Entry tags:
- -event,
- -tdm,
- aether,
- alucard emery,
- ashelia b'nargin dalmasca,
- ashi,
- astarion,
- balthier,
- barnabas tharmr,
- benedikta harman,
- cidolfus telamon,
- clive rosfield,
- cloud strife,
- dion lesage,
- eizen,
- eustace,
- faris scherwiz,
- fenris,
- graha tia,
- jarlaxe baenre,
- jill warrick,
- joshua rosfield,
- kotori iida,
- ky kiske,
- lyney,
- march 7th,
- miriam,
- nanaki,
- nimona,
- professor turo,
- reaper,
- reno,
- rikku,
- roxas,
- sorey,
- tifa lockhart,
- toge inumaki,
- velvet crowe,
- xenk yendar,
- zack fair
« test sail »
Welcome to the first Test Drive Meme for
escordvi! Anyone can participate in the test drive, regardless of invite eligibility. Just keep in mind that only those who have received invitations from the mods can actually reserve on August 25th and apply on September 1st. Our Interest Check can be found here.
For your toplevel, please include the following: Character Name | Canon | Armada Choice. If undecided, put "Undecided" for the Armada.
For everyone's convenience, TDM threads can be carried over in game if you wish! If you are still unsure which armada to place your character, you can play it a bit loose and vague in the TDM and make retroactive changes if you carryover the threads. We'll have more armada focused prompts in the opening log in September. The log itself is set to cover the next two weeks, until the end of the month. Characters will appear at random intervals during this time rather than all at once, so players have some more flexibility on how much more adjusted they are for someone else.
IMPORTANT REMINDER FOR MAGIC USERS!! All magic abilities will be "sealed" until characters get their tattoo from the Inkwave parlor in Eltrut. That means no magic on the starter ships before docking.
We do require TDM threads for samples for our application!
If you have any question about the TDM, comment here. If you have questions about the game in general, please comment to the Game Info.
Avatar: The Last Airbender - Mai | Undecided
Azur Lane - Bremerton | Paladin
Azur Lane - Enterprise | Paladin
Baldur’s Gate 3 - Astarion | Corsair
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night - Miriam | Paladin
Critical Role - Percy DeRolo | Paladin
Dragon Age 2 - Fenris | Corsair
Dungeons and Dragons: Honour Among Thieves - Xenk Yendar | Paladin
Fate/Grand Order - Edward Teach | Corsair
Final Fantasy V - Faris Scherwiz | Corsair
Final Fantasy VII - Aerith Gainsborough | Undecided
Final Fantasy VII - Cloud Strife | Paladin
Final Fantasy VII - Nanaki/Red XIII | Paladin
Final Fantasy VII - Reno | Corsair
Final Fantasy VII - Zack Fair | Paladin
Final Fantasy VIII - Laguna Loire | Paladin
Final Fantasy X-2 - Rikku | Undecided
Final Fantasy XII - Ashe | Corsair
Final Fantasy XIV - G’raha Tia | Corsair
Final Fantasy XVI - Benedikta Harman | Corsair
Final Fantasy XVI - Cidolfus Telamon | Corsair
Final Fantasy XVI - Clive Rosfield | Corsair
Final Fantasy XVI - Dion Lesage | Paladin
Final Fantasy XVI - Gav | Undecided
Final Fantasy XVI - Midadol Telamon | Corsair
Final Fantasy: Type-0 - Rem | Corsair
Forgotten Realms - Jarlaxle Baenre | Corsair
Friends at the Table: Twilight Mirage - Morning’s Observation | Corsair
Genshin Impact - Lyney | Corsair
Genshin Impact - Wanderer | Undecided
Good Omens - Aziraphale | Undecided
Granblue Fantasy - Eustace | Corsair
Guilty Gear - Ky Kiske | Corsair
Honkai Star Rail - March 7th | Paladin
Jujutsu Kaisen - Toge Inumaki | Corsair
Kingdom Hearts - Roxas | Paladin
The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker - Tetra | Paladin
Nimona - Nimona | Paladin
One Piece - Roronoa Zoro | Corsair
Overwatch - Reaper | Corsair
The Owl House - Gus Porter | Undecided
Pokemon - Professor Turo | Paladin
Samurai Jack - Ashi | Paladin
Shades of Magic - Alucard Emery | Paladin
Skies of Arcadia - Fina | Corsair
Star Wars Jedi: Survivor - Cal Kestis | Undecided
Stormlight Archive - Shallan Davar | Corsair
Sweetness and Lightning - Kotori Iida | Paladin
Tales of Berseria - Eizen | Corsair
Tales of Berseria - Velvet Crow | Corsair
Tales of Zestiria - Sorey | Undecided
Welcome Home - Julie Joyful | Corsair
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
For your toplevel, please include the following: Character Name | Canon | Armada Choice. If undecided, put "Undecided" for the Armada.
