closed 🪶⚡ but all i really know, you're where i wanna go

[garudas]

Who: Cidolfus Telamon & Benedikta Harman.
Status: Closed.
Where: The Roost.
What: While making the glass charms, their owl has a little big surprise for them.
Warnings: Cute baby owls and disgusting, domestic fluff.


🦉

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[garudas]

[She knows where his eyes drift, and between seeing that look on his face and feeling the weight of the chain around her neck, her heart cannot help but want to reach out for him with a wish to know more.]

Hm?

[She hums at him, pulling him closer with her arms around his shoulders.]

What was he like?

[ramuhs]

[He is a little surprised by the display of affection, but he also can't help but smile into it as he nuzzles in close. Who is he to deny whatever comforts she thinks she might need to help encourage him?

Granted... When was the last time he spoke of his parents? Or even really thought of them, as unfilial as that may sound.

So there's just a low hum as his eyes remain on the pendant for a little while longer.]

Strong...well, as strong as a man could be given our conditions.

[Another hum as he reflects while slowly speaking.]

While nothing noteworthy, the family does hail from a line of swordsmen, usually knights or soldiers that served other lords.

[He nods to the pendant.]

That's how we came to have a crest, though my father always said it was something his grandfather made on a whim so it's not even that aged.

But he, too, used to know the way of the sword before an injury left him unable. That's how he came to work in the stables and assist the knights of the old lord instead. Perhaps it was some measure of repayment, even if such repayment wasn't much. Still, he didn't let that destroy his pride.

[A wry grin.]

Might have gotten some of my own stubbornness and ethic from him.

[garudas]

[She watches him as he speaks, her eyes flitting across his face in rapt attention and focus, drinking in every word and every little twitch of his lips, every shimmer in his eyes. Sometimes, in moments like this, she feels like that young girl again, admiring her Lord Commander for being the man that he is. Only this time, it is not brought with a wish to be near him because she already is, and the thought has her running her fingers along his cheek with idle affection.]

I think you may have.

[A smile.]

He sounds like he was a good man, though. You looked up to him...

[Not so much a question as much as it is an observation, just based on the way he spoke of him. She may not have lived a life where her own father showed her that strength, but she can still see it in him.]

[ramuhs]

[He only smiles in silent acknowledgment.]

Quite so. And even at a young age I was interested in "tinkering" around, so he would bring back any spare wood or things that was no longer needed.

[garudas]

[How cute... She is certain her heart is soaring right now.]

Quite the tinkerer and swordsman you turned out to be, thanks to him in part. I assume you learned the way of the sword from him as well?

[ramuhs]

[There's a pregnant pause at that before he gives a slight shake of his head.]

...Unfortunately, no. When I was about eight he was killed while running an errand. Bandits most likely.

[garudas]

[Ah.

She knew that he no longer had his parents, but that was about the extent of that knowledge. She never asked, mostly because at some point, she thought she stopped having the right to do so, and then... the opportunity never presented itself, nor did the thought. They'd been so focused on other things, but now that the owlets have hatched and they watched the owl that they had raised become a father...

Of course it would find its way to the forefront again. And not that she has a problem with it, but she does hope that he does not. That he feels comfortable telling her these things because she wants to know.

He'll feel her arms around him tighten, and her lips brush gently against his cheek in a silent apology.]

You were so young... And it was just you and your mother after that?

[ramuhs]

[It's been long enough that sad as it is, he can speak of it without too much more emotion than the usual nostalgia and melancholy that comes with such things. So he can only glance at her with a light, appreciative smile, the kiss, though perhaps not needed, still welcomed.]

...For a short time. Unfortunately that "errand" was actually to get medicine for my mother. Having fallen ill, there was only so much we could do with what little we had, and after that... Her health deteriorated with the grief and it wasn't long after that she passed.

[garudas]

[He may not have needed it, but she wanted to give it anyway.

But her hand wanders to the pendant around her neck, fingers caressing the cool metal, knowing full well that this had been his mother's at one point. What did she look like? What kind of woman was she? Would she have liked Benedikta now if they met? All questions that she keeps to herself, though she continues to wonder.]

I recall you telling me that you had to find your own way at one point, but I did not know that it was so soon after your father...

[ramuhs]

[There's a soft, light smile along with a light shrug.]

Quite common, really. I will give some credit to the old lord—he at least recognized their services and gave me a pittance of food and money before sending me on my way to figure out the rest.

[There is a lace of sarcasm there. Even if it was a fraction more than most would have done, might as well have done nothing at all.]

So, found my way I did to survive.

