escordvi | (no subject)

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Who: Kaveh and YOU
Status: Open
Where: Surasthana Cafe on Eltrut!
What: The grand opening of a book cafe.
Warnings: God I hope not.

[Kaveh hasn't talked much about what he's been working on for a few months now, because he wanted this moment to be a surprise (and because he didn't want to be scolded for overwork). It has finally paid off, now, with the grand opening of the Surasthana Cafe, just in time for the deep end of the fall season. The cafe is cozily furnished and warm, the smell of lovingly brewed coffee floats through the air, and soft music plays from Mehrak.

Kaveh isn't expecting a huge rush on any given day--this was done for his own sake more than anything, but now on weekday afternoons, the little book cafe can be found and people can stay a spell, enjoying expertly made coffee drinks and some light reading in a ridiculous plant paradise.

If you have any requests for new kinds of books, or wish to purchase various accessories, stop by the front counter! The owner is happy to accommodate you, after all.

ooc: you may also treat this post as a mingle and toplevel accordingly, just mark if you are doing so! Otherwise, Kaveh will be coming for you!]

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[Alhaitham had his suspicions as soon as Sherlock gave his initial answer of 'another person', but its nice to see his hunch confirmed quickly enough—and without him having to prod about it as well, to boot. It makes everything much easier to handle in his opinion, and he'll never be against that.

He stays quiet as he listens to the entirety of Sherlock's explanation, continuing to remain silent even after the detective is done, though its not hard to see why that is so given the contemplative look that's come onto his face. A good bit of time pauses before Alhaitham does finally break said silence to speak.]

I see. [Obviously, the significance of Sherlock's answer there has not escaped him, but he sees no need to harp on the emotional aspects of that topic. It's been talked about before, and Sherlock isn't asking him about relationships here, so he sees no point in lingering on it. What matters right now is this issue of Sherlock's that clearly needs to be addressed.] Can you give examples of what worked for you, and what did not?

[ Sherlock awaits his verdict, waits for everything to start crashing down. The detective cannot be certain what is real and what is not. He sees and hears things that aren't actually there. Who would trust someone like him? Why would anyone want to be near someone who's mad, who... ]

An example?

[ Alhaitham isn't going to give up on him? ]

W-Well, sounds and touch. Watson called out to me and then often put his hand on my shoulder or arm, grounding me. The sounds of his typewriter has also brought me out of my nightmares and back to reality.

[ But as for the other part of the question. ]

I'm not sure if I could give examples of what not worked because I didn't realize I was detaching from reality. Maybe someone not being specific enough or purposely vague. Or being part of that detachment.

[Alhaitham doesn't see why he should distrust Sherlock about what he claims. After all, he has see the effects of what a broken mind can turn people into, no thanks to the effects of the Divine Knowledge Capsules. But more than that, Sherlock has always been straightforward and honest with him—so as far as he's concerned, there is no reason to doubt him.

But with that having been said, it doesn't seem like that sort of acceptance is something that has happened to Sherlock, given the brief display of surprise he'd showed. Alhaitham briefly narrows his eyes at that, but chooses to not comment on it for now since the focus right now is not there.]

I'll be more direct. I'd like for you to describe whatever you can remember of those times when you could not distinguish fantasy from reality. [Alhaitham does, at least, make sure to not sound forceful about this request.] I'm no expert, but I've read some topics about the subject before, and my understanding is that such things tend to have an underlying trigger behind them. If we know that, then perhaps it'll be possible for you to gain some control during such situations.

[Still, he'll leave it up to Sherlock. If he isn't comfortable with sharing, then Alhaitham won't force the subject.]

[ He tries to get his thoughts into order, and his casebook is in his hands before he consciously intends to reach for it. At the time, he might have questioned John's suggestion of writing things down to help, but he did write. If only to keep himself from forgetting. Sherlock still needs to bolster himself to speak on the matter because he knows how insane he'll sound, and he still fights with himself whether any of it had been real or in his mind. What was reality? ]

The more recent instances are likely more relevant than when I first started to exhibit these behaviors. The circumstances of the earlier time can no longer happen.