For everyone's convenience, TDM threads can be carried over in game if you wish! If you are still unsure which armada to place your character, you can play it a bit loose and vague in the TDM and make retroactive changes if you carryover the threads. We'll have more armada focused prompts in the opening log in September. The log itself is set to cover the next two weeks, until the end of the month. Characters will appear at random intervals during this time rather than all at once, so players have some more flexibility on how much more adjusted they are for someone else.
IMPORTANT REMINDER FOR MAGIC USERS!! All magic abilities will be "sealed" until characters get their tattoo from the Inkwave parlor in Eltrut. That means no magic on the starter ships before docking.
We do require TDM threads for samples for our application!
If you have any question about the TDM, comment here. If you have questions about the game in general, please comment to the Game Info.
TOPLEVEL DIRECTORY (Updated August 28)
Avatar: The Last Airbender - Mai | Undecided
Azur Lane - Bremerton | Paladin
Azur Lane - Enterprise | Paladin
Baldur’s Gate 3 - Astarion | Corsair
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night - Miriam | Paladin
Critical Role - Percy DeRolo | Paladin
Dragon Age 2 - Fenris | Corsair
Dungeons and Dragons: Honour Among Thieves - Xenk Yendar | Paladin
Fate/Grand Order - Edward Teach | Corsair
Final Fantasy V - Faris Scherwiz | Corsair
Final Fantasy VII - Aerith Gainsborough | Undecided
Final Fantasy VII - Cloud Strife | Paladin
Final Fantasy VII - Nanaki/Red XIII | Paladin
Final Fantasy VII - Reno | Corsair
Final Fantasy VII - Zack Fair | Paladin
Final Fantasy VIII - Laguna Loire | Paladin
Final Fantasy X-2 - Rikku | Undecided
Final Fantasy XII - Ashe | Corsair
Final Fantasy XIV - G’raha Tia | Corsair
Final Fantasy XVI - Benedikta Harman | Corsair
Final Fantasy XVI - Cidolfus Telamon | Corsair
Final Fantasy XVI - Clive Rosfield | Corsair
Final Fantasy XVI - Dion Lesage | Paladin
Final Fantasy XVI - Gav | Undecided
Final Fantasy XVI - Midadol Telamon | Corsair
Final Fantasy: Type-0 - Rem | Corsair
Forgotten Realms - Jarlaxle Baenre | Corsair
Friends at the Table: Twilight Mirage - Morning’s Observation | Corsair
Genshin Impact - Lyney | Corsair
Genshin Impact - Wanderer | Undecided
Good Omens - Aziraphale | Undecided
Granblue Fantasy - Eustace | Corsair
Guilty Gear - Ky Kiske | Corsair
Honkai Star Rail - March 7th | Paladin
Jujutsu Kaisen - Toge Inumaki | Corsair
Kingdom Hearts - Roxas | Paladin
The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker - Tetra | Paladin
Nimona - Nimona | Paladin
One Piece - Roronoa Zoro | Corsair
Overwatch - Reaper | Corsair
The Owl House - Gus Porter | Undecided
Pokemon - Professor Turo | Paladin
Samurai Jack - Ashi | Paladin
Shades of Magic - Alucard Emery | Paladin
Skies of Arcadia - Fina | Corsair
Star Wars Jedi: Survivor - Cal Kestis | Undecided
Stormlight Archive - Shallan Davar | Corsair
Sweetness and Lightning - Kotori Iida | Paladin
Tales of Berseria - Eizen | Corsair
Tales of Berseria - Velvet Crow | Corsair
Tales of Zestiria - Sorey | Undecided
Welcome Home - Julie Joyful | Corsair
STARTER SHIPS: ORIENTATION
There are two ships that serve as starting ships for each armada: Stormbringer for the Corsairs, and Royal Fortune for the Paladins. There are various ways new arrivals—or riftfarers as they will be called, among other creative names—will appear on or by these ships.
