escordvi | closed 🪶⚡ in this world of ours, safe to be the one you are...

"Oh. Ramuh has not told you of his fate?"

...

"Both of you, loyal servants to the very end. You have my thanks, Garuda. Please give my regards to Ramuh."

[It was all a flurry after that. The Phoenix was fortunate enough that she did not tear Ultima from him then and there before the god could scurry back to hide, but as the blackened flames faded, she was in far too much shock to even think of sinking her claws into him before he vanished. She was reeling from the hundreds of questions that formed, but they were all quickly shoved back by the anger that threatened to immediately boil over. Garuda rattled at her rib cage, screaming louder than she's ever screamed, and the strength of the winds grew with every pulse of her aether.

After Joshua had lost consciousness, she flew him down on the back of a gryphon and called for Ifrit. Screamed for him in the center of the Roost. Threatened to indiscriminately drive her sword through anyone who stood around and gawked at her instead. And once Joshua had been shoved onto his brother, it was a matter of finding Cid, and she knew exactly where he would be.

It's not as if he'd be able to go far, but it didn't matter. She would fly across the world to see him right now; she would destroy anything and anyone that got in her way to get there... and not for the reasons that one might think. Not for reasons that she wishes to.

Like she is made of a storm herself, she moves through The Roost, her every footstep like thunder, the wind beating at her back as that unquelled, unfettered rage builds within, with only one place to go—out and around her.

The things that she had heard from Ultima could not possibly be true.

He was a mere god living inside the Phoenix, and a god that Benedikta certainly did not place her full faith in. What would he know about anything? What would he know of Cidolfus, and of her? ... Of Barnabas? No, he was trying to trick her, to drive a wedge between her and Cid. For what reason, she did not know. And what had he meant by eviscerating the Dominants?

No.

Why would he lie to her about this? After everything they have been through after she woke up on that ship, after all of the promises, the fights, the tears, the hurts that got them to where they are now?

And why would Barnabas do that? She was loyal to him; she gave up everything for him.

There was no way.

Yet, as she moves, as she sees his door come into view, she knows that she is landing right into Ultima's palm and feeding into those lies, but there is that seed of doubt that grows and grows, and with it, a fury she's never known. Tears that start to burn her eyes and blur the edges of her vision, her chest tightening and lungs suffocating as it finds its chokehold on her. She tries to chain it down, at least long enough to get answers, but it's a losing battle.

Once she arrives, Cid's door will fly open before she even reaches it, and her eyes are wide as they search the room for him, and she doesn't even wait to find him before she shrieks his name.]

Cidolfus!?

[He felt her before he heard her screaming throughout the roost.

Even before she arrived uneasiness had filled him, a familiar sense of dread as of something ominous was about to occur—like a storm that threatened on the horizon but one no one could be sure when it would break. It was a dread fueled not by his own intuition, but of the Eikon that stirred within him. After what happened with the bounty hunters, Ramuh had been silent again, but now as if awakened by whatever slumber it had puts itself under, Cid can feel it. The pricks and tingles like static as if trying to keep him alert.

But for what?

That he could not parse and the Eikon was frustratingly never clear, and all he could do was pace around his room before trying to do some work, try to settle the uneasiness so that he could better prepare for whatever may drop on him. Not like he can very well do much in his condition. While enough time has passed for his wounds to close and the stitches removed, the internal damage was still significant even with all the medicines and healing magic. Thus while he was allowed to move, he was still ordered to not go out much and rest as much as possible.

However, upon hearing Benedikta's screams he could only swear as he wonders what the bloody hell happened to upset her so much...and if this was why Ramuh was stirring. Had the Eikon sensed Garuda? Thoughts swirl through his mind as he feels her aether bursting at the seams as she approaches, and when she throws open the door he can only stare up at her from his desk where he was currently half sitting against, as if waiting for her.

But not knowing what was going on, he just looks at her concerned, now better able to see more clearly how she looks and the aether swirling around her. He doesn't need Ramuh for his own uneasiness to grow from that.]

All right, what happened?

[She whips her gaze around to stare at him, eyes wide, hair a mess from the wind that followed her inside, and she slams the door shut with it, the sound no doubt echoing throughout the Roost. It's a wonder that the wood did not shatter from the impact, and if people did not know that she was angry before, they certainly would now.

She stares him down for a moment, disbelief writing itself across her features, finding a way through the anger that's turned her face red.]

What happened? What happened!?

[He should know exactly what happened. Exactly the thing that could make her this upset... or perhaps he doesn't because it isn't true. He wouldn't have kept it a secret from her... Still, she can't quite bring herself to believe anything just yet.]

How can you be so calm about this!?

