escordvi | log 🌻 in the absence of sunshine

Entry tags:

darin altway,
zelda

log 🌻 in the absence of sunshine

Who: Zelda and Darin
Status: Closed
Where: Zelda's apartment on Eltrut
What: (Backdated to August 15) The aftermath of their fight with Ganondorf the previous night.
Warnings: Major injury, probably some PTSD, and other such warnings that come with hurt/comfort threads (edit: now with themes of self sacrifice, self loathing, and some surprise UST 🌶️)

[ These past twenty-four hours have been the longest, slowest hours Zelda has had to wait through in a very long time. After her century sealing Calamity Ganon, the princess has developed patience in spades-- in stark contrast to how she was before the Calamity. But now, that patience seems to have evaporated and she feels just like that girl she once was, standing impatiently for hours in the Goddess's springs straining to hear Her voice. Time passes with agonizing slowness, and each hour that Darin does not wake feels somehow slower than the last.

Zelda has seen firsthand how quickly his injuries heal, no matter how severe. When she rescued him from the ocean after his fight with Garuda, it took less than an hour for his broken bones to heal. So although the severity of the injuries he sustained from their fight with Ganondorf were deeply upsetting to Zelda, she expected him to heal through the worst of them before the following dawn.

But that wasn't the case. When dawn came, not only did his injuries barely look any better, but he hadn't hadn't regained consciousness. Dawn turned to day to afternoon to dusk and to night again and still Darin did not wake.

Throughout those long, long hours, there was nothing Zelda could do but wait. Wait and try to treat his wounds as she would anyone else's. She cleaned and bandaged his injuries as best she could, and at least that helped set her mind slightly at ease. She didn't know why this was taking so long, but she could care for him through that time. Goddess knows she had done so for Link countless times in the past.

But first aid only went as far as normal wounds. It was all but useless for treating Gloom burns. Usually, the cure for Gloom sickness was sunlight; Gloom faded away in the light and a person's vitality returned over time. Zelda had never seen Gloom burns before she and Link found the corpse of the Demon King below Hyrule Castle. She had an idea how to treat them-- a poultice made of sundelions might work like a concentrated salve of sunlight. But there are no sundelions in this world and the process for trying to fish for them through the rift was tricky and time consuming. And even if it wasn't, Zelda couldn't risk leaving Darin alone. If something happened... If she wasn't here...

These are the thoughts that have gone round and round in her mind all day, interspersed among memories of that fight with Ganondorf. Everything he said. Everything he did. How even the combined efforts of Darin, Ranma, and Zelda were barely enough to injure him at all. She couldn't get these thoughts out of her head.

Now it's nighttime again. Zelda has barely eaten and she has staunchly avoided sleep-- not just because Darin is on her bed, but because if something were to happen and she was not here beside him.... Well, she wasn't willing to risk that. But after twenty four sleepless hours, even anxiety isn't strong enough to keep her awake. The princess finally nods off sometime in the middle of the night, sitting in her chair at the bedside and leaning against the edge of the bed, her head against his shoulder so that, if he shifts, the movement will wake her. ]

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[ "Who cares?"

"Who cares?"

For a moment, Zelda is so stunned that she forgets she's trying to keep Darin from aggravating that wound. She can only stare at him, frozen in place, listening as he pours out all this anger and guilt and self destruction. She knows he's like this, that he has no fear of sacrificing his life to save others because he does not see any value in himself. He almost did this same things months ago, against the ghost that took the form of his brother.

But remembering that from months ago is nothing compared to hearing it right now, in this moment, in a voice dripping with vitriol, after twenty four frought hours of worrying that he would never wake. It's like a block of ice dropping in her stomach. She feels like she's going to be sick. Twenty four hours caring for him and worrying over him and praying that he would pull through on his own because there was nothing else Zelda could do for him. And the minute he wakes, he yells at her that she should have left him to die, that his sacrifice would rid the world not only of the threat of Ganondorf, but of the threat of Darin as well.

Zelda begins to tremble-- not with fear, not with sadness, but with anger. After everything that's happened between them, after promising just two weeks ago that he would not leave her again, he lambastes her for saving him. 'Who cares?' he says.

'Who cares?' ]

How... how dare you... [ Her voice is barely above a whisper, shaking as she tries to hold back her building fury.