However the new riftfarers arrive, they will be poorly clothed, practically rags or loose uniforms depending on the ship. Fortunately, veteran crewmates will guide them, escorting them to a room with a strange typewriter in it. After typing their name, the typewriter will magically continue and type by itself at a fast pace until it dings and rolls out the paper. This paper will have the following information:
After that, the crewmate will do their best to explain the basics of how they got here, what's going on, and what they'll need to do to live in Escordvi while they are here, giving them a small leather pouch with money. They will be reaching Eltrut soon, so the crewmate will suggest they look around, meet the others who have arrived. Even from their distance, they will be able to see the giant sea turtle that serves as Eltrut's leviathan.
🚪 Random room. It could be empty, filled with crates or supplies; down in the hull where the livestock are kept; have the luck to awaken in a bed...or the misfortune of that bed already occupied; somewhere in the kitchens; in the bathroom—any room! Now let's hope the doors can open or someone may have to try and ask for help. Or jump through the porthole if there is one and it's above water.
⛵ On deck. If not in the ship itself, another possible spot to wake up to is somewhere on the maindeck. If they're lucky, they're on the deck itself. More unfortunate souls may find themselves caught in the sails or netting, the crow's nest, or on the top of the masts. Someone should be able to help, right? Or catch.
🌊 In the water. The most unlucky sods will find themselves appearing in mid-air just past the ship and plummeting straight into the water. Good news, there's always someone on the look out for such a thing and calls for help to throw a lifesaver get the rowboat will be made. Are there sharks? Well... ...Are there?
⛵ On deck. If not in the ship itself, another possible spot to wake up to is somewhere on the maindeck. If they're lucky, they're on the deck itself. More unfortunate souls may find themselves caught in the sails or netting, the crow's nest, or on the top of the masts. Someone should be able to help, right? Or catch.
🌊 In the water. The most unlucky sods will find themselves appearing in mid-air just past the ship and plummeting straight into the water. Good news, there's always someone on the look out for such a thing and calls for help to throw a lifesaver get the rowboat will be made. Are there sharks? Well... ...Are there?
However the new riftfarers arrive, they will be poorly clothed, practically rags or loose uniforms depending on the ship. Fortunately, veteran crewmates will guide them, escorting them to a room with a strange typewriter in it. After typing their name, the typewriter will magically continue and type by itself at a fast pace until it dings and rolls out the paper. This paper will have the following information:
• Name and Shellphone ID (journalname)
• Armada (Corsair or Paladin, will match the starter ship)
• Cabin Number for their personal cabin on the starter ship
• Apartment Address for their personal address at their base armada location
• A basic map of the starting locations in Eltrut, including written directions (continued in the Eltrut section)
• A basic map of where they can find a chest with their original clothes and belongings (this will be different for every person and will be anywhere either on the starter ship or on Eltrut—players can be creative here).
• Armada (Corsair or Paladin, will match the starter ship)
• Cabin Number for their personal cabin on the starter ship
• Apartment Address for their personal address at their base armada location
• A basic map of the starting locations in Eltrut, including written directions (continued in the Eltrut section)
• A basic map of where they can find a chest with their original clothes and belongings (this will be different for every person and will be anywhere either on the starter ship or on Eltrut—players can be creative here).
