escordvi | closed 🪶 i'm in the end, just what you made me.

[While she says nothing, there is a light thump in the grass after several long moments of a silence so heavy that it may sound as if she'd simply left. But her boots trample over the dried leaves, and there is a wind that brushes the fire. She isn't even sure why she is accepting his invitation—it's not as if she has any interest in actually befriending the Phoenix considering who it is she knows he associates with, but...

If she is being honest, she hasn't found a reason to loathe his company yet.

And 'tis true—they have much to talk about now that the throes of battle and bloodshed are done. Perhaps a good distraction will serve her since the rest of this place has done a piss poor job of it.]

Not many would dare invite the damned harpy to sit by the fire.

[They all frown and snap their teeth at her instead. As if she gives a shit, she just snaps right back, but Joshua is the only one who hasn't.

From behind him, he'll hear her lighting her pipe and inhaling softly.]

You've yet to bore me with your surprises.

[And here she is, slumping on the upturned log next to him, though unlike him, Benedikta faces her back to the flames.]

[They seem like a mirror once she takes her seat. Where Joshua faces the flames and the warmth and lets it glow on his features she sits with her back turned with the darkness and the moon reflecting on her pale skin. Joshua makes no comment on this and only allows her to sit where she chooses.]

I'm surprised, I'm sure you have just as many interesting things to say as any other harpy.

[A light joke, said softly.]

I assume that after our battle with the horde of the undead we might have something we could talk about.

[Benedikta does turn around to look at him, a brow raised at that.]

Oh, there is much to talk about.

[Not just the priming, or the attempts to, but... a lot of other things, too. Things that she won't bring up quite yet, of course, but they are thoughts at the very forefront of her mind. Peskily so.]

Cidolfus tells me you informed him of that little mishap.

[She isn't upset about it in the least. If anything, she laughs because she can only imagine his reaction to it. He had even brought it up when he appeared in her apartment just as small.]

But did he tell you about his?

[Joshua does raise a curious eyebrow because he wasn't so sure if Cid was going to bring it up or not. So, he nods. There's nothing to hide about that.]

I did tell him, I thought it important information for him to know about as well. Seeing as our ability to prime has been... tempered.

[To say the least...]

Did Cid have a mishap also...?

He did. Left a scorch in my ceiling thanks to it.

[Bitterness laces her voice, but it has long since been patched, at least.]

He was not much bigger than you, yet he claims to have had his full power, thanks to a boost from another.

[She won't get into the details unless Joshua asks. It's all very boring and even more stupid.]

Though, if I recall correctly, you did not. [Something in Benedikta's demeanor shifts then, as sudden as the wind.] I have been meaning to ask... what did it feel like?

...? [Joshua raises a curious eyebrow. It certainly does pick his interest.] Thanks to the boost of another? Please do not tell me you're referring to someone having summoned him...?

[Because he's still not sure about all of that.]

And to be perfectly honest... It felt muted. It felt as though my flames were being caged. Or something was resisting me from the inside out.

[Which ... Well. He's just hoping this is not an Ultima-related thing.]

[Benedikta waves a dismissive hand at his question. It's a long story, and she can get into it after.]

And you have refreshed your tattoo?

[The fact that they even need them here to use their powers is all a bit stupid, if she's honest. It's a needless hassle, and that octopus man that runs the parlour is near insufferable.]

[Joshua shakes his head.]

Honestly, I have not.

[He wonders if there is a correlation there but something tells him that there might not be. But maybe he should get a new one in the morning...]

And you? Have you still not fully primed whatsoever?

[She laughs.]

After seeing what the attempts to have done to you and Cidolfus?

[She gives him a look as if to say, Phoenix, please.

But her whole demeanor suddenly shifts to something less relaxed and more tense, her shoulders squaring, and she considers fishing out her pipe when there's a spike of something ugly in her chest, like claws raking over her insides.]

However... [Casting a sideways glance to Joshua.] Have you felt the Phoenix's presence much since?

[Joshua was about to remark that maybe it'll be different for her and she should give it a go- in a very soft passive-aggressive cheeky way.

But the shift has him raising an eyebrow.]

I can feel the warmth of my Eikon, however, it is very faint.

[He wonders why that question comes up...]

But perhaps that is because I was born with its flames in my heart.

[He doesn't know what it's like not to have the Phoenix.]

[Interesting that he should say that. Benedikta had no idea that he had been born with the gift, rather than have it thrust or bestowed upon him like all the others that she knows of. She recalls how her own awakening had been—horrible and terrifying, and she wonders if it might have gone differently if she were born with the winds in her heart like he was the flame.

He won't be left wondering for long, though.]

Garuda.

[She says the name quietly. She doesn't know why she is confiding in the Phoenix about this at all, really. Birds of a feather, maybe? Or that she doesn't feel like he might judge her, considering the history that she has pieced together.]

She has been loud since the day at the gallows.

Loud, you say?

