escordvi | [closed] 🌱🏛️ quiz, vol. 01

[When Kaveh turns to look at him Alhaitham gets to see the state of Kaveh's face, which... is not the best frankly. He can see the how red-rimmed they are, the clear signs of tear tracks that weren't quite properly rubbed away, and his hair is in utter disarray from presumably having been lying down for most of the day.

More than anything else, seeing Kaveh like this only ignites Alhaitham's desire to grab Kaveh and pull him in close like how they've been doing every night in bed, and his fingers twitch with that want. He wants, but he knows that it probably won't be received well at all, and so he doesn't do it.

Kaveh stares at him for a moment then before rolling back over, his intention to be left alone clear. Alhaitham is left straddling the line between trying to push more or leaving Kaveh alone again... but as he said, he would like to not end this day on a bad note, and so he chooses the former option.]

...I'll get you something to eat. [He thinks about mentioning the wine for a moment before deciding against it; he doesn't want to... purposefully bribe Kaveh into forgiveness, at least not know. Alhaitham knows in a way he deserves this, since he'd been the one who ultimately lashed out.] Are biscuits alright?

...Yeah, that's fine.

[Truth is, he isn't really hungry, but he'll take the offering for what it is, anyway. He can't rub at his face or try and fix the mess of his hair without sitting up, and he doesn't want to admit how upset he was because--really. It's pathetic, isn't it? It's just a fight. They fight all the time. It's one of the first things anybody in Sumeru knows about Alhaitham, and like maybe the third thing anybody knows about Kaveh.]

[Alhaitham hums just loud enough so that Kaveh knows that he heard him, then rises from the divan in to head back to the kitchen and scrounge out some biscuits for Kaveh to eat. That, at least, does not take too long, and soon enough Alhaitham comes back out with a small plate of biscuits and also the infinite cup of coffee.

He brings both of those things to the coffee table in front of the divan and places them there, then goes back to sit at the same spot as before. He looks at Kaveh for several moments then, but ultimately does not say anything and simply turns to stare at the floor instead.

...he knows he should say something here, but despite all of his studies in Haravatat its now incredibly hard to find the right words to string together.]

[Unfortunately, Kaveh does have to roll over to eat, or in this case stare blankly at the plate of biscuits and the coffee mug. It's a little awkward, he can't really do it without bumping his knees against Alhaitham, but...

Well, that means he's really there.]

...Where did you go.

[He didn't really mean to ask, and it's none of his business but--

He was alone here. He was alone here again and he didn't know what he'd do if Alhaitham didn't come back.]

Just around Eltrut.

[If Kaveh wants specifics Alhaitham doubts he'd be able to give them, honestly. The day's been just as much of a blur for him to. He didn't really care so much about where he was more than just... being somewhere else. Anywhere else. Maybe even back in Sumeru, if he was lucky enough somehow. But that that'd mean leaving Kaveh here, and—

Alhaitham stops that line of thought before it can continue any further. There's no point in considering it now—or ever, for that matter.

He glances over to Kaveh then, once again looking at his unkempt hair and red-rimmed eyes and knowing that he'd been the cause of it—one of the last things he'd ever wanted to do.]

Eat whatever you can. If you want something else just let me know and I'll go and get it for you.

...Mmn.

[It's not a satisfying answer to Kaveh--for all he could have known, Alhaitham could have dropped through a rift in the ground, and when would he have found out? Would he have? Would he have just gone on waiting for an apology he wasn't owed because he was too proud to give them, again?

(Why had that letter about that allotment only come after he'd given up? He hadn't had the energy to do anything but explain he didn't need a house that had come far too late.)

At the very least, Kaveh does manage to sit up, though all he does with a biscuit is nervously break it apart in his hands, breaking it down into smaller and smaller pieces for an outlet for this energy. He's angry. He can't deny he's angry. No matter how he looks at it, he can't think of anything he did wrong. But this silence is so stifling, and--

And he was wrong before, wasn't he? He can't stand the thought of it taking half a decade to understand again.]

...Sorry.

[It's hard to choke out, small and listless. He doesn't want to fight, more than anything else.]

[Alhaitham shifts to accommodate Kaveh's own shifting, settling back down once Kaveh is sitting up and taking a biscuit to presumably eat it. He stares at Kaveh again, seeing the way he breaks it into halves but doesn't do anything else, watching the ways the crumbs trickle down instead.

Truly, Alhaitham isn't sure what to expect at all, but hearing Kaveh apologize is very much not one of those things—especially not now of all times. It's surprising enough that it catches Alhaitham off-guard, and he looks over to Kaveh again, looking at him this time with a faint sense of incredulousness that quickly gives way to the unease that's been eating at him throughout this whole day.]