After that, the crewmate will do their best to explain the basics of how they got here, what's going on, and what they'll need to do to live in Escordvi while they are here, giving them a small leather pouch with money. They will be reaching Eltrut soon, so the crewmate will suggest they look around, meet the others who have arrived. Even from their distance, they will be able to see the giant sea turtle that serves as Eltrut's leviathan.
ELTRUT: FIRST GLIMPSE
After reaching the port of Eltrut, several birdfolk will appear and happily greet all the new arrivals from both starter ships. Here it doesn't matter which side they are affiliated with, as long as they keep those swords and weapons sheathed and not pointed at each other's throats. The birdfolk will even act as guides, showing them the main places they should visit and give them a visitor's map to help guide them.
It's a lot to take in for sure, with the port city bustling with all walks of life. Not only do they have both armadas mingling with each other, there are different races and species from all over Escordvi gathered here. It's not just humans, which many riftfarers always seem to be surprised about. There are also plenty of veteran riftfarers who will gladly give some advice and even share stories of their world. Maybe some are familiar.
After finding their belongings, exploring the town, and meeting other people, being able to just sit back and enjoy a drink and warm meal will be in order. While there are plenty of places to choose from, the Minstrel and Cask will be the top recommended tavern for all newcomers to visit at least once. Great drinks, great food, and can learn a lot from the patrons or meet more people.
Of course, as expected of a highly popular tavern, it's not always peaceful. A man will ask travelers what they want to do with their life. Clearly drunk, he only accepts answers that hint at wanting to find riches. If told this he will give out a treasure map. But if told anything else, he'll put up a fight, hoping to deliver a black eye. Those who do receive the map will be sorely disappointed—it will lead them down a long, winding, circuitous path around town and end at a random outhouse, likely occupied and certainly stinking to high heavens. There's likely some kind of moral here, but at some point, others who have been duped will return to the tavern to sling their fists around.
Looks like another tavern brawl for the night.
🐚 Microshell. The first stop that is encouraged will be Microshell, the main store to acquire their own personal Shellphone. The paper they received on their starter ship will have their ID and the staff at the store will set them up, explaining how the device and the network works.
✒️ Inkwave, Tattoo Parlor. The next stop is Inkwave, a tattoo parlor run by a very burly but friendly octopus, Knistej. Here everyone receives their own unique magic tattoo, allowing anyone to cast specific single element spells and other magic. Note: tattoos are required before anyone will be able to use their original magical abilities.
📜 MANTA office. The final stop is the MANTA office, where all the request, mission, and task notices are posted. Each armada has their own branch office for armada specific notices as well. A great place to find jobs to earn some cash so they don't stay a hobo forever.
✒️ Inkwave, Tattoo Parlor. The next stop is Inkwave, a tattoo parlor run by a very burly but friendly octopus, Knistej. Here everyone receives their own unique magic tattoo, allowing anyone to cast specific single element spells and other magic. Note: tattoos are required before anyone will be able to use their original magical abilities.
📜 MANTA office. The final stop is the MANTA office, where all the request, mission, and task notices are posted. Each armada has their own branch office for armada specific notices as well. A great place to find jobs to earn some cash so they don't stay a hobo forever.
It's a lot to take in for sure, with the port city bustling with all walks of life. Not only do they have both armadas mingling with each other, there are different races and species from all over Escordvi gathered here. It's not just humans, which many riftfarers always seem to be surprised about. There are also plenty of veteran riftfarers who will gladly give some advice and even share stories of their world. Maybe some are familiar.
After finding their belongings, exploring the town, and meeting other people, being able to just sit back and enjoy a drink and warm meal will be in order. While there are plenty of places to choose from, the Minstrel and Cask will be the top recommended tavern for all newcomers to visit at least once. Great drinks, great food, and can learn a lot from the patrons or meet more people.