[Joshua does regard her with a curious expression. There's nothing judgemental in his eyes. Only a soft quiet curiosity like he approaches about many things.

Truth be told he's always wondered about how the other Dominants have led their lives. Wondered about how they have felt about their own Eikons and power. All of them have led tragic and painful lives, set about them by a cold world and alien magic. How they have come to accept that or not is something he's always wondered.]

If I may... What happened. How did you feel that day?

[Yes. This is why she feels oddly at ease right now, and the fire flickers when a light wind gusts over it.]

Angry.

[That about sums up her feelings. Barnabas had gone, and when she'd followed Cid's trail of aether in search of him, that was where she found him, head beneath the guillotine.]

Like I might have lost control of her had Cidolfus not intervened.

[Benedikta arches a brow at him.]

They say that the Eikons tend to awaken at times of high stress, do they not?

I have read such things.

[Which might be why the Phoenix is so quiet at the moment. As stressed out about a lot of things as Joshua is he also feels calmer about a lot of things happening in his life. ... Happy. Even. Perhaps to an extent.

He presses his lips together and considers her situation...]

Perhaps our emotions affect our eikons more than we truly understand. And while I believe your emotions were granted that day I do suggest trying to find a way to come to terms with them before you do lose control.

[Come to terms with her anger? Or whatever it was about Cid that helped her regain control? It's for her to say.]

[She lifts her eyes at him, as if he's just spoken in a completely foreign language.]

Come to terms with it?

[The question is quite loaded, but mostly, as her eyes speak louder than words do: how?

And then, an idle thought occurs to her.]

I fear that Garuda might be different from the rest of the Eikons...

[That question is not something Joshua can answer. He does not know her well enough to understand how she might come to terms with her own thoughts and feelings.

But there is one memory that flashes through his mind that makes him wonder her second comment...]

... I'm not so sure. I think when it comes down to it... We are all capable of losing control when our emotions flare. When we can no longer contain the sheer depths of our emotions we can...

[Flashes of fire. Burning. Unrelenting flames. Bodies burning alive. Everything. Burning. Father.

Joshua looks away.]

Lose ourselves.

[Benedikta can read his expression easily enough... and more than that, she has read enough books on the Night of Flames to figure it might have crossed his mind.]

... And you have, have you not?

[They both have.

Her own voice is quiet, and she has some morsel of respect for the Phoenix that she removes her eyes from him as she asks and carries it to the fire. She wouldn't want to be under anyone's scrutinizing stare either.]

[There's a small relief when she looks away. Because thinking of that night brings up painful and complicated memories. Guilty feelings that edge and cut into the depths of his heart. If only he had been older. Stronger. Been able to hold the burdens heavy upon his shoulders...

He nods quietly.]

I have. It is not something I wish to experience again.

I should hope that none of us do.

[Is that something that Benedikta would wish on even her worst of enemies? ... She isn't sure that she can say with confidence that it is. At least, not anymore. Now that she has distanced herself from her own demise, and now that she can feel Garuda stirring, screeching inside her, it's not something she wants to embrace. She's quite terrified of doing so, which is a strange feeling for her.

Once upon a time, she relied on Garuda's power too much, and it only took her dying to realize it.]

Should that day ever come, I trust you would do the right thing.

[Should that day ever come for her.]

...

[He looks at her, his gaze uncertain.]

And what do you define as the right thing?

[He's not sure how he feels about this.]

[She chuckles gently under a breath.]

Don't worry. It's nothing dramatic.

[She would never allow him to kill her if that is what he is thinking. So, she will give him her answer swiftly, a slight glint in her eye from the fire as she turns her gaze to him.]

Protect the people.

[Joshua doesn't look away from her when she looks at him with that conviction glittering in her eye. He instantly realizes how sincere she is being. And for that, he feels as though he has truly misjudged her in the past. Benedikta Harman. A survivor just like the rest of them. He is glad that he has this chance to change his opinion now.]

I will do my best.

[He can promise that much. If something were to happen. He would protect the others with his entire being. First.]

[He has every right to have "misjudged" her, or simply judged. She would have done the same had she known before that it was the Phoenix who she'd captured within the Caer. But unlike the rest of them, it would seem that she has mistook him in turn.]

I know I could count on you, at the very least.

[Trust him? That much is still up in the air, but just like all the others, he is as virtuous as they come. A trait that she despises in people because she believes that no one can be completely so. The world doesn't allow for that to exist alone in any one person. But if there is anyone she could believe to do the selfless thing and protect those that she has come to care about...

Well, who better than the Phoenix himself?

She kicks her feet and stands.]

I'd best be leaving. The fire is getting a little too warm.

[The conversation itself a little too sincere.

But she also came here with a job and that was gathering more information.]

Do take care.

[He'll return his gaze to the fire. This has been quite a sincere conversation and he's surprised about it too... All the better than being thrown around by her hand, though.]

Of course. Goodnight, Lady Benedikta.

closed 🪶 i'm in the end, just what you made me.

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think we can wrap this one up! 💚

🎀