[How he manages to stay patient and steadfast even in the face of her clear wrath is testament to his own resolve, but that doesn't mean that uneasiness has lessened.

No, it's only worsened.

He's just good at hiding it.]

Might help if you could tell me what "this" is.

[He straightens from where he is and takes a step towards her.]

[And she takes a step back the moment he moves towards her, a shaky hand coming up as if it would create some kind of barrier between them.]

You know what "this" is.

[Is he playing dumb with her? Or does he truly not know? Was it all a lie?]

... Is it true, Cidolfus?

[He stiffens when she steps away from him, clearly guarded. And at first, he really has no idea what she's talking about, the confusion clear in his eyes...

...

Until there's a slight look of realization that strikes him like lightning, Ramuh's rumblings growing louder and louder in his mind.

She knows.

It's the only thing that makes sense and that blank look and hesitation may be all the answer she needs.]

Benedikta, I—

[How? Who told her?]

[His answer, or lack thereof, is telling, and yet...]

Is it true!?

[She repeats it again, her voice shattering when she demands it louder.

Because in spite of the way he looks at her, the realization that abruptly sets upon his expression, does little to shake that small side of her that is vehemently denying what she should know is right in front of her because why?

Why? Why? Why?]

[There's just a stretch of silence, the tension so thick a knife could cut through it. The worst case scenario has finally come to pass, and now he has to pay for it.

So after another moment, he clenches and unclenches his fist before he sighs, head sagging slightly.]

...It's true.

[She can see his hands moving, read his posture, everything, and in those few moments that it takes for him to finally answer her, she forgets how to breathe. The air is stifling with all its tension, dead silent except for the sound of her heart beating and her blood roaring, her aether buzzing... but even Garuda has gone quiet, as if she, too, is waiting for an answer.

And when it does...]

Liar!

[There's a wind that comes with her scream, blasting through the room and knocking things every which way from his desk and the shelves, and at him.]

Liars, all of you!

[Him, Ultima, anyone who might even dare to tell her otherwise...

Though deep down... deep, deep down, she thinks she already knows the truth of it.]

[The wind makes him stagger, but he somehow manages to keep his footing as he belatedly braces himself.]

Benedikta! I didn't—I was trying to tell you—!

[She feels like he's just reached into her chest and torn her heart right out of her, and after a few more moments of disbelief, her eyes frantically searching him—for what?—she turns to face to the door, away from him, and when she speaks, her voice crackles under the weight, the strength dwindling as she tries to hold back those angry tears ready to burst.]

No, you didn't.

[He didn't try. Or else he would have found a way to tell her... No, no. This isn't real.]

You would have told me right from the start if it were the truth.

[His heart weighs heavy as he tries to step towards her again, but he stops mid-step, wondering if he should or not.]

...You're right. I didn't at first, but only because I didn't know how to tell you—especially after what happened at the gallows.

But for the past few weeks, I was trying to find the right time.

[She hears him—feels him start to move, and with a hand raised with no shortage of a threat, she turns to him, ready to beat him back again if she has to. There is some, her trembling fingers already losing some control over her magic as she stares across the room at him, the man that she thought she knew overlapping with someone she doesn't know anymore.

Unrecognizable.

The man that she knew six years ago and tried so, so hard to forget and move on from.]

Because i-it's... It's not true. Tell me that it isn't, Cidolfus.

[And before he can even answer her, or think to, she shouts at him again, her voice breaking into a sob.]

Tell me!

[Because if it is, then everything else that came out of that thing was also true.]

[The guilt and the regret are crashing down in waves. How desperately he wants to go to her, hold her, tell her it's not, but...

He can't.

And for the first time in a long time the words just seize in his throat, making it hard to form anything, to even breathe.]

...It was in Drake's Head, after I destroyed the Mothercrystal.

[He looks away then.]

One of Ultima's minions, and I didn't have any aether left in me to recover.

[Everything is coming out short and clipped, worse than he had planned. This was not how he wanted to go about this as the words, once constricted like a damn, now flow out as he tries to take a step towards her.]

I was already dying, Benna, I didn't have much time left—

[About a hundred more questions flicker through her eyes then, and she doesn't even know where to begin anymore.

So all she can sputter back is—]

You did what?

[He never told her that he had actually gone through with his plan, for one, besides all the other things that he's just told her.

And, as if he needed to rub more salt on this open wound...]

And don't call me that.

[There's a slight flinch at that, but he just bears through it. He knew she would be upset, rightfully so, yet...

This feels strange.

He doesn't know what, but he feels there's something else, that nagging "intuition" of his blaring. Tears and anger, yes, throw a fit, yes, denial, certainly, but this rage? The way she retreats away from him, guards herself as if he were an enemy instead. Does she really feel so betrayed be didn't tell her sooner? It was not something be really considered, but seeing her like this cuts a bit deeper than he expected.