Of course, as expected of a highly popular tavern, it's not always peaceful. A man will ask travelers what they want to do with their life. Clearly drunk, he only accepts answers that hint at wanting to find riches. If told this he will give out a treasure map. But if told anything else, he'll put up a fight, hoping to deliver a black eye. Those who do receive the map will be sorely disappointed—it will lead them down a long, winding, circuitous path around town and end at a random outhouse, likely occupied and certainly stinking to high heavens. There's likely some kind of moral here, but at some point, others who have been duped will return to the tavern to sling their fists around.
Looks like another tavern brawl for the night.
QUESTS
For those who want to try their hand at some quests, there are a few that would do well for newcomers. Teaming up is of course encouraged, no matter what the affiliation. You can assume they acquired some kind of ship for the quests out at sea, either the starter ship or some other ship heading out there.
There is a traveling food ship (think food truck but on the water) that has been going around challenging ships to their extraordinary Hornswaggle's Spicy Squid Eating Challenge. If participants can scarf down a prepared three-pound bowl of exceptionally spicy ghost pepper squid and rice, they will win their meal for free as well as a crate of dried spicy squid for their ship's stores. If participants fail, they will have to pay for the meal and the crate.
...Careful, are some of the squid tentacles still moving?
Rumour has it that certain types of coral reefs contain unique properties that can make you more alluring to the one you desire, but no one is sure what the side effects are. Test this out by trying to crunch into chunks of coral reef pieces to see if there are any added effects on your body. Hopefully, they don't ruin your teeth in the meantime.
Oh, and you have to find the correct coral reef too! Red chunks seem to make you more affectionate towards others, while blue chunks seem to make you more volatile towards others. Eaters, beware!
Giant sea slugs tend to only attack ships if they feel threatened but are otherwise peaceful creatures. They're about the size of a large wild cat. They also secrete a slime that contains strong disinfectant properties. This thick slime is highly sought after for its ability to heal wounds cleanly, so kill them and collect as much slime as possible.
Seagulls can be a pain to most ships. Yet, seagulls that have evolved to be violently carnivorous can be even worse. These new birds, effectively named sharkgulls, have been seen attacking ships and ports alike. They are big enough to eat small children in one gulp or will do their best to eat full-grown humans after they've ripped them to bite-sized shreds. Beware and kill them before they can kill you!
A merchant's ship has crashed upon an outcropping of rocks after being lured in by a group of rogue sirens. These captivating creatures possess the power to ensnare their prey with their enchanting voices, luring unsuspecting souls into the depths to meet the grim fate of drowning.
Search for the missing ship and help rescue the captive sailors before it's too late! You will be supplied with special earplugs to muffle out the siren's voices so be careful to keep your ears effectively plugged. You don't want to succumb to the siren's bloodlust yourself.
Any sailors or rescuers affected by the siren's song can be treated with a harpy's potion that can reverse the song's effect. Or tie up the afflicted for twenty-four hours to wait out the effects.

Spicy Squid Eating Challenge
Eltrut PortThere is a traveling food ship (think food truck but on the water) that has been going around challenging ships to their extraordinary Hornswaggle's Spicy Squid Eating Challenge. If participants can scarf down a prepared three-pound bowl of exceptionally spicy ghost pepper squid and rice, they will win their meal for free as well as a crate of dried spicy squid for their ship's stores. If participants fail, they will have to pay for the meal and the crate.
...Careful, are some of the squid tentacles still moving?

Coral Reef Snacks
Eltrut Rumour has it that certain types of coral reefs contain unique properties that can make you more alluring to the one you desire, but no one is sure what the side effects are. Test this out by trying to crunch into chunks of coral reef pieces to see if there are any added effects on your body. Hopefully, they don't ruin your teeth in the meantime.
Oh, and you have to find the correct coral reef too! Red chunks seem to make you more affectionate towards others, while blue chunks seem to make you more volatile towards others. Eaters, beware!

