Entry tags:
closed 🪶⚡ in this world of ours, safe to be the one you are...
Who: Benedikta Harman & Cidolfus Telamon.
Status: Closed.
Where: Cid's apartment, crew island.
What: Cid's birthday, some quest stuff, a bounty goes sideways, and so does a certain conversation...
Warnings: The usual CidBenna stuff. :)
Status: Closed.
Where: Cid's apartment, crew island.
What: Cid's birthday, some quest stuff, a bounty goes sideways, and so does a certain conversation...
Warnings: The usual CidBenna stuff. :)
happy birthday, mister captain 🍰
otterly ridiculous 🦦
cid the menace ⚡
downburst ⛈️
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No, you didn't.
[He didn't try. Or else he would have found a way to tell her... No, no. This isn't real.]
You would have told me right from the start if it were the truth.
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...You're right. I didn't at first, but only because I didn't know how to tell you—especially after what happened at the gallows.
But for the past few weeks, I was trying to find the right time.
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Unrecognizable.
The man that she knew six years ago and tried so, so hard to forget and move on from.]
Because i-it's... It's not true. Tell me that it isn't, Cidolfus.
[And before he can even answer her, or think to, she shouts at him again, her voice breaking into a sob.]
Tell me!
[Because if it is, then everything else that came out of that thing was also true.]
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He can't.
And for the first time in a long time the words just seize in his throat, making it hard to form anything, to even breathe.]
...It was in Drake's Head, after I destroyed the Mothercrystal.
[He looks away then.]
One of Ultima's minions, and I didn't have any aether left in me to recover.
[Everything is coming out short and clipped, worse than he had planned. This was not how he wanted to go about this as the words, once constricted like a damn, now flow out as he tries to take a step towards her.]
I was already dying, Benna, I didn't have much time left—
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So all she can sputter back is—]
You did what?
[He never told her that he had actually gone through with his plan, for one, besides all the other things that he's just told her.
And, as if he needed to rub more salt on this open wound...]
And don't call me that.
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This feels strange.
He doesn't know what, but he feels there's something else, that nagging "intuition" of his blaring. Tears and anger, yes, throw a fit, yes, denial, certainly, but this rage? The way she retreats away from him, guards herself as if he were an enemy instead. Does she really feel so betrayed be didn't tell her sooner? It was not something be really considered, but seeing her like this cuts a bit deeper than he expected.
So he takes another step forward.]
Look, I know I should have told you sooner, but how was I supposed to bring it up? Just go up to you one day and say, "Hey, I'm dead, too?"
[The words come out sharper than intended, so he bites it back a bit as the question that has been pressing his mind bursts out.]
How did you even find out?
[Surely Clive and the others would never dare say it in passing, but an accidental slip is not so out of the question. And if thinks back, he's certain he heard her roar Clive's name. But nothing is making sense, and he's caught so off guard on the back foot that he is struggling to make heads or tails of it while trying to deal with the impossible in front of him.]
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Is he dodging her questions? And for what? Then again, would hearing his answers only make things worse, if such a thing were even possible? Does she even want to know what he has to say for himself about it? It's not as if it should matter to her, all things considered. She's dead. Worse than dead. So why, hearing that, does it make her chest tighten that he had already been on his way out? That his life had been cut short by Ultima? ... And that he would go ahead and destroy the thing that would have taken away that power of hers?
Dead or not, why does that still sting? Why does any of this sting?
She searches for her words again, but every defense that she had put up is starting to crumble, and her eyes burn, her vision blurring as she tries to focus on him and stifling the sob that builds up in her chest, fighting back against the strain.
And as he takes that next step forward, she backs away until she hits the door and it's there, as she realizes that she has nowhere else to go... that it all finally breaks, and where she screams, letting that rage fly free.]
Why didn't you tell me...!
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I did try, I wanted to—do you remember at the beach?
[A slow, small step.]
Before we turned into those animals?
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That... that was when you tried?
[Still, she'll fight for her life if she has to, and the way her eyes rest on him, she looks like she is ready to, because the man that she thought she knew just keeps fading away into the past.]
How long, Cidolfus? How long have we been—
[Together.
For fuck's sake, she can't even say it anymore, the word tasting like bile in her mouth.]
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You think I liked keeping it from you?
[For a brief moment his patience falters, but again he manages to rein it in. He knows full well he's in the wrong here, but what's worse is he feels that bridge they had so painstakingly worked to build back together fraying, practically able to smell the burning embers that threaten to torch it completely. It was a fear he had that also prevented him from saying anything sooner—a fear that he would lose her all over again if she knew.
A fear that's becoming more evident in the way he looks at her as it's clear that's what's happening right now if he doesn't do something, but what the hell can he do?]
Benedikta, I'm sorry, truly, can we please just...sit down and talk about this better? I'll tell you everything, anything you want to hear.
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[She spits it right back at him in disbelief.]
After that, you cannot possibly think you deserve that much!?