Tries and fails. Zelda's voice rises as she speaks, anger sparking in her tone. ] How dare you try to throw your life away? And-- and how dare you try to lie and claim that you would have survived? You wouldn't! You were going to die there and you know that!

Well, excuuuuuuuse me, Princess! I wasn't aware that your goddess given powers granted you the power of clairvoyance too!

[He staggers a step away from her so that he can properly face her, on his own two (wobbling) feet. Somewhere, deep in his heart, he knows he should apologize. He doesn't know how long he's been out but he can tell from the way Zelda carries herself, the hitch in her voice...she was probably worried sick about him. And he should be thankful for that.]

[But all he can think of right now are his own failures. His own self-absorbed loathing for himself and that, once again, he just wasn't enough.]

[The only way he'll ever be enough is if he lets go. If he gets angry.]

And I wasn't lying! You damn well know I hate that! But what matters—what's supposed to matter are the people who couldn't save themselves! The ones that Ganondorf still has! Didn't they teach you that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few in Princess school or something?!

[ Zelda flinches as he steps away from her, holding back the urge to step forward and support him. She can feel her anger boiling inside her, but right there beside it is all her worry and care for him. He shouldn't be up and out of bed like this; he's going to hurt himself and reopen his wounds and just because he doesn't care about that doesn't mean that Zelda doesn't. ]

Of course I know that! I have spent the last five years weighing my every decision for Hyrule on that scale! I knew exactly what I was doing when I made the decision to save you and Ranma over Ganondorf's prisoners-- saving two people who were still alive instead of throwing their lives away for others that may have already been lost.

[ She shakes her head roughly. ]

And even if I had known for certain that they were alive, I would have chosen you anyway! Don't you dare try to reprimand me for caring about you!

[Why? Why? Why the hell was he so important?!]

[He reaches up and clutches at his own head, Gloom burns causing his biceps to ache as if they were rotting. It feels like there's something inside of him telling him that she's wrong but he's too worked up to rationalize the cognitive dissonance.]

Why??

[He finally hisses the question out.]

I don't get it! All I do is cause problems for you! From the start we've butted heads! I've pushed you away! You keep coming back! I could have done something good for you and this damn world and you wouldn't let me! Why?! Is it because I'm not this Link guy?!

[He remembers how she spoke about this fabled 'Link' who saved her. Who stopped the Calamity and freed her from her seal. He barely knows anything about him but he's grasping for straws. Something to fuel his anger, to justify being wrong and so she can let him go.]

[Even if that's not what he wants.]

What the hell can I offer you other than what I tried to do?!

Am I not good enough?!

[ She flinches again, this time at the mention of Link's name, but still she holds her ground. Immediately, she flashes back to the Calamity, to Link, ragged and bloody, still trying to stand between Zelda and the Guardians. He was bound and determined to spend his last breath protecting her and Zelda couldn't bear the possibility. She couldn't bear for Link to die for her, just as everyone else had died for her. Her father, her Champions, her people. She couldn't lose Link too.

It's like that same scene played out in front of her last night too. Only this time, it wasn't Link trying to throw his life away from her, but Darin. And Zelda knew, just like she knew during the Calamity, that if she didn't do something, he would die.

So she did. ]

"Good enough?" Do you truly believe that you are only "good enough" to die?

[ Zelda isn't normally the kind of person who answers anger with anger, but she can't seem to calm herself. The harder Darin fights against her, the hotter her blood boils. ]

Do not stand there and offer me your death, because I will not accept it. You promised you would not leave me alone!

[Darin forces a laugh. Of course she'd bring up the promise he made. And the problem is, she's right. But something about the way she carries herself in that moment— that regal air with which he denies his sacrifice stokes that fire right back up into an blazing inferno.]

[He never would have thought Zelda to have a commanding presence but she is proving him wrong in spades in this moment.]

[So, he offers a sweeping, mocking bow. One that draws a growl of pain as another portion of the wound on his torso reopens.]

That's a shame Your Highness, because that's the best thing I can offer you. But of course it wouldn't be enough either. But don't stand there and act like you wouldn't be fine without me! Please, someone like you? You can make friends with anyone. Hell, you made friends with me! I'd serve a purpose and you'd get to enjoy your time here without the shadow of that bastard looming over you!