Giant Sea Slugs
Starter ShipsGiant sea slugs tend to only attack ships if they feel threatened but are otherwise peaceful creatures. They're about the size of a large wild cat. They also secrete a slime that contains strong disinfectant properties. This thick slime is highly sought after for its ability to heal wounds cleanly, so kill them and collect as much slime as possible.

Killer Sharkgulls
Eltrut port and shipsSeagulls can be a pain to most ships. Yet, seagulls that have evolved to be violently carnivorous can be even worse. These new birds, effectively named sharkgulls, have been seen attacking ships and ports alike. They are big enough to eat small children in one gulp or will do their best to eat full-grown humans after they've ripped them to bite-sized shreds. Beware and kill them before they can kill you!

Siren's Serenade
Out at SeaA merchant's ship has crashed upon an outcropping of rocks after being lured in by a group of rogue sirens. These captivating creatures possess the power to ensnare their prey with their enchanting voices, luring unsuspecting souls into the depths to meet the grim fate of drowning.
Search for the missing ship and help rescue the captive sailors before it's too late! You will be supplied with special earplugs to muffle out the siren's voices so be careful to keep your ears effectively plugged. You don't want to succumb to the siren's bloodlust yourself.
Any sailors or rescuers affected by the siren's song can be treated with a harpy's potion that can reverse the song's effect. Or tie up the afflicted for twenty-four hours to wait out the effects.
cw: references to sexual assault
[ Astarion insists, though in part it's for himself. He starts to open the vial and it hits him that no one has ever really given him this offer, before. Or if they had, he couldn't really say no given Cazador's plans. Saying no would ruin things, and ruining things was not an option.
But Xenk means this. And he knows things won't be ruined with Xenk if he stops now.
Astarion takes a deep breath and closes the vial. ]
I...just give me a moment.
[ he feels so stupid that he should stop over this. Those scars have been there for a long time now. They've never stopped him before. ]
no subject
[ Xenk is perfectly capable of waiting. He isn't self conscious of the position they're in, or their relative state of undress. He'd feel comfortable being nude regardless of the company, but he feels especially comfortable around Astarion, a fact that got him in this situation in the first place.
So he nods, choosing a point on the wall to stare at, or perhaps meditate on, to give Astarion some privacy, should the man feel exposed. He'd watched him last time, when he ate, and that proved... a bit much, or so Astarion had said. So now Xenk gives him that space, even if it's a remarkably odd time, and odd way, to do it.
Well, Xenk is nothing if not remarkably odd. ]
Take your time.
no subject
Astarion doesn't feel awkward about nudity at this stage in his life either. So he takes the moment as it is given, gathering his thoughts. He looks down at vial in his hands and thinks about how it is they got here, how Xenk was so trusting.
That should make him want to manipulate him more. An easy target with a strong reward. But they had shared so much and Xenk understood some things that no one else could. And he was repaying him like this? All rote memory and going through the actions?
This is why he never stops to think about anything. It's too hard. There's too much. It makes his head hurt.
After a long moment, he closes his hand around the vial. ]
Xenk.
[ he says it to get his attention. To pull him back from his meditation. And then, when he has his attention again, he does something he's never done before]
I think we should stop. I'm sorry.
[ Not even really because Xenk noticed or commented on his scars. But because in so doing, Xenk broke the spell of the moment. The routine. The ease of throwing himself into it. He gave him a moment to really think about what he was doing. And in it...he found that he was going to regret this, because he values Xenk's friendship far too much.
What a strange concept. ]
no subject
Very well.
[ He complies, because of course he does. Astarion is his friend. If he is uncomfortable for any reason, then that is reason enough to stop.
Xenk pulls himself up onto his elbows, sitting up to further gaze into Astarion's eyes with his ever-serious serenity. The desperation from before has faded out, his breathing steadied.
That Astarion trusts him to end this prematurely, rather than continue when he was upset, simply shows his trust in him. That he apologizes now, when he has done nothing wrong, only further proves that he made the correct choice. ]
You need not apologize.
