escordvi | closed ⚡🪶 and forevermore, i'll be chasing the storm we had.

[Longing is right, because when he steps away, that same pining is clear in the sunlight, Benedikta chasing after him a step before she falls back. Her fingers fidget with the parchment, wrinkling and smoothing and wrinkling and smoothing it out again as she stands there in the middle of his kitchen watching him.

Her eyes move back down to the sketch for the hundredth time since she's picked it up, and she stares at it in all its messy lined glory. He may not be an artist when it comes to drawing people, but that isn't what's important. What's important is the meaning behind it... and that it is still so very much him that she can't help it.]

... I will treasure this, Cidolfus.

[It's said so quietly that she wonders if she's said it out loud at all.]

[It may have been quiet, but still loud enough for him to catch, made evident by the brief pause in his movements as he quietly smiles to himself. That drawing once only reminded him of heartache, but now...

He's glad it could serve a different purpose and meaning.]

I can draw one of myself if you'd like.

[They may just have to accept that they will never escape that heartache, but at least with this, it could serve as a reminder of where they had been... a token to look back on when she feels afraid, or when things get rocky again. A token of the love that he had for her, even back then.

But she snorts quietly as she sets it carefully aside on the counter and wanders over to him to help with the breakfast, taking her mug of coffee once it's filled to the table.]

Is that not a bit vain?

Well, you were the one who seemed to imply I should have reminders of you... So why not let you have a few reminders of myself?

[And plating up!

He also may be deliberately trying to move them away from sad feelings.]

[She chuckles under her breath, coming back to grab one of the plates from him to set it on the table.]

Oh, I believe you've given me plenty.

[A hand instinctively goes to her neck, grazing lightly over the marks he'd left on her the night before.

But she doesn't just mean that, if the way her fingers move over the pendant that sits against her chest, the metal chain jingling softly.]

[His eyes follow, lingering, but he smiles as he follows after with his own plate and sitting down.]

Never hurts to have more. ...Although.

[He picks up his mug as he looks at her, eyes gleaming with a smirk.]

If I recall, you were quite taken with my portrait back in the day.

[She had already sat down and been in the middle of her first sip of coffee when he says that, and the drink nearly goes up her nose with how suddenly she chokes on it.

Just...give her a moment...before she's able to speak again in a strained voice.]

That was one time.

[No, it wasn't. It was the one time he had caught her openly and accidentally admiring the portrait.]

[The smirk just deepens as he looks like a fox who caught his canary.]

I don't believe you.

[She remembers that day well. How could she forget? She had been what, sixteen? Admiring the portrait of the current Lord Commander hung within the walls of Stonhyrr when he strolled on up. And of course, the first and only thing she thought to do was to bolt. If she had any control of her wings, she would have flown right out a window if she could have just to avoid him...]

Believe whatever you like.

[She huffs, setting down her cup firmly on the table and biting into the sausage.]

I was simply admiring the handiwork.

You certainly seemed to like going down that particular hall.

[Loud coffee sip.]

[She's going to choke on the sausage now at this rate. It's a good thing she finished that bite before he got around to that.]

What, were you following me?

[Benna, the hallway was on the way to his room. Of course he would be down there—]

You do remember where that portrait was hung, don't you?

[Just a teasing smirk as he pours some syrup onto his pancakes. The whip cream is also there for hers.]

Honestly you were quite cute with how wide-eyed you were...

[And then as if he had a realization, he points his fork at her.]

Did you have a crush on me since even back then?

[Well she would start garnishing her pancakes and eating them if she knew she was safe!!! As it stands, the food is proving to be a hazard in his presence, because she almost spits out her coffee at that. All she wanted to do was wash that sausage down!

And now look at her, all red in the face with some coffee dribbling across her lips over her pile of pancakes while she huffs.]

If by crush, you mean looked up to... How could I not...?

[Except there is no hiding the way she avoids his gaze.]

[Oh he is definitely enjoying this, watching her squirm and trying to hide. There's that shine in his eyes, that smirk even as he chews. Yep, he has definitely turned strange if he's finding a lot of joy seeing her so flustered. But maybe it's because of what those actions mean, and the thought of her having feelings for him from even so long ago is both touching and a little bittersweet. How long has she held those feelings...]

What did you like?

[And yet he will continue to be merciless, even playfully nudging her foot with his from under the table as if poking her.]

