings when you've a need to.

So you're bound to some kind of spirit, then.

[garudas]

[Benedikta glances over her shoulder, left then right, eyes narrowed.]

This is not the place to speak of this... [A pause, and she eyes Faris a moment.] But you at least should have an explanation.

[He deserves as much of one, considering he'd been one of the few who'd gone up against Garuda face-to-face.]

Let us go outside?

[moremystyle]

[In response, Faris sets down his thread and nods to the door. Once they're at a sufficient distance from the entrance to the shop, he'll cross his arms, regarding Benedikta with a difficult-to-read expression.


But if it's difficult to read, it would be even harder to articulate. Faris doesn't know whether he likes Benedikta. The women he knows are gentle, at their core--it's a trait Faris had, if only subconsciously, associated with them. He associated it with them in a way he never did with himself. But Benedikta? She's hard and ruthless. It's so much the opposite of what he's used to.

How is she like that? Why is she like that? Those are questions Faris wants to ask almost as much as what the hell was with the bird demon form and why did you target me. But they'll be a lot harder to put into words. So. He doesn't.]

[garudas]

[Honestly, she would prefer it if he did over this... awfully loud silence that follows them all the way outside. The kind that makes her entire body as stiff as a drawn bowstring, and the stone specks in her shoulders ache all the more because of it. It's getting better these days, easier to manage, but the moment she thinks about them, it's almost as if her mind makes them hurt.

She leads him to a place across the street, closer to the piers, and even when she stops at the overlook, she does not speak at first, only glancing over her shoulder to catch the look that he is giving her. All of the questions that remain unasked there in his expression.

But it's as good as any place to start.

Turning sharp on her heel, her expression hardens further.]

I suppose you could say that I am bound. I carry within me the Eikon that you saw and fought, Garuda.

[A pause, and her jaw sets as her hand moves to the hilt of her sword.]

Not only does she slumber inside of me, but we share our aether, and in turn, I can draw upon her magicks to wield.

[moremystyle]

[So Garuda is... something else. Another entity that shares Benedikta's body somehow, one that she can call on--but also one that can decide to come out whether anyone wants her to or not.]

So you're tied to this... thing in you. And she's got a mind of her own. [Faris remembers well her bond with the warrior spirits within the crystal shards, and how strange it had felt to hold one and suddenly be capable of fighting in a way he'd never have contemplated before. But they didn't take over. The worst they could saddle you with was a questionable taste in clothes.] Why'd she get out like that? And why'd she go after me?

[garudas]

[He is almost on the right track with that thought process. Almost.

At that first question, Benedikta visibly stiffens. The why of it all is not something that she is willing to share so openly. Not even the other Dominants are aware of what exactly it was that caused her to allow Garuda to seize control...]

She usually does not have a mind of her own. I simply lost control of her in the moment.

[She's going to focus on the first part and pretend that she didn't hear it, but she is slightly offended that anyone might think that Benedikta does not have any control over her at all times. Even if she spent the better part of her time here trying to chain her down from within.]

As for why she went after you... [Benedikta raises her brows.] That, I am not so sure. How did you end up where you were anyway?

[moremystyle]

[Faris notices that Benedikta is declining to answer one of his questions. He's not interested in the why beyond wanting to know if it's liable to happen again--it would be really nice if it didn't--but he's not one to cast stones for keeping tight-lipped about personal matters. He'll just have to figure out a different way to ask.]

I saw the squall kicking up and then those two harpies in your train made a beeline for me. [It tastes bitter for Faris to have to admit he was bested, even so long after the fact, to the person who did it and therefore already knows.] I held 'em off as long as I could, but they got their claws in me. And then you turned up.

Wouldn't listen to one damn thing I had to say, either.

[garudas]

Two harpies?

[Realization sinks into Benedikta's expression, replaced quickly by confusion.]

You mean my sisters. But they...

[She stares at Faris a moment, her eyes slightly narrowed.]

They were bringing women back to the nests... That much I do recall because that was my own command.

[moremystyle]

[Why the heck was that Benedikta's command?

The question enters his mind so fast that Faris has his mouth open to say it when something else kicks at him. Unfortunately, he knows himself a little too well by now. Well enough to know that he'll take any chance at a distraction if it holds off an uncomfortable truth.

But. Well. Benedikta's told a secret, and if that was the order she gave, it's understandable she'd ask...

So instead of asking that question, Faris clears her throat. This is never a comfortable moment. Not that it's happened often, but so far, it's never been comfortable.]

I was born a girl. The pirates that found me lost raised me up to be a man.

[garudas]

[There's a sense of confusion and genuine surprise at first in Benedikta's furrowed brow, but there is an understanding that is slow to come sinking into her features, but it's there. Still, she cannot help but ask—]

Why?