The hell did you expect me to do, anyway?? He tried to kill you! You were terrified! What, am I supposed to just stand down and hope that your hero shows up and saves the godsdamned day?!

I'M TIRED OF WATCHING PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT GET HURT TOO, ZELDA!

Edited 2024-09-01 00:49 (UTC)

[ Zelda clenches her hands into fists, digging her nails into her palms to keep herself in her place as she watches him tear open his own wounds just to spite her.

How dare he say these things? How dare he act like he can be so easily replaced? How dare he make assumptions about her? He presumes to know what she wants? What would be good enough for her?

And why, why, does he keep bringing up Link?

...

All right. If he's going to treat her like a princess, then fine. She can behave like a princess.

Drawing herself up to her full height, Zelda fixes him with a sharp glare. Although she's visibly shaking, she displays not a hint of fear. ]

Darin Altway, sit down.

[ Her tone is low and measured, drawing on every ounce of authority she can muster. Zelda has been angry with Darin before, but she has never tried to command him like this. She has never looked on him with such fury burning behind her green eyes.

She forces herself to hold back everything she wants to say, demanding with her eyes, her stature, that he obey her first. ]

[That makes his eyebrow arch and the mocking grin fades from his face. He's only known Zelda for a few months but he's never seen her take such a commanding stance. She's always been kind, cordial, and sweet. Practically a flower blooming on a battlefield. Not to say she was weak by any means. After all, she'd managed to temper Darin more often than he'd care to admit.]

[He straightens up, wincing, and he starts to move towards her bed.]

[But then he stops, turning back towards her, her bloodstained bed behind him. He couldn't place it, but there was something about seeing Zelda like this that set his own heart aflame. His was strong and passionate. She wasn't bound by decorum or appearances. This was honest anger and hadn't they promised to be honest with one another?]

[And so he grins and throws his arms out wide.]

The Demon King didn't make me kneel, Princess.

So why don't you make me?

[ Zelda does not smile. Her eyes narrow. This is not what she wants to do. She hates trying to command him like this, as though he were her servant. No, she isn't treating him like a servant-- Zelda would never be this cold to anyone in her service.

She feels like she's treating him like her enemy.

But what choice does she have? He fights her as though she were his enemy. Reminding him that she is his friend hasn't been working. He refuses to listen to her. He spits her care back at her as though it were venom. ]

Very well.

[ Zelda reaches inward towards her sealing power. The effort makes her heart throb in pain. She pushed herself to her limits last night and she hasn't rested since. She has nothing left to give.

But she has been here before. She knows this pain. Years she spent with this pain, scraping the last dregs of her power to hold back Calamity Ganon just a little bit longer. She just had to last until Link awoke. She could make it that long. She had to.

So although it hurts, Zelda barely shows little more than a pained wince. Her secret stone glows under her shirt as she draws out her power and manifests it into those same golden cords she used to bind Ganondorf last night. With a flick of her hand, she tosses them at Darin, the cords wrapping around his wrists and ankles like glowing bracelets.

Then, she curls her fingers back into her palm and pulls. The bindings respond to her call, pushing Darin down and forcing him to his knees. ]

[At full strength Darin might have had a chance at resisting the light cords. He would have thrashed and probably broken several things in Zelda's apartment (that he would later fix in apology). But as weak as he is, he struggles meekly before snapping down to his knees, a grunt and hiss of pain spitting from his mouth as he twists his body.]

[Panting, he looks up at Zelda from behind his bangs, sweat still trickling down his face.]

[And he just grins that stupid grin of his again.]

S...See? You don't need me...

You're stronger than Ganondorf, Zelda. You made me do what he couldn't.

[ Zelda clenches her jaw, forcing herself not to react to the pain she is inflicting on Darin. It makes her sick, the sight of her divine power shackling him and bending him to her will. This is not how her sealing power should be used. This is how Ganondorf would use it, and that thought alone is nearly enough to make her free him.

Her nails dig deeper into her palms, hard enough to puncture skin. The pain pulls her back just enough. ]

You still don't understand, do you? [ The resignation in her voice is heavy. ] After all this time, you still can't see it.