[garudas]

[A little nod.]

That is when you met the man who taught you how to fight, yes...? I recall you telling me of him back then. When you were teaching me.

[ramuhs]

[A low hum of confirmation.]

Not the nicest man, but that's what I needed even at that young age—tough, harsh, and no matter what the punishment he made sure I survived.

[A small pause.]

He also helped me with my first kill.

[garudas]

[There's a silence that follows that. She feels like she had known that, but it still takes her by surprise anyway.]

In a world like that, I feel it is sometimes necessary. At the very least, you were not alone in it, though I don't suppose that is only a small comfort.

[ramuhs]

[Something of an empty laugh.]

No, suppose not. However, I think he knew and used it as something of a "teaching moment."

[garudas]

[Ah yes, the teaching moments. She had many of those in her childhood too, though... quite different.

There's another pause as she watches him, that empty laugh of his ringing in her ears.]

... And what sort of lesson was that?

[ramuhs]

"Revenge won't bring the dead back."

[Words he's said similar to Clive once, and to others before him. There's just a moment before he looks at her with a wry smile before speaking as if it's someone else's story, with an air of nonchalance to the point it's almost indifference.]

I was fourteen and while I wouldn't say I had been obsessed by it... Whenever we saw bandits I wondered. Once I was old and strong enough to use the sword, I got it in my head that I should try to avenge my father, kill the bastard that ruined my family.

So, with a little help we found him and I killed him.

[garudas]

[Even through it all, she continues those small gestures of comfort, her eyes never once leaving his face, though her surprise is there. He never struck her as the vengeful sort, and she wonders how much had changed in between then and the day she had met him with all of his confident swagger and lopsided grins. For a moment, as that thought occurs to her, it truly does sound like he is telling her the story of another, but it had been so long ago...

Almost like another lifetime now. Or, at least, that is how she feels about her own days long past. How different she had been then, too, so small and afraid.]

... Did it make you feel something? Better?

[There is a sense of understanding there, and no judgment to come, regardless of what his answer would be. Because she would not have been different. She is no different. If given the chance then, and even now, she would seek out retribution without hesitation.]

[ramuhs]

[Again, he didn't really need the comfort, but... Perhaps it's because this is a story he hasn't told anyone, of a time he had not necessarily forgotten or hidden, but... Moved on from, it feels as if a hidden weight has lifted, a strange relief that her touch and presence helps foster. So his eyes close as he leans in closer to her.]

Not at all.

[A dry, bitter laugh.]

I thought I would at least feel something, like pride or relief. But instead I just felt regret. Even if it was a life one would argue worth taking, it was still a life, one taken not out of defense or protection, but in cold blood and hatred. Blood that would be on my hands forever.

It made me think that I was no better than them and that my parents would actually be disappointed in what I had done, but that was part of that "teaching moment" my mentor had me experience. And without him there, I might have just fallen apart right there.

[garudas]

[Perhaps she thinks differently because of the differences in their lives growing up, but she thinks that the man had deserved what was coming. That, and she found she never did have any issues with taking a life if only because it was either kill or be killed for so many, including her. As long as it was not her own, then who cares what carnage she left in her wake?

But for someone like him? She could see how it might have affected him, especially so young. She, too, remembers when she'd killed those men chasing her when she'd awoken. How much her hands shook that day at the thought of not only having all of that terrifying power, but to know that she had taken lives with it...]

Do you still regret it now?

[Even if those days are long gone, with it resurfacing...]

[ramuhs]

[A small, low hum.]

To be honest, I don't know. Perhaps some part of me still does, believing my parents would not have wanted me to go down that road. So if I were to regret, it would only be for that.

[garudas]

[There's something of a sheepish smile at that, both reassuring and a bit scolding.]

But you did not, did you? Continue down that road...

[Her warm palm rests against his cheek, her thumb tracing the line of his beard as she stares at him.]

[ramuhs]

[A somewhat rueful smile as his eyes open to look at her.]

I'd like to think so... But I also acknowledge that there have been times where I made more selfish choices in that regard.

Bit of a must when you're a mercenary.

[garudas]

I think that is different from actively seeking out vengeance.

[She tilts her head at him before she shifts closer.]

And I am confident when I say that I believe that your mother and father would love the man that you are now. Blood on your hands and all.

[ramuhs]

You think so?

[garudas]

[She laughs softy under her breath.]

You do not? You lead quite the interesting band of outlaws now, and have all these new inventions under your belt. You are a married man, and raised both a daughter and an owlet into being a father of his own little chicks. What is there to not be so proud of?