So he takes another step forward.]

Look, I know I should have told you sooner, but how was I supposed to bring it up? Just go up to you one day and say, "Hey, I'm dead, too?"

[The words come out sharper than intended, so he bites it back a bit as the question that has been pressing his mind bursts out.]

How did you even find out?

[Surely Clive and the others would never dare say it in passing, but an accidental slip is not so out of the question. And if thinks back, he's certain he heard her roar Clive's name. But nothing is making sense, and he's caught so off guard on the back foot that he is struggling to make heads or tails of it while trying to deal with the impossible in front of him.]

Edited 2024-04-30 08:28 (UTC)

[Her eyes flare again.

Is he dodging her questions? And for what? Then again, would hearing his answers only make things worse, if such a thing were even possible? Does she even want to know what he has to say for himself about it? It's not as if it should matter to her, all things considered. She's dead. Worse than dead. So why, hearing that, does it make her chest tighten that he had already been on his way out? That his life had been cut short by Ultima? ... And that he would go ahead and destroy the thing that would have taken away that power of hers?

Dead or not, why does that still sting? Why does any of this sting?

She searches for her words again, but every defense that she had put up is starting to crumble, and her eyes burn, her vision blurring as she tries to focus on him and stifling the sob that builds up in her chest, fighting back against the strain.

And as he takes that next step forward, she backs away until she hits the door and it's there, as she realizes that she has nowhere else to go... that it all finally breaks, and where she screams, letting that rage fly free.]

Why didn't you tell me...!

[So she did hear it from someone, but who? He wants to ask again, but she even tell him right now? And seeing her cornered—literally—pains him, but he needs her to listen. He has no idea if he can rectify this right now, but damn it all, he has to try.]

I did try, I wanted to—do you remember at the beach?

[A slow, small step.]

Before we turned into those animals?

[Slowly, she lifts her gaze to look at him, and right now, she really does feel like a cornered bird, prey that knows that her life is about to end, with no room to fly away.]

That... that was when you tried?

[Still, she'll fight for her life if she has to, and the way her eyes rest on him, she looks like she is ready to, because the man that she thought she knew just keeps fading away into the past.]

How long, Cidolfus? How long have we been—

[Together.

For fuck's sake, she can't even say it anymore, the word tasting like bile in her mouth.]

[Oh hells.]

You think I liked keeping it from you?

[For a brief moment his patience falters, but again he manages to rein it in. He knows full well he's in the wrong here, but what's worse is he feels that bridge they had so painstakingly worked to build back together fraying, practically able to smell the burning embers that threaten to torch it completely. It was a fear he had that also prevented him from saying anything sooner—a fear that he would lose her all over again if she knew.

A fear that's becoming more evident in the way he looks at her as it's clear that's what's happening right now if he doesn't do something, but what the hell can he do?]

Benedikta, I'm sorry, truly, can we please just...sit down and talk about this better? I'll tell you everything, anything you want to hear.

Sit down and talk?

[She spits it right back at him in disbelief.]

After that, you cannot possibly think you deserve that much!?

[And it hurts to say, because that small part of her wants to listen. Wants to know. Wants answers... but she can't even fathom the idea of being calm about any of this right now. Ultima's voice continues to echo in her head, and Garuda laughs, mocking her, reminding her of all the things that she should have already known all along.]

No, I don't.

[His voice weakens for a moment before he looks at her carefully.]

But you do.

And yet—

[She chokes on her own voice and how desperate it sounds as it leaves her.]

You say that, and yet... you never thought I deserved it enough to tell the truth...

[And here it comes, that anger that had simmered some in all of her denial coming to a boil once more, and she is bursting at the seams with it, trying to keep it contained long enough to say what it is she wants to say. What she needs to say, even if words are failing her right now.]

And to hear it from him, of all the people—!

[There's another burst of wind that ripples through the room, with her at its center when she screams. It rattles the door, kicks things off the desk, and shoves him back.]

[Before he can tell her he did, that didn't he say he was trying and planned to tell her?? That he wasn't going to keep it a secret forever!? But she clearly wasn't listening, too stuck on the point that he didn't at all, and that—]

Who!?

[He has to shout over the wind as he looks at her.]

Who the hell told you??

[Even if he did try to tell her again, she wouldn't believe it, still too stuck on the fact that he had hidden it from her all this time, but at his question, she simply shouts back without hesitation, the name falling out of her mouth with yet another sharp gale that cuts through the very wide space between them.]

Ultima.

[And she will just let that word hang for a moment, red, glassy eyes watching him carefully.]

⛈️ downburst » the morning of may 4th

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