[ Or if it can, the circumstances have to be very specific, and should that happen, there are far larger problems than him detaching himself from reality. ~~Also some heavy content warnings.~~ ]

It was during my last case back in my world. I had gotten separated from Watson so that we may progress further. I had been perfectly able then. I walked through an ancient pathway, perhaps a door, and I found myself among the stars, impossible landscapes, the blackest waters where something lurked. I flew. I fell. The Abyss called for me. I kept calling for John to help me. The world itself transformed. I fell as John as if some evil premonition forced its way into my mind. The sun turned to darkness. I could see through the earth.

Even nearly drowning and John saving me did not pull me from where my mind had gone. I still could see the myriad of stars stretching beyond infinity. I saw myself through a kaleidoscope, multiplying and distorting. I saw how small one was compared to the immense everything of the cosmos, and all of it turned to horrible ruin from that evil god.

Only John's continued speech, his hold upon me, and reminding me that I had asked him to intervene managed to break me free from all that. We had people to save, a case to finish. I could then see where I had ended up and could see and hear John clearly.

[ He can't lift his gaze, but his knuckles turn white at his recollection. Sherlock knows he's saying a lot at once. Where once he needed bolstering, now the floodgate has been opened. ]

I thought that perhaps some hallucinogens from the cultists had altered my mental state, but it was far too real, and there had been no trace in that area. John hadn't succumbed to anything. In other instances where hallucinogens could have been a possible trigger, he showed no influence. It was me alone.

Something in this world triggered a similar fall into that madness. The leviathans had banded together to protect Esiotrot. I have gotten better at distracting myself from the fact that we are on a living sea creature in a world of water, but seeing them move and creating giant waves was too much. I returned to that world and once more had to be brought out by another.

[Alhaitham is quiet as he listens to Sherlock's explanation, never once attempting to stop or interrupt no matter how fantastical his words may seem. Make no mistake, they are deeply fantastical, to the point where it almost seems unreal. And perhaps, once upon a time, Alhaithm might have dismissed something like this, but now—

—now, it is more than just the inexplicable nature of this world. It is also the things that he has seen and experienced—and more importantly in this case, read. The previous Sages, after all, had experimented plenty with the effects of Divine Knowledge upon the now mad and exiled scholars that still remain in Aaru Village, and all of those records are well known to him. That being said, Alhaitham isn't necessarily pinning this in the same category, there is also no denying the similarities, either.]

An abyss, perceived as a boundless sea—and your companion, serving as an anchor... [It's all very metaphorical, but it does feels exceptionally fitting. It does also explain Sherlock's avoidance of open waters, which was hard to miss given the fact that the yard in their house does have a rather direct view of the sea that surrounds Eltrut.] Obviously, whatever happened has left a deep impression, and you've equated that experience to the sea itself. [It's hard to not feel sorry about that, honestly. At least Alhaitham's own avoidance of the sea is for more understandable reasons.

But that aside, this clearly is... not an easy matter to solve. Alhaitham is almost tempted to bring up the concept of Divine Knowledge and its effects as a comparison, but ultimately discards the idea. It's not like that will do anything to help—and more importantly, the whole thing is moot anyway since the Akasha has been made defunct, thus rendering Knowledge Capsules useless, so that's even less of a reason to talk about it.]

I suppose right now, the main idea is to find a way to recreate the 'anchor' that you would be able to utilize with little issue. [He eventually muses out after having spent a bit of time thinking on this.] If you can't keep yourself tethered to reality, then there is no point in the rest.