[She thinks she can at least figure out some of it, or at least, why anyone would do that in Valisthea, but she is not about to leap to such conclusions for Faris.

But now that he has said so—or she—Benedikta can see it. It hadn't been obvious before, mainly because it was never something she looked for, but now that Faris has said it... she cannot stop noticing the more feminine features.]

[moremystyle]

Because I was found by pirates, that's why. [Faris has asked herself more than once what would have happened if it had been anyone else--a family of fisherfolk, or merchantmen, or someone else. Chances are that she'd have stayed Sarisa and been returned to her royal family much sooner than later.

It is one of the many things about her life that she has not managed to resolve her feelings on. She isn't ashamed of being a pirate. And she's certainly glad she's not a pile of tiny bones at the bottom of the sea. But things could have been different, and if they had been, would they have been better?] They're not overfond of having women on their crew, leastways not on the planet I'm from.

[Mind, Faris isn't sure whether or not they know now. She hadn't exactly made an effort to keep the whole 'princess' thing secret from them when the cat got out of the bag. So they probably know. But they act like they don't. Never let it be said that pirates will face an emotional issue head-on!]

[garudas]

[That leaves a sour taste in her mouth, and it shows on Benedikta's face. It's just as she figured because she imagines it's not so different in her world. Though rather than pirate ships, it is men who rule kingdoms and countries rather than captain ships, though there is no shortage of that, too.]

How old-fashioned.

[Not that she's one to talk.]

I will give you credit where it is due, you are quite good at hiding the fact that you are a woman. But...

[Now she tilts her head.]

Why continue to hide it here?

[moremystyle]

[Faris puts her hands on her hips, looking away from Benedikta. Why indeed? It's not like she still bothers to hide it at home--but it's not even about hiding anymore, is it. She thinks back to Rem, asking her what set of words she wanted to be used.

Faris hadn't had an answer, just "use your common sense." But just saying "I don't know" doesn't seem like enough. Because "I don't know" isn't actually the right answer, even if she can't point to one thing that she can "know."]

I'm not ashamed of it. Don't get me wrong. I knew women at home who could kick a demon's arse five ways to Sunday. [Why. Why indeed. It's not like she even knows how to--well, she knows how to be a man damn well.

It was fifteen years. She's used to one more than the other. But...] There's no rule saying I can't be what I like. And if there is, I don't care to follow it.

[garudas]

[Benedikta does not judge, her own expression more curious than anything at Faris's answer. It's not as if she cares much for what people consider themselves, but she certainly hopes for one thing—]

I do hope that it is not because you are still beholden to those men who took you in. Or anyone for that matter. Here, or back there.

[It's one thing to owe someone a favour for their help, but one's identity is not something that should ever be on that list. And while it is not quite the same, Benedikta knows too well what that feels like, to feel like she is in debt to another, as well as feeling the need to be something that she isn't.

... Until she turned into that.]

[moremystyle]

...They might know. It isn't as though we've talked about it.

[Faris has already revealed much and isn't keen on going all the way to "I am also a princess, technically." But the crew does know that, so, logically...

Maybe if he'd gotten to be raised as a lass he'd know how to talk about things like this?]

But I'm beholden only to me and the things I decide to do. The same is true of my sister and [hm, what is Krile?] the other lass back home. So--I don't need bird women whisking me away to some nest somewhere for my own protection. If they show up and your lasses try it on them, I'll have to take exception to that just as much.

[It's a little levity, trying to bring the conversation out of such dire straits as how awful life can be for women who are openly women.]

[garudas]

[She snorts quietly under her breath, a hand falling to her hip, some of that tension easing out of her posture. Not all, but enough that it's noticeable.]

I will try to remember that for next time.

[Not that there will be a next time, she hopes, and that slight quirk of Benedikta's lips disappears.]

Although, I do not intend to let it happen again.

[moremystyle]

That's good.

[Faris very much doubts that Benedikta had control over letting it happen the first time. Why would she let herself become such a creature? So wild, with no control over herself at all...

It's so different than the tightly-lipped, tightly-bound person in front of her. Very slightly less tightly bound, at least, now that they've said some things out in the open.]

...Mind you. It was a wake-up call. Realized I needed to be more careful about not getting killed on some other planet. You ought to be, too.

[garudas]

As if I needed the wake-up call. I will be sure to thank Garuda the next time I see her for it.

[Or smack the Eikon for doing what she did and nearly killing her.]

I've no plans to get myself killed again in another world. Least of all this one. But it's not as if this place takes that into consideration most days. I have run into more trouble here than what I could ever hope to achieve in my world.

[A sidelong glance at Faris.]

I should hope it is not the same for you.

[But with that out of the way—]

If you've any questions for me...

[The rest of her sentence hangs, because she cannot say she would or would not answer them, depending on what it is. Or, if Faris has none, then all the better for it.]