...I'm the one who should be saying that. [This much, at least, Alhaitham can now admit. Once when he was younger he'd have hated being wrong about things, but time and understanding has brought about clarity to things he hadn't been aware of before. As he's said not too long ago, to the Traveler and Paimon—there is no use in being right, when that does nothing at all in the long run.] I apologize for my actions this morning. I shouldn't have lost my temper on you in such a manner, no matter the circumstances.

[Sure, there are things which Kaveh has done which he hasn't agreed on, but none of them are related to this particular issue, especially when said incident itself wasn't even due to Kaveh's own volition.]

[Kaveh puffs air into his cheeks and then exhales. Irritating. Irritating. he still can't understand what happened. If it's not his fault, then what was it?]

...You weren't wrong, though. About the assumptions I've always made.

[He gives Alhaitham a long sideways look, before he returns to methodically breaking biscuits and beginning to stack them. No guesses for what he's about to start building out of them.]

I clearly don't understand what's happened. I can't, unless you talk to me.

[It's hard not to feel a little bitter about it. It used to be so easy. Why can't he ever seem to figure it out now?]

[Kaveh being busy with his hands at least means that Alhaitham has something else to look at which isn't the floor or Kaveh's face, so that's pretty much what he's doing right now. It's the easier option, at least in this very moment.]

... [Alhaitham is quiet as he listens to what Kaveh says in return, the discomfort making itself known again when he hears what has been said. Talk to me, Kaveh says, and Alhaitham knows that he should, but how can he talk about it when he can't find any words to describe what he's feeling? The closest thing he can think of is, perhaps—the Interdarshan Championship. That round, out in the desert, where Kaveh had only returned long after the sun had set. Those feelings he had then... they're not too dissimilar to this, except possibly worse—

—no, definitely worse.]

You didn't... do anything. [Alhaitham can start with this, at least. To clarify that Kaveh didn't commit any wrong that he should apologize for, this time. It might even have been easier if he actually did, but he didn't. And maybe that's part of the reason why all of this has been so hard to digest.] I...

[He trails off just as soon as he starts, because the truth is that he doesn't really know what to say at all. He's doing little more than groping in the dark, and this level of uncertainty is one that he hasn't dealt with in a long time.]

[Kaveh doesn't watch him while Alhaitham stumbles over his words, his gaze set now on the little miniature palace he's making out of biscuits. Harder, without the layer of yogurt to hold them steady, but not impossible. Kaveh's always had steady hands.]

...

[he does sigh, though, after a moment. He'd love to let this go, if it's such a struggle, but they can't. Everything keeps coming back to this, doesn't it? Always back to this same problem.]

I want to understand, Alhaitham.

[He doesn't know if it'll help or not. But Kaveh can't even help if he doesn't know what's going on.]

[If Kaveh chooses to turn and look now he'll see Alhaitham going through a series of expression, each one displaying more of his discomfort than the last. Kaveh of all people would know how terrible Alhaitham actually is at having to try and explain himself in a way for others to understand, when it comes to things like this. Then again... Kaveh isn't exactly just some other person. He used to be the one who'd understand Alhaitham easily, who'd pick up on everything without needing to be told twice. This gap that exists between them now as adults has always been something he'd found difficultly navigating around, and being here hasn't really changed much of that either.

But this isn't Sumeru, where they had other people or other things to fall back onto. Here, they only have each other, and if they lose that...

More than anything, it is perhaps that particular understanding which drives Alhaitham to speak, because there is the knowledge that neither of them truly have anything else in this place they'd been sent to without warning except each other.]

To have you understand would require me to thoroughly understand the matter itself first. [He gets the words out, and there's no denying how hard it is to even spit that out into the open, this indirect admission that he has to make.] And that is... something which I have not been able to do.

[It is a lot, for him to admit this out loud. But like it or not Alhaitham already has little people to talk to back in Sumeru, let alone this place so far away from Teyvat and everything else they've known and grown up with. Kaveh is the only one, for better or worse.]

[Well, that hadn't exactly been what Kaveh expected to hear. And how could he have? Alhaitham, who moves through the world with such ease and confidence, had always seemed as though he understood himself as well as any language he came across. To hear that it isn't true...

...Had that been what he'd been missing, all these years? Was it not that Alhaitham didn't wish to speak, but couldn't? He'd never been direct with his feelings, not to Kaveh, not to anyone, in all the years they'd known each other, but Kaveh had always thought that reticence was a dislike of sharing, not an inability to speak on it.

Though, perhaps one lead to the other. Kaveh did not learn his ability to empathize and categorize his feelings from a book, but from the world around him. For Alhaitham, always so isolated, who would he have learned from?

Kaveh's fingers still in the building of his little biscuit palace, frozen in place, and then he sighs, head dipping low. Alright, what did he do with this? It's not an answer he knows what to do with...but it's an answer, and one that had to have been difficult to give at all.]

...Well, that's a start. [He pauses, and snorts.] You are not going to like how most people learn to do it.