[ The Abyss is only one reason why Sherlock is afraid of water, but it is enough to understand that Sherlock will never be fully comfortable in this world. He gets seasick and will blackout. Alhaitham is in good company with disliking the ocean. ]

I don't have such a companion here. Heizou is perhaps the closest, but we are too alike. I might not be able to distinguish him from myself if I become lost in my own mind. Sometimes, it is unbelievable when I am completely sane.

[ Instead of "finding another John," as Mycroft would put it, he duplicates himself and borrows Jon's charisma and playful nature. It makes an odd sort of sense to his brain. ]

Regardless, you do not mean a person as anchor, do you?

[Honestly, Alhaitham still finds it surprising that Sherlock found a friend in Heizou of all people, but he's just not going to comment on that. At the very least Heizou is trustworthy enough, and he can't deny their shared interest in sleuthing, considering Heizou's occupation. Sherlock clearly senses some form of kinship with the Inazuman too, given the remarks that he'd just made there.

That's not really the topic they're focusing on right now though—with Sherlock himself saying as much—so Alhaitham puts that aside, nodding in agreement.]

While it can be a person, it's also impossible to guarantee their presence when you need them. [Something Sherlock would know better than Alhaitham himself, he thinks.] It would make more sense for it to be something that you can have with you at all times, or at least close to that. Ideally it would also be something that your mind will be able to perceive consistently, past any falsehoods that present themselves to you.

[...saying it all out like this does make it sound like a bit of a tall order, but considering how deep Sherlock's delusions can get, Alhaitham does not expect this to be a one and done event. Something like this will definitely take a while.]

[ Heizou and Sherlock continue to surprise themselves when they find yet another similarity between them. There is a reason why Heizou is part of his clue wall trying to unravel the mystery that is multiple Sherlock Holmeses. They understand each other, the good and the bad that comes with being them. ]

I think it would help if it made a noise along with being a solid presence. The sounds of John's typewriter had brought me out of my nightmare before.

[ Steady, rhythmic, something that created a sense of order in a chaotic, suffocating world... Sherlock fusses with his waistcoat for a moment to detach his pocket watch which still has Mycroft's Ring of Returning on the chain. ]

Could something like this work?

[Alhaitham hums at Sherlock's words, able to see the reasoning behind what he's just said. Though Alhaitham himself is one who prefers the quiet and silence, there are also certain sounds and noises that soothe him too, especially on a bad day.

And so its with that thought in mind does Alhaitham look at what Sherlock presents, eyeing the pocket watch with a contemplative expression for several moments before shrugging.]

In theory, yes, but in a situation like this I would not put a lot of stock into a theoretical scenario, considering the nature of what you're contending with. [Things that deal with the unknown, of the mind going to strange and illogical places... its futile to truly apply logic and reasoning there, and so Alhaitham does not attempt it.] But if you believe that it will be of use, then I see no reason to assume otherwise.

[Because at the end of the day Sherlock knows himself best, and also the fact that a sentimental item will be much more effective in things like these. And beside of that, far be it from Alhaitham to dictate what it is that Sherlock should and shouldn't believe in—at least in this case.]

Edited 2024-12-14 15:56 (UTC)

[ Silence can be nice, but silence can also leave one alone with his own thoughts. Silence was unbearable on his return from Cordona when he lacked Jon's talkative nature to fill the air. It only pointed to how alone he was. Silence brings whispers from the Abyss, calling to him. ]

While I could say there would be no harm in trying, I know it would also be folly to assume no harm could come about should it fail. I know how dangerous someone can become when a mind is so broken.

[ He holds the pocket watch in his hand. He can feel the weight of it, the design on the metal, the faint ticking of the mechanism inside. He can hear that same ticking. He sees it in his hand. If he opened it, he'd see the hands move around in their steady rhythm. ]

It can give me at least three senses to focus on instead of my surroundings. Perhaps a fourth, if I can add a scent.

[ He's not going to taste his pocket watch. If he has to rely on taste to break him out of his madness, then he's already too far gone. ]

[Alhaitham certainly can't disagree with Sherlock with the first part of his response, not when he himself has seen up close what a person who lost themselves to Forbidden Knowledge can do. Granted, it doesn't exactly last long, but still. It's something that can't be ignored.

