escordvi | closed 🪶⚡ all the storms we have faced that tried to break our embrace...

[Even seeing it out of the corner of her eye, she still hates what that tip of his head does, and how it reels her gaze right back in.]

Worried about what?

[She tries to force a confident smile, but it falters.]

I've got you right where I want you.

[Can't fool him anymore now.]

Ben-na.

[Said with a slow enunciation of each syllable as he leans up higher.]

Tell me what this is really about.

Edited 2024-02-09 07:03 (UTC)

[She tilts her head at him, but she remains steadfast, even as he leans up at her.]

Cid-ol-fus.

[But as soon as he's close, she falters again, the corners of her lips falling away from her grin.

Because that isn't what this is about. It hasn't been all this time. And while she was able to articulate some of her feelings, there were some that she couldn't give a voice to. Some that made her skin crawl just thinking of it. Gave her that horrible feeling that she is no longer wearing her own when she admits shit like that.]

I already have. ... You know how you get, and someone needs to remind you to put it all down.

[ ... ]

[He'll gently reach up and brush her hair, fingertips ghosting against her skin.]

I believe that... But you seem quite adamant about it.

[He's also not sure how to voice his current thoughts. He has no doubt that what happened last month is what triggered this, but something about it feels off. There's her being stubborn and adamant about it, and... This. This that seems there is more than just his well-being, proven by her current faltering expressions.]

Are you really that worried about me?

Of course I am.

[She says it defensively, offended that he would even doubt her.]

Why would I not be?

[Things are different now. So, so many things are different from what they used to be, and she isn't quite sure how to take it all in.]

That's not what I meant.

[He rolls his tongue over his teeth in thought, wondering how to best voice this.]

It just feels that there's something else.

[Well, there is something else. There are a lot of something else's, but like him, she struggles with how to voice them. How to voice her wants, her concerns...

How to voice the fact that she is still stuck somewhere in their bitter past.

...

Slowly, her expression droops, and she descends over him, lowering herself until her body is flush to his, her arms around his shoulders, and her face is buried against his neck so she can cling to him tight.]

I never liked when you buried yourself in your work...

[As she comes back towards him, he leans back so they can be both be comfortable, an arm around her shoulders as he gently strokes her back with the other.]

Define "buried." I haven't even begun and you're already like this.

[She's quiet, besides the small sound that she makes in his ear—a sound of discomfort as she shifts over him.

She hates the way he needles through her like this.]

You used to work late into the night... until your candles nearly burned out sometimes...

[Those nights where she lay in his bed waiting for him to finish. She had been patient then because she thought that they had all the time in the world, but... fate would have other things to say about that.

Especially in the later months, as she spent more and more time away, that distance between them only grew. She knows why now, but back then, she hadn't realized. Neither of them had, and perhaps seeing all of this now, seeing him so eager to get back to it sends her to that time. Resurfaces memories she'd rather leave buried. Reopens that scar again.

And that isn't even the worst of it, but she's working through her thoughts. Slowly.]

Edited 2024-02-09 17:46 (UTC)

Those were different times then...

[A small sigh as he strokes her hair, thinking back. But then again, he did the same even after he left. Stayed up reading reports, working out plans.]

What I do here is on a much smaller scale.

[She closes her eyes at his hand in her hair, her chest rising and falling with a steadying breath. Already, she's feeling so... unlike herself.]

And?

[Sure, those are different, but—]

What's going to stop you from doing the same?

Starting a larger operation, you mean?

[She lifts her head just far enough to stare at him.]

Taking on too much.

Depends on what you mean by "too much."

[A small sigh.]

Just because I have a lot of interests doesn't mean I'm doing everything at the same time.

You mean projects.

[Her head drops down to his shoulder again, a stiffness finding its way into her shoulders.]

What I mean is...spending all hours on the day working on those interests.

[For fuck's sake, she wants to tear her skin right off.]

[He glances down at her a moment, his hand stilling before resuming the idle stroking of her hair.]

And if I happen to enjoy spending all those hours of the day working?

[She's silent. For a long time.

Her body tenses, that feel of his hand stroking her hair feeling less like a tender motion and more of a ploy. But she doesn't dare lift her head from where her face remains buried in his neck, her conflicted, angry expression hidden well away. Anger not directed at him, but at herself for even feeling so...

So pathetic.]

Enough that you'd forget everything else?

[... Everything else being her?]

[He thinks he's getting an idea of what she's getting at... But he won't give her an easy out, won't answer with the words she can't bring herself to say.]

Might depend on what the "everything else" is.

[Not this time.]

[He might feel her expression tighten against his skin, her lips pressing into a firm, tight line, her brows furrowing with slight ire at his constant pushing. She knows what he's doing and what he does because this isn't the first time that he's done it, and she wishes he wouldn't. That he would just take what he already knows...]

Me, Cidolfus.

[She blurts it out before she can stop herself, and she swears quietly under her breath. If she could burrow further into him and just disappear completely, she would, and hell, she will try as she mutters one more word.]

...Us.

[And there it is. Finally. If it were anyone else he wouldn't push as much, but this is Benedikta, the woman who has had him run in circles and left him wondering what she really wants and feels about them. It's more clear now, of course, but it doesn't hurt to have this kind of confirmation. Would do her more good to be more honest, too.

But as if to reward her (and likely irritate her more), he kisses the top of her head and pull her into a tighter embrace.]

I'm only human, Benna. Is it possible I could lose track of time and not realize noon has turned into midnight? Aye, it is, it's happened. But I am willing to do better about it so that it doesn't, or make up for it if it does.

[That kiss against the top of her head does a lot of both.]

Cidolfus...

[She tries to keep her frustration free from her voice, but it's near impossible.]

That is my point. You say "if it does", and I say that it should not. If you and I are to be... [... Whatever this is, and she just groans under her breath before going on.] Then no more of that.

[This is difficult.]

I understand that, truly. And I'm already trying to tell you that I won't let it happen. But you also have to realize that reality—and I—is not so perfect.

Can you honestly say that you sometimes don't get caught up in your own affairs and momentarily forget about everything else?

[Even if she doesn't look at him, she can feel that pointed look. Because that's happened before.]

[Her entire body tightens at that, legs wrapping around his, arms snaking about his shoulders, and she presses her face as firmly as she can into his neck as she says his name quietly again.]

What affairs? Unless there are projects I'm not aware of.

[She spends most of her time at home these days? Waiting for him to call or message or knock on her door? Can she go and knock on his instead? Can she call or message him instead? Sure, but how many times has she written a message and then wound up deleting it?]

Well I wouldn't know.

[And he's going to call her out on that.]

You never tell me anything.

[Which was fine before—they weren't even together or even on the best of terms, why should she? So he was fine being the one to continue to pester and be the one to make the first move—still is, honestly. Just part of his nature. However, since things are different now, it would be better if he had his own expectations set. Should he expect her to reach out or just accept it will be a rare thing and he'll have to make her for certain occasions?

If he has to make an effort to hold back to give her more time, only seems fair she needs to make an effort to step forward to do the same.]

Edited 2024-02-10 01:52 (UTC)

Well, what do you want to know?

[She didn't think it important? Granted, she isn't so used to having him around as much these days still. Not used to having him seek her out and in return, her wanting to seek him out. They used to share everything with each other, and at some point, that had stopped. Things became classified, and that rift grew until there was no time at all to tell each other anything.

And even in the first few months of being here, she wouldn't have thought to. Not while they were on good terms.

She's going to lift her head briefly to flash him a pointed look.]

And you don't, either.

[Does he remember the Gallows, or...?]

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