[he does, finally, munch thoughtfully on the biscuit and--oh. Oh he is hungry hungry. His stomach is so empty it hurts. Maybe another biscuit, then--] I get...that not knowing things about yourself is difficult. But the solution to it is to learn, and that's largely done by observing others, and what those feelings mean to them.

[Kaveh grimaces mid-biscuit.] Ugh. That's not helpful, is it?

[A certain sense of restlessness comes over Alhaitham almost as soon as he says those words, some part of him uncertain as to how Kaveh will take any of this at all. It's not really an admission he ever thought he'd made; he has, after all, gotten by just fine back in Sumeru, and had been content to keep it that way. But now that they're in this situation, where ultimately they have nobody else to turn to except each other...

Alhaitham doesn't know what is the best thing to do here, honestly. They're safe and fine, as much as they can be, but at the same time there's that ever present reminder of the unpredictable nature of this place and it is just... hard to swallow that, honestly. He's trying, but its hard, and the whole thing with the dragons had ultimately been a reminder of all of those thing he'd been doing his best to not linger over for too long.

Luckily for him, he doesn't have to wait long for Kaveh to respond, and what he says is... not too bad, actually. Certainly better than what he'd been expecting, even if the later half of said words are... well.]

It is not, because I've already been doing that. [He gives Kaveh a pointed look here, because. Well. What else has Alhaitham been doing all this time, if not observing Kaveh, and so much more? Kaveh, more than anyone else besides his grandmother, had been the one who taught him many things in his own way, in both the personal as well as general. Nobody else has and could ever really do the same, not after all this time.]

I keep telling you, it can't be just me. [Kaveh shakes his head a bit, and takes another biscuit, only to find the plate is empty??? somehow? how did that happen.]

...I guess there's no way for you to have known. People mostly learn from their...from their families, and the people around them. The more different people you meet, the more a child takes in.

[He's...uncomfortable lingering on the topic, for obvious reasons, and coughs faintly.] I'm not saying you have to go telling people you don't know how to identify what they're feeling, but hearing about what a broader range of people feel might be a better answer--it's pretty clear I don't always have the same reaction to things you do, mm?

[Which is all well and good but still leaves the current situation unaddressed...hmm.] Can you...I don't know. Describe it at all?

[Alhaitham more or less stays silent as Kaveh pretty much launches into a whole explanation on what he should be doing beyond just observing Kaveh which is—well.

The thing is that Alhaitham is certainly not denying the points that Kaveh is making there. It is true that he cannot base everything off a single people, and this is something he has known for a while now. The only issue comes with that is when he actively tries to do what Kaveh is suggesting here he can't help but inevitably compare it all back to Kaveh anyway, which would render the whole attempt moot anyway. So it'd been simply better to just focus on Kaveh at the end of the day instead of wasting all that effort that he knows will ultimately be for nothing.

But he doesn't say any of that, because he's distracted by the question that Kaveh askes him, and a slight frown comes onto Alhaitham's face as he considers it.] Are you asking in a general sense, or in this specific situation?

We could start with the situation that we are currently in, Alhaitham?

[Kaveh cannot comment on the fact he is this man's singular hyperfixation because no one has actually informed him.]

[Well Alhaitham was guessing as much but it is good to know. Isn't this the kind of assumptions they're trying not to make here now, Kaveh.

Anyway.

The mild frown on Alhaitham's face deepens as he thinks back to all the stuff that he'd been working on in his head throughout the day, this nebulous sensation that he has been unable to give a proper name unlike the other emotions he has managed to categorize.]

...uncomfortable. [He says, and unconsciously his voice gets quieter, too, as that discomforting, prickling sensation comes back to sit heavy at the bottom of his gut, too present and other to ignore.] Restless. [He closes his eyes here, trying to center himself because even trying to put words into these swirling, overwhelming sensations is a lot.] Frustrated.

...Are you...

[Kaveh pauses, chewing on his lip. This sounds a little preposterous, and he's not sure how Alhaitham will take this idea, but...hearing it like that, there's only one thing comes to mind.]

Do you think you could be...anxious?

[Is he anxious? Alhaitham considers this, the definition of what that word means and compares it to the... feelings that he is experiencing. Anxiousness, as he understands it, comes from not knowing about certain outcomes or happenings. Of not knowing what to anticipate next.

...back in Sumeru, most things had always been fairly clear cut. Do this or that. Succeed in a task or fail at it. Even his job as scribe had been that way, when one boiled it down to the basics. The only exception to all of this had perhaps been the events surrounding the coup, but it'd been cushioned by the fact that he was still in his home, the place he'd grown up in and had come to know like the back of his hand. No matter what he did, there was always that degree of comfort present.