His gaze darts over to the pocket watch that Sherlock still has in his hand, a small frown coming onto his face as he continues to consider the detective's words. A scent would be helpful, but while Kaveh has been dabbling in them, he's certainly no performer like the ones that are out in Fontaine... and even then, its not like scents are as easily recreated as the mechanisms out in the desert.]

Let's try three first, then, and see how that goes. [The whole scent thing can probably be tackled at a later time, if it even becomes necessary. For Sherlock's sake, Alhaitham hopes that won't be the case... but he isn't going to hold his breath either.]

Three then.

[ In its own way, having fewer things to remember in the heat of the moment could prove beneficial. Lord knows how much Sherlock scrambles to hold onto something in his worst moments. And Sherlock knows better than to hope that he won't have another break from reality. It is not a matter of if but a matter of when. And perhaps how regularly.

With a final look, Sherlock returns the pocket watch to his waistcoat pocket and secures the chain. He sits quietly, breathing in and out. The air has a weight to it. ]

Mr. Alhaitham... If I fall into water, I will black out. There is no question about it. I cannot even take a proper bath; I am affected so. I have a number of charms on me which should prevent immediate drowning, but even with them, I still lose consciousness.

Please use that knowledge should there ever be a need for it.

[ May it never come to that. However, Sherlock will trust Alhaitham with that knowledge all the same. ]

[With that initial agreement, it'd felt like the conversation they had is more or less over, so Alhaitham doesn't think much of the silence that follows after. But it doesn't take very long for those assumptions to be corrected, as in the quiet its easy enough to pick up the sound of those intentional breaths, and Alhaitham has heard those before enough times from Kaveh to understand their significance. To say that he is intrigued would not be inaccurate, though it does make him wonder exactly what it is that has Sherlock acting like this.

Just like with earlier, it doesn't take long for him to get his answer, though when it does come Alhaitham can't say that he'd been expecting anything regarding what Sherlock says next. The brief confusion he'd had at first is expunged as he hears what Sherlock is telling him now—these admissions that have their intended purpose, and what they mean in turn.

The fact that Sherlock has apparently regarded him as somebody trustworthy enough with this information is one thing. The realization that Alhaitham finds himself not minding this is another. While its not as if Alhaitham would truly turn a blind eye to those deserving of help, he has never went out of his way to seek it like how Kaveh does. At the end of the day, the fact that Kaveh is his first priority is something that isn't ever going to change... but Alhaitham supposes he isn't quite prepared for the idea that he would find himself actually concerned for the well-being of somebody else who isn't Kaveh.

...then again he supposes if it would be anyone else that he's met here, it makes sense for it to be Sherlock. He's seen himself first hand how terrible the detective can get with taking care of himself... and they've had many conversations too where Alhaitham has come to learn and understand Sherlock's various struggles of trying to be who he is back in his world. Kaveh may have also mentioned to him before about Sherlock's nightmares...

Needless to say, there are a lot of reasons as to why Sherlock is somebody to be concerned about, but Alhaitham didn't think he'd find himself agreeable to that idea until this very moment. It's unexpected, but even then Alhaitham is not going to ignore what he feels is right. He's understood enough of the other's struggles to know that he very much deserves all the help and support that he can get.]

...alright. [He finally speaks up now that his mind has more or less come to terms with all of this.] I'm not going to say that its information I'll never need, but I'm confident enough to say that I'm sure there will be a day when you'll never need to impart such information onto others again.

[He's no Kaveh, who does his best to be optimistic in everything and everyone, but what he can trust is the fact that Sherlock has already made it this far, despite of all the challenges and difficulties. Surely, with enough time and effort, the detective will get to where he needs to be, and will no longer need all of these dependencies.]