[ Zelda hangs her head, finally allowing a sliver of emotion to show through on her face. Disappointment. ]

I thought, after that day at the forge, that you finally understood. That you finally accepted the fact that I genuinely care for you... for all of you. [ A pointed glare, brief and fleeting. ] I thought, finally, that was the end of this- this- [ She gestures at him in frustration as she searches for the right word. ] --I don't know, this way you fight me tooth and nail, as if you hate me.

[ She sighs in frustration. ] That day, you asked me what I want. I told you, but it seems as though you have forgotten, so allow me to remind you:

[ Zelda briefly turns and walks away to fetch something from the end table beside her bed. Then she returns to him, waking her shellphone from its sleep and tossing it on the floor in front of him. There is a familiar picture on its screen. ]

I want this.

And I cannot have it without you.

[Darin's head slumps forward as his eyes falls to the floor— to the shellphone in front of him but he doesn't need to look at it to know what she's showing him. It's the photo— their photo. A moment in time where neither of them had any care or worry and gods what he wouldn't do to have that moment back.]

[His arms are slumped at his sides. All of the fight has left him because somehow, that disappointed look Zelda gave him was truly the worst look he's ever seen. It's a look that shunts him back years. A look from people who looked down on him, disappointed that he'd survived.]

[That he was wrong every respect of the word. His thinking. His mannerisms.]

[His life. His existence.]

I do understand...

[The rage has left his voice, replaced by agony— raw and unfiltered. It's hardly more than a pained whisper, a pain both physical and emotional.]

You think I don't want this...? Zelda, the time I've spent with you has been...

...I wake up every morning and I think to myself "I can't wait to see Zelda today."

That even if it's cloudy and grey my day's gonna be filled with Sunshine.

And Ganondorf [He practically spits the name.] almost stole that from me. Stole you from me. Every word he uttered cut into you and the look in your eyes...

Zelda...he stole the sun. And I wanted to tear heaven down to get it back...

[He swallows the lump in his throat but his voice is choking up.]

And when he was bearing down on you, it's like I was a child again. It was like the night I lost my father and my brother. The night I ran and survived where Dromas didn't. He threw himself in the way. He took the strike that should have killed me...

[His voice cracks and he grits his teeth to tamper down the raw emotion.]

I didn't want to lose someone else either, Zelda...my inaction, my cowardice gets everyone I care about killed...!

I didn't—!

[His words catch in his throat and he lowers his head again as he shakes his.]

...Nevermind. You're right.

...I'm sorry.

[ She sees how the anger has left him and dismisses the shackles with a wave of her hand. (She never wants to see those awful things again.)

As Darin speaks, Zelda slowly sinks to her knees in front of him. All the harshness melts out of her form and her expression softens into sympathy. It hurts to hear this pain in his voice, but it's proof, along with his words, that he does understand.

The feelings he shares, it's almost uncanny how similar they are to hers. She knows that same joy, that excitement when she wakes and knows they will get to spend the day together. She knows that anger, that terror when she almost lost him to Ganondorf. And she knows that fear, that nightmarish memory of the way everyone she loved died because of her failure.

The raw emotion in his voice tugs at her heart, and Zelda finds herself suddenly reaching out to cup his cheek, to remind him with the warmth of her touch that he didn't lose her.

And then something... shifts. His emotions, his honesty, it's as though he suddenly pulls them all back and tucks them away somewhere she can't reach. A wall goes up, and all he leaves behind an empty capitulation.

Worry forms in her brow and she tilts her head to try to see his face. ]

You didn't what? [ Zelda prods gently, trying to coax him back from wherever he has withdrawn to. ]

[He's exhausted. The Gloom is still working its way through his system and sweat is pouring down his face. For a moment, he averts his gaze...but slowly, his green eyes meet hers and he's lost all over again.]

[She'll find the hand cupping his cheek is warm and wet, but not from sweat. It's pain. He's lost so many people and he blames himself for every. Single. One. He couldn't lose her too. He'd rather cast himself into the abyss knowing she would be safe without him.]

[When he speaks, his voice is broken. It's sharp like broken glass.]

I didn't want to lose you. I lost my brother because I ran. Acteon gave himself up to free me from being imprisoned. I didn't want to lose the first friend I ever had to some monster.