But here, in this world that is not Teyvat, in this place that is not Sumeru, he does not have any of those luxuries, those certainties. And he is perhaps seeing now how that unsettles him in a way that he hasn't felt before.]

...I wouldn't discount the possibility. [He says, still quiet, arms having come up to cross over his chest at this point.] I know books are never the end all as a bastion of information, but I continue to find myself lacking in the fundamental understanding of this world even after all this time. What happened to you was a prime example of that lack of knowledge, and I am constantly being reminded of that.

[The explanation sort of just... comes out of him there, partly because he feels a need to elaborate, but also because he just—maybe it'll make sense to Kaveh, if he tries to describe the chain of events that lead to this. Kaveh's always been good at things like these, after all.]

[Kaveh is uncommonly quiet, just listening, fiddling idly with the coffee much just to have something to do with his hands.]

You were worried. And now, in a world that is deeply unfamiliar, that worry doesn't settle...[He puffs air out, not even a laugh, not really, and sighs.]

I think it's a rare kind of person who wouldn't be anxious in this situation. And you've never really liked surprises, either.

[Kaveh feels like everything about this place is...definitely a surprise.]

[The restlessness that Alhaitham had talked about heightens within him as he notes how unusually quiet Kaveh is. Kaveh going quiet by itself is not anything new or different to worry about, but in this moment, where this... anxiety continues to crawl underneath his skin, its hard to not feel the weight of it with everything else.

Luckily, said silence does not last for too long, and soon enough Kaveh is speaking again, outlining the circumstances of the situation with a pointed gentleness that helps to lay out the proverbial pieces in place. It is true that he's never been the best at dealing with the unexpected, and in most cases that is but a momentary thing, easily resolved. All of this, however... it is a whole different story, to put it mildly.

In the end, all Alhaitham can really do is to hum, then exhale sharply as he closes his eyes again, lips pressed together into a thin line that twists into a grimace. The discomfort in his gut has risen up to his throat now, making it awfully hard to speak even though he understands the necessity of what is happening right now. But understanding this certainly does nothing to make any of this easier to bear.]

Hey...

[Alhaitham's quiet is concerning in a time like this, and while Kaveh still feels a bit rough from dehydration and hunger, that's less important right now. So he sets the mug back down and reaches over--hesitates when the choice comes between Alhaithams' hand and his shoulder--and for reasons Kaveh couldn't explain verbally, chooses to lay his hand over Alhaithams'.]

I...can't tell you the situation's alright, not without lying to you. But you don't have to be...frustrated, about being anxious in a situation so far beyond stressful I think you best make up a new word for it, Haravatat.

[Hopefully that bit of humor...helps?]

[The touch of Kaveh's hand against his own is both unexpected and surprising enough that it gets Alhaitham to open his eyes, and he stares at their overlapping hands for a moment before he brings his gaze up to Kaveh when his senior starts to speak.]

... [Alhaitham's expression doesn't really shift at all as he listens to what Kaveh says, but something in his eyes does seem to soften ever so slightly, the tension that'd been building up in his shoulders easing away.]

It seems like you're deliberately misremembering what Haravatat focuses on, senior. [He says this as he looks down at their hands again, his own hand twitching underneath with a desire for... something. He isn't entirely sure what, just... something.] We study syntax and deconstruct them, not create new ones.

[Despite those words the humor does help a little. It feels like a reassurance to know that they're alright, despite everything. That this isn't like last time where all they could do was to fall apart like an inevitability.]

And yet, as we lack anyone from Vanhumana, you are still the most qualified person on this turtle to do it.

[Kaveh shifts his hand a bit as Alhaitham's twitches and in a moment of bravery, laces their fingers together. It's fine, right now, if Alhaitham doesn't understand everything this means, if it can provide him some comfort.]

[Alhaitham feels his chest swell up with inexplicable warmth when Kaveh goes to lace their fingers together, much in the same way they'd done the other day during the festival at Ocard. Just like back then too Kaveh's hand is warm and present against his, the slimness of his fingers only made more prominent by the way Alhaitham can feel the press of his joints, but despite all that it feels... nice. It's nice.]

Mmn. Too much work. [He closes his eyes again and this time gives their now linked hands a brief squeeze.] You can do it instead.

they're discovering emotions...........

maybe they'll discover communication one day....

they'll get there... they're getting there...

like pulling teeth from a crocodile but they're getting there

yes.... they gotta talk when its only just them and nobody else...

they need help,,,someone help them,,,,

nobody can help them but themselves........

all hands on deck he's saying words!

they're saying words!!

they're...doing their best...

they are... they'll get there.... believe in the power of love....

they're doing it...they're communicating...

they are... they are using the mouth words...

they can do it...I believe in them.

they will get there... they are getting there...

they're dumb but they're doing their best

they are bless them

they're learning...

they are...

now kith--

i also want them to kiss........

habbening

eventually...

they'll make it

yes... they will....