[ Sherlock can only pray that there will be a day when he doesn't have to fear his mind poisoning itself with delusions and how it might effect others, how it might harm others. He is still fighting to remain, despite and to spite his condition. Yet, he's making preparations should his fight fail. The tragedy that befell the Holmes Family does not need to be repeated. He will see to it somehow.

By now, the cafe is likely very quiet as closing time approaches if it's not already closing time. ]

The cafe is nearing closing hours, is it not? I should probably go.

[ Is it consideration or cowardice to use that as an excuse to part ways for now? Sherlock knows he needs some time to process the conversation or even just to calm himself after revealing more than he intended when first walking through the door. He still fears that people will abandon him if word spread about his hold on his sanity. However, he's not as alone as he was when he first arrived in Escordvi. ]

Thank you for speaking with me, Mr. Alhaitham.

[ He starts to gather his things and stands. Luckily, he had no other plans for tonight because he feels too raw and exposed to put back his mask on, cracked as it is. ]

[It's not hard to see the excuse for what it is, but Alhaitham knows better than to press on it. He's learned just enough tact with Kaveh, and its also clear that continuing the conversation would not benefit either of them any further. These things that Sherlock has chosen to reveal to him—the significance in them is profound, and Alhaitham will not take it lightly.

It's also why he only speaks up after Sherlock has gathered his items and stood up, and should Sherlock look over to him he will see that Alhaitham is looking directly at him, gaze as unwavering as always, as steady as the words that he speaks.]

Kaveh made this place as a way for the two of us to have something that feels like what we remember of Sumeru. [Of course, its nowhere close to the real thing, but it doesn't change the fact that Kaveh has done everything he can to emulate the environment of the forest that they know of. Things such as how the trees can absorb and block out noise, to hear the leaves that rustle and sway—and perhaps more importantly, a way to block out the sight of water and even insulate from the noise, should one desire it so.] Just something to consider, if you ever require a temporary change in your environment.

[That's about as transparent as Alhaitham will get with giving Sherlock free reign to come and go as he pleases here, should he ever need it. He doubts Kaveh would mind, seeing as how the architect hasn't said anything about Sherlock sleeping here.]

[ Sherlock looks back at Alhaitham, blinking rapidly. "Kaveh made this place as a way for the two of us to have something that feels like what we remember of Sumeru. Just something to consider, if you ever require a temporary change in your environment." Does Alhaitham know what he's implying--no, Alhaitham does know what he's implying. It would be an insult to Alhaitham to believe he doesn't. Alhaitham is inviting Sherlock over whenever he needs to be somewhere else besides a watery world. He's inviting a man who just confessed to being mad and unable to truly know what is real or not.

It reminds Sherlock of another who knew of his shaky hold on reality and yet did not push him away. He's not sure what to fully make of it. Aren't they setting themselves up for pain or worse, actual danger? He knows how he is. He knows what he doesn't want to become but fears on the horizon.

Sherlock gives a slow nod. Words fail him. Despite his own misgivings and disbelief, he won't reject this invitation. Maybe it'll keep him saner for a little longer.

He starts for the door, and unless he's stopped for whatever reason, he'll activate his Ring of Returning once outside. There is much he'll need to turn over in his mind back at his small, lonely apartment. ]

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gotta go through the muck to find the diamond

But what if he ventures into the wrong territory?

its still a learning experience

but what if Heizou gets a hold of him and teaches him wrong?

Surely Heizou wouldn't want to mislead his detective bestie...

Sherlock fully believes top bottom middle left right is a thing because of Heizou

I mean Heizou is technically not wrong...

But they are not commonly defined terms like top and bottom are

its ok sherlock you won't need it where you're going

Where is he going?

a whoooole new world... a wonderous place he's never knoooown...

All these new worlds are exhausting in multiple ways

just gotta show them your ankles

He's not Kaveh

he doesn't need to be kaveh to show those ankles

But he doesn't want to show everyone his ankles!