[And it hurts to say, because that small part of her wants to listen. Wants to know. Wants answers... but she can't even fathom the idea of being calm about any of this right now. Ultima's voice continues to echo in her head, and Garuda laughs, mocking her, reminding her of all the things that she should have already known all along.]
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[His voice weakens for a moment before he looks at her carefully.]
But you do.
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[She chokes on her own voice and how desperate it sounds as it leaves her.]
You say that, and yet... you never thought I deserved it enough to tell the truth...
[And here it comes, that anger that had simmered some in all of her denial coming to a boil once more, and she is bursting at the seams with it, trying to keep it contained long enough to say what it is she wants to say. What she needs to say, even if words are failing her right now.]
And to hear it from him, of all the people—!
[There's another burst of wind that ripples through the room, with her at its center when she screams. It rattles the door, kicks things off the desk, and shoves him back.]
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Who!?
[He has to shout over the wind as he looks at her.]
Who the hell told you??
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Ultima.
[And she will just let that word hang for a moment, red, glassy eyes watching him carefully.]
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[His eyes shoot wide at that, because he had not even had the faintest idea he could even communicate—]
Then—what happened to Joshua?
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She tells him all of this and that is the thing that he chooses to latch onto? Not about what it is exactly that he had told her, or why, but what happened to Joshua? It's irrational, she knows, but those tears threaten to erupt in her eyes, and they line the edges of them even as she tries to blink them away.
But there's something else that grabs her attention first—]
How did you know it was the Phoenix?
[She doesn't recall telling him that it was Joshua who had been taken over.]
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...
They never told her.
Back when Joshua first revealed he was harboring Ultima's shadow, they all agreed that Barnabas was to never know lest it would put the young Dominant's life at risk. And unfortunately, that included Benedikta since she was allied with Barnabas at the time. It was a reasonable and very likely assumption that she would be quick to try and take Joshua to Barnabas, regardless if her reasons for staying with the bastard were the same as before or not. The point was she was with him.
But after Barnabas left, that was no longer an issue. However this is where time becomes the enemy, because while they never forgot about Ultima, they also didn't constantly think about it. It was sleeping, dormant, and once Benedikta finally joined him came to his side...
He honestly forgot that she had no idea. Perhaps he even was under the false assumption she knew or had been told. It was one of those strange phenomenon where because everyone else knew about it, one assumes others know as well. Not to mention, talking about Ultima or the like was never pleasant for them, and there had never been cause to bring up the topic.
Which is what leads them to where they are today, Cid quietly swearing under his breath.]
Fuck, I forgot—you didn't know.
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You knew...
[She grits her teeth so hard that she feels like she might crush her jaw.]
All this time you knew, and you kept it all from me.
[About him, about Ultima, about Barnabas... About her.
Of course, that's the only logical conclusion she could come to. When she finds out all at once how much he has kept from her, even after all the promises that they have made to try and close that rift, to mend that bridge between them, he kept his secrets. She opened herself up, she trusted him...
"I told you."
Her voice echoes in her head, taunting.
"Liars. All of them liars. None of them trust you, and so they lied. They used you."
The laughter rings loud, and with a pained cry, she lifts her hands to her ears to try and block the Eikon out, and when she screams again, it's near hysterical.]
Who else knows!?
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Just like before.
He tries to move closer to her, but he can't, the winds repelling him as if determined to keep him back. Were he in better condition he'd be better able to withstand it, but as it is a particular stroke of wind hits his chest, and bites back the pain with a sharp breath as an arm clutches over his chest, staggering.
But he persist.
Dammit, he must—]
Benedikta, we didn't have a choice back then, you were with Barnabas! And then I just forgot—!
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Or rather, the lack of one.]
Answer my question! Who else knows? Who is "we", Cidolfus, because as far as I am concerned, there is only you and me.
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About Ultima in Joshua? Just us, the group—Clive, Jill, Dion. I don't know about Mid, but she likely does.
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So, everyone but me.
[Of course it was everyone but her. Why would any one of them trust her, including him? It's just as Garuda continues to tell her...]
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Yes, we deliberately kept it from you in the beginning—you and Barnabas. But things changed and it's different now. It just had been long enough...
[His gaze lowers a bit.]
Things...became more natural that it felt as if you were already there, and I forget there are things you weren't aware of.
[Of course he knows that's not an excuse, that he's still at fault. How hard had he tried to warn her about Ultima before? How hard did he try to protect her only for it to fall through? Granted, there were further complications on whether Joshua himself would have wanted more people knowing, but it's something he should have at least discussed, especially when he witnessed Joshua's condition firsthand. He was so focused on the problem right in front of him, he completely missed the others that lingered around it.
To have it slip his mind so completely...]
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Yes, you conveniently forgot, did you?
[Benedikta slams her fist against the door, and she can feel a bruise already forming from the impact.]
You conveniently forgot, and then proceeded to lie to me about everything else. And I was stupid enough to trust you. To place my faith in you... and in him!
[When she gave up everything because she was loyal. Because he could give her what she thought she wanted when in reality, the thing that she wanted most had turned his back on her.]
And what do I get back in return for it!?
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