B-But...But you don't know what it's like, Zelda. You think I don't want this? Gods, Zelda how could I not...?

But my entire life I've been told I was wrong. Do you think it's easy to accept that someone might finally think I'm right?

I'm sorry...okay?

I'm sorry for fighting you. For...being me.

But how could you understand...? I'm sure everyone in Hyrule loves you. Who wouldn't?? You're kind and compassionate, beautiful and thoughtful...

I'm...broken. I don't know how to be loved. You tell me that you want me and it just seems...wrong somehow. It doesn't make sense.

[He shakes his head. He doesn't have the energy for anything else. Everything just hurts and gods above he'd say anything to just make it right, right now. Zelda's hurt enough. He doesn't want to be the source of it. He doesn't want to see that disappointment in her eyes anymore.]

[He'll be wrong if it means making things right.]

[ It feels as if her heart is being squeezed in her chest as she listens to him. This pain, this sadness, it goes all the way to the very core of his being. It's not that he's broken, it's that he's... well, he's backwards... in the way a Guardian is backwards when it walks left despite being programmed to walk right. It's as if he's been wired incorrectly-- or rewired, perhaps, after the attack that claimed the lives of his brother and father. ]

I am sorry. I do not mean for my care to cause you such strife. [ Zelda rubs her thumb against his cheek, wiping away what feels like might be tears. ] But I do not believe that you are broken.

[ A momentary pause as she considers her words. ] I will not claim to have suffered as much as you have in your life, but I do, to some extent, understand how you feel.

Before the Calamity, while I was still trying to awaken my sealing power, there were many in Hyrule who condemned me as a failure. "Heir to a throne of nothing," my father said they called me. No matter how I trained, I could not fulfill my duty as Princess of Hyrule, and inevitably, my failure cost my people their lives.

When I woke after a century sealed away, I was sick with fear at the thought of meeting the survivors of my kingdom. I was certain they would hate me, as their ancestors had-- and rightfully so, I thought. It was because of me that Hyrule fell to ruin. I thought to renounce my claim to the throne in penance.

It took me a long time to believe them when they said they wanted me to remain their princess.

[ She shifts her hand, beckoning Darin to look up at her and meet her gaze. ] I will continue to remind you that I want you for as long as it takes until you believe me.

Edited 2024-09-01 05:56 (UTC)

[Darin's heart twists and sinks as he hears Zelda's tale. He'd really assumed so much about Zelda...that she was this perfect princess. That his biases and experiences with nobility have colored every experience he's had with her.]

[But that doesn't change the fact that he's pushed away someone who might stand the best chance at understanding his pain.]

[He leans into her touch and brings his own calloused hand up to hers, pressing her hand into his cheek. And when he looks at her, there's a hint of hope mixed with fear.]

Yeah...? Will you remind me every day...? Won't that get annoying...?

[ Zelda can feel the change in Darin before he even speaks. As his hand covers hers, she lets out a soft sigh of relief, a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

She lightly shakes her head, a little smile blooming on her lips. ] Not at all.

[ Zelda leans forward, softly touching her forehead to his. ] I will remind you every day, every hour, if that is what it takes.

[Darin gives a week little laugh as a little color dusts his cheeks.]

Heh...I'm going to hold you to that...

My stubborn Sunshine...

[He reaches out with his other hand and reels her in, keeping their foreheads touching.]

...Are you alright...? I should have asked...I'm...I'm sorry...

[ Her eyes fall closed as he pulls her in she laughs lightly in turn. His stubborn Sunshine... She has to be, doesn't she? How else is she supposed to get through to him? Her stubborn blacksmith... ]

It's all right. [ She assures him quietly. ] I am all right- [ She starts, then clarifies ] -Uninjured, at least. You protected me until the last.

But I am very tired. I used far too much of my power last night and it will take quite some time to recover it.

[Darin simply nods. He's still so emotionally raw. His eyes might be closed but Zelda's presence is a balm— his body feels heavy and his spirit feels sluggish but with her proximity he feels his churning, surging emotions begin to quiet.]

[He wants to apologize more. As if being told 'it's alright' meant that it was anything but. But pressing the matter was fruitless now. He'd find some way to make it up to her; to make it right when his mind was clearer.]

Mm...me too. Everything hurts...I've never felt like this before...

