escordvi | closed ⚡