[ Really, it was Xenk who made things uncomfortable, at least from his perspective. But he isn't the type to dwell or blame himself—Astarion could have had any reason to stop, and it would be just as valid. Xenk won't question it, and certainly won't question him.
If they need to stop, then they stop. It was enjoyable for what it was, and Xenk may still have his feelings towards Astarion (feelings he needs to figure out,) but they could never supersede Astarion's own free will. ]
You have taken care of me, as you said you would. You have my thanks.
no subject
That's not a feeling he has felt in as long as he could remember.
And so is it any surprise that he doesn't know what to do, now? Some part of him wants to explain, but he doesn't have the words for it right now. Maybe later, maybe some other time. Or maybe he'd just continue to avoid the subject forever. He hasn't decided yet. ]
You don't have to thank me.
no subject
If you wish. I am grateful all the same.
[ But he won't ask questions, and he won't press why or ask what happened. It was fun, of that there can be no doubt. But Astarion's friendship is valuable to him regardless of whether or not they have sex.
Xenk lifts a leg and moves to sit beside Astarion rather than astride him, his posture almost friendly if not for the fact that they're both completely naked. ]
Shall I stay with you here until the morning, or would you be more comfortable were I to leave?
no subject
You don't have to stay.
[ of course he doesn't. Besides, it's not like Astarion really sleeps in the traditional human sense. ]
no subject
Well, Xenk doesn't know for sure. And Xenk doesn't need to sleep very much at all, either. Astarion clearly feels quite vulnerable in his current state, and Xenk cares too much for him to leave him alone. ]
I do not have to, but I enjoy spending time with you. It is no hardship for me to remain.
[ He doesn't even mind that they're hanging out naked together. Now that the 'spell' has broken on their encounter, Xenk can go back to enjoying simply being with someone who understands him. ]
no subject
Astarion falls back against the bed and stares up at the ceiling of the room. ]
I don't know what we're supposed to do now.
[ he covers his face with his hands and takes a deep breath and then removes them, pushing hair out of his face as he does. ]
This is ridiculous. I was supposed to be showing you how all of this all works and now -- [ he laughs, a little hollowly ] I don't know know what the hells has gotten into me.
no subject
[ Xenk turns toward Astarion and looks down at him, from over his shoulder. He really doesn't mind. Seeing a vulnerable side of Astarion is only endearing him further to him, but to know that he is treading new ground... that warms him, too. ]
You are not ridiculous.
[ He means it completely, of course. He doesn't think any less of Astarion for feeling unsure and not wanting to continue. ]
There will be ever more time for us to learn from each other.
[ He doesn't just mean sex, either. He means everything. ]
no subject
Boy he hates this! ]
Well I guess there is a first time for everything.
[ He's trying to be blasé about it, but make no mistake, he's admitting to something deeply troubling here. ]
no subject
Xenk will gain nothing from running these questions over in his head. This is all new to him as well, anyway. He tilts his head in something like confusion, but he already managed to get Astarion to agree to another time, or at the very least that he shouldn't feel pressured to rush things.
What comes out of his mouth though, with how Astarion makes him feel and how he has, despite everything, enjoyed this time with him, is this: ]
I am happy to share in your first experiences as well.
no subject
I didn't mean for it to end up like this.
no subject
That is well. I didn't either.
[ Xenk reaches beside him and gives Astarion's hand a gentle squeeze. ]
I do not regret it for a moment.
no subject
That's good. Your first time should be something nice.
[ Not with a vampire trying to manipulate him. Fuck he fucked this up so bad. ]
no subject
I will treasure the memory.
[ Xenk doesn't need something to compare it to. He had a lovely time with Astarion, who he cares for, and that felt better than he could have imagined. In fact, he's happy to just sit there, his hand lightly resting on Astarion's, in silence.