[He exhales slowly, his mind wandering.]

Thank you for...for saving me, Zelda. I'm sorry that I couldn't stop him for you...

Hush. We did what we could. [ She scolds him gently, intentional in her use of "we." He is not solely responsible for defeating Ganondorf; they will face him together. ] Later, we will reassess the situation and plan our next course of action.

But right now, you are my priority. Your injuries are not healing as quickly as they normally do and you have been burning with with fever for almost an entire day. I've tried to treat you as best I could, but I fear you've reopened some of your wounds.

Would you please return to bed so that I can change the dressings? [ She rubs her thumb over his cheek again, in hopes that her gentleness will coax him to obey. ]

[He nods, leaning into her touch again. Gods above he never thought he could enjoy something like this. The feel of her hand on his cheek is nothing like he's ever felt before and he reaches up to keep her hand there for a moment longer. If only he knew how to ask for something like this...]

[It's reluctant, but at least he manages to pull away from her enough so that he can start to push himself to his feet. His breathing is labored and his limbs are weak. Was this what it felt like to be sick? What an absolutely horrible feeling. For once, he's glad for his unnatural resilience.]

[But then he notices the bed. Her bed. And how it's drenched in sweat and blood and his heart sinks once more. What did he put her through? How could he do that to her? Reflexively, he opens his mouth.]

Gods, your bed. I'm...I'm s—...

[He stops himself. No, apologizing wouldn't change anything and Zelda would likely chide him for even saying so.]

...I'll replace it. The sheets. Anything I ruined...

[He slumps down on the edge of the bed and attempts to straighten up. Blood has begun to seep through the bandages around his body in a few spots and he takes a moment to look over himself.]

...Gods...[Zelda was right. He was going to kill himself against Ganondorf.]

[ Zelda shifts her hand to his arm as he stands, ready to try to support him if he falters, but he thankfully makes it to the bed without issue.

Ah, that's right. Her bedding is completely ruined. Zelda hadn't spared it a single thought ever since she had Ranma help her carry Darin into her apartment and lay him on her bed the previous night. After all, it's just a bed. Bedsheets and mattresses can be replaced; Darin's life cannot. ]

Nevermind that now. We can worry about it later.

[ She intentionally stops herself from telling him that it's all right and he doesn't need to worry it. He'll argue if she does and she really doesn't need that right now.

Zelda briefly steps away to collect a fresh blanket. It's a worn, ratty old thing, something that has been left behind by the apartment's previous tenant. She unfolds it and spreads it over the bed. It's not much, but better than having Darin lay down in bloody sheets. ]

All right, lay back.

[Darin nods dutifully and reclines back onto the bed. He tears his eyes away from his broken and battered frame to watch Zelda as she prepares to change his bandages.]

[He finds himself staring at her. He has no idea how long he was out for but it had to have been at least a day. It was still dark and everything felt hazy and weirdly dream-like. Like when you lose time to a terrible cold and feel generally disoriented.]

[How long had Zelda been holding a vigil over him? She looked terrible. Had she eaten? Slept? Did she really put herself through all of that for him?]

[And, what's more, to do this on the heels of facing down Ganondorf. Gods above she was so much stronger than he initially thought she'd be. No wonder he was willing to die for her. Who wouldn't? And maybe it's that notion that upsets her so fiercely. How many people had died for her?]

[Ganondorf's words during the fight burn in his mind as he begins to recall the details of the battle. He'd said something— something that seemingly broke Zelda and, in turn, caused his own emotions to flare white-hot.]

[He continues to watch Zelda for any signs, any indication of her thoughts in her green eyes as she works to change his bandages.]

[When she does, she'll find that the garish wound on his chest has opened up in several spots but has already begun to close itself again. It's as if Darin's stamina is working doubly as hard to keep his body together. But most concerning are the Gloom burns around the edges of the wound. They spread from the wound itself as if the cut itself had been cauterized by the Gloom itself. To anyone else, it would probably look infected or even necrotic. He's healing for sure...but this isn't something he'll recover from in a day. And there's no doubt that he'll have a scar. One to match the one splitting his back.]

...Mn. Definitely seen better days, haven't I..?

[He attempts to make a joke even though he knows Zelda won't find this a laughing matter.]

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