[She is going to smack that smirk right off his face with a sausage!!! He will be the death of her in this world, and all because of that awful twinkle in his eyes that draws her right back in.

But the worst part is that she will not give him the satisfaction of knowing he broke her. Wore her down until all that was left was her in all her vulnerabilities. Vulnerabilities that she protects by spraying on the whipped cream, allowing the awful squirting noise of the bottle to fill the silence while she nudges his foot back, her own a little less playful and more a get away.]

You are feeling rather arrogant this morning, aren't you?

[Is it because of what transpired last night and this morning?

But again. No satisfaction. With a defiant tip up of her chin and a very pointed huff, she goes on.]

I was just a girl, but I wasn't blind, Cidolfus.

Edited 2024-02-03 16:55 (UTC)

[Yet her defiance just continues to feed into it, so really he's also getting satisfaction that way. Since he is deliberately riling her up—]

So just my good looks, hm?

At first... yes.

[She hadn't known him well enough. Didn't even trust him.

She stabs her knife into her pancakes and starts to cut them, but her motions slow, her expression shifts, and she furrows her brow, adding on quietly.]

... You were the first person who had shown me any kindness.

[Just going to shove a huge mouthful of pancakes in.]

[Hmmmmm?

He watches her at that, mulling over her words. Given how he found her...

There will be another little nudge of his foot against hers, this time a little gentler and more affectionate even as he continues.]

But not the last. I recall seeing all those young bloods quick to vie for your attention. Surely you would have preferred one of them compared to an "old man."

[All right, he was in his thirties at the time and far from "old" compared to now but it's always different for those younger.]

[She rolls her eyes, but her foot taps and runs gently along his leg as these memories take her back.]

Maybe it was because they were vying for my attention that I didn't care.

[Really, she could tell that they were trying so desperately hard to have her look their way. She was the new girl and one of the only girls among the soldiers, and they fought constantly for even just a glance.]

But I only ever had eyes for one... [She snorts quietly to herself.] I'm not even sure when it changed, to be honest.

[A question that could be asked for himself... As well as other changes that happened, but this is sweet breakfast time not bitter sad time, so sticking with the better thoughts.]

Feelings are funny like that. They usually exist for a while before you even realize it.

[She idly pokes at another piece of her pancake before eating it.]

It really was admiration at first. I'd wanted your approval on just about everything I did.

[If the way that she ran to him every time she learned something new to show him was any indication of that. She'd wanted her Lord Commander to notice her, and tell her she'd done a good job.]

And then I suppose, at some point, it turned into wanting something more... A stupid girl I was back then.

[And that he did. Granted, she was a bit obvious about it, but that's what made it all the more cute and charming at the time.]

I wouldn't say that.

[Another nudge of his foot.]

I just have that irresistible charm, it's no wonder you fell for it.

[He's teasing, trying to lighten things a bit.]

Edited 2024-02-04 00:38 (UTC)

Mm. No wonder...

[It's not as if she feels the mood has dampened, but she does bring her eyes up to his when she feels that nudge of his foot.]

And you?

[She waves her fork at him.]

You can't get away from answering either.

[He had been expecting it so he just grins, not afraid to answer unlike a certain little bird.]

Hmm... When was it.

[He pretends to be thinking very hard.]

Well you were always quite charming and there were times when I thought you were cute in how hard you worked to clearly impress me.

[A smirk.]

Not to mention you were quite pretty.

[Obvious, though.]

But I suppose...

[And then a softer, somewhat sad smile.]

It was when you cried that one night that I felt the change.

[Just when she thought her face couldn't get any redder... he somehow finds a way, and she distracts herself by chewing on more sausage, glad to have that much at least. Though, even that is proving difficult with him. She had never thought to ask before because she wasn't sure if she ever wanted to know... always afraid that she wouldn't like the answer that he had.

So, when he gives that one, her breath catches, and it's a blessing that she's finished that bite before it did, or else it might have sent her into another coughing fit.

She knows exactly which day he is talking about, and it's been a long, long time since she's thought about it.]

... That was when, hm?

[There's something of an amused, if sad, smile that passes over her expression, and a breath of laughter to match, breaking that pause.]

I wonder if that was it for me, too. I'm not sure I've ever had anyone hold me so tight as you had...

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