He doesn't know what they're supposed to now, either. He just wants to stay, for as long as Astarion will have him. ]
no subject
[ Astarion sighs and then sits up so he can look at Xenk again. He's apparently collected himself enough or at least barreled past his panic and his uncertainty enough to put on his regular facade. ]
Look, I want you to know that it's not about you, or anything you said. You're exceeding handsome and impressively built. I would like nothing better than to get to enjoy your body.
[ he casts his eyes over it but then shakes his head, clearing those more lustful thoughts. ]
You just believe in me so much [ the emphasis is strained, almost fearful. Like Xenk is a sun that shines too intensely. ] and I guess, despite all rational reasoning to the contrary, I don't wish to prove you wrong just yet.
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He seems to have collected himself, so Xenk listens and nods. It is good to hear that he wasn't upset with him for asking about his scars. Perhaps personal questions aren't completely off limits? And Xenk knows he's attractive of course, but it is nice to hear from the man he's realized he has feelings for. If he blushes just a little bit, it's not something he can help.
Because of course the truth is that Xenk does believe in Astarion. And he knows he is good. To hear Astarion admit it, so fearfully... it must be difficult indeed. Xenk doesn't need to understand why to understand that. And maybe he doesn't quite get what this has to do with them not having sex, but that's fine too. They have so much time, they'll have time to talk through things eventually. ]
I thank you for your honesty with me.
[ He gives his hand a tiny squeeze. He'll always believe in Astarion, because he knows Astarion is good. Best of all, it seems Astarion can even at times even believe in himself. Xenk could never find fault in him for that. ]
You honor me with your trust, and I offer you the same. Whatever you wish, whenever you are ready.
[ He's still Xenk, he's so bad at talking. ]
Though it is your kind heart that drew me to your side, I likewise find you very handsome. Know that I would not ever pressure you into anything you are not comfortable with. Though I would seek your permission to court you, if that is acceptable to you.
[ Xenk....... ]
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Haven't you been listening to me? I'm not good enough for you.
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Evidently, the men he likes don't like "obvious." This is his mistake. Alas, one he cannot fix. It's who he is. He is firm in his resolve as he responds. ]
Only I alone can decide who or what is "good enough" for me.
[ And he thinks Astarion is good, he said as much. But repeating it now wouldn't help—even Xenk knows that. ]
If my advances have offended, then it is I who has erred most gravely.
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[ This he says full of conviction, like he knows he's incapable. He's barely his own person, after all. How can he be a person for someone else? ]
You will only get hurt, trying.
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[ If that isn't what Astarion wants, then Xenk won't put a label on it. If his feelings must go unnamed, then Xenk will unname them.
Astarion isn't simply saying this, Xenk knows he means it. And Xenk would respect Astarion's wishes, regardless of what he asked. He knows the man hasn't had the opportunity to make his own choices. He would respect this one as well. ]
I would settle for a friend. A close one, perhaps?
[ He meant it when he said their friendship was important to him. He's just very stupid and should learn when to keep his mouth shut. ]
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Finally, Astarion nods. ]
I think friends would be acceptable.
[ he moves his hand out from underneath Xenk's own hand and pats Xenk's hand before sliding out of bed to get his clothing. He's left so much unsaid still and he wonders if he's only agreeing to be friends for the sake wrong reasons as he agreed to fuck him, that some part of him still wants to manipulate Xenk into being his ally.
But he does like Xenk. He's pretty sure this is, in fact, what friendship feels like. The sex part aside, of course. ]
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So if this must be friendship, then let it be friendship. Xenk hasn't allowed himself a true friend in so long. Perhaps he doesn't really know the feeling either. But he's willing to try, to have someone who understands. ]
Good. I am glad to hear it.
[ He smiles. It's an honest one, too. He is glad to still have Astarion's friendship. He stands to join and begin picking up his clothes. His armor lies on the floor in so many pieces... it's going to take him a bit, but you can count on him picking up every loose belt or buckle. ]
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Listen, I'm alright. I promise. You don't have to stay to take care of me. [ he would stop there but it might not be direct enough for Xenk: ] You should go. I'm sure we'll run into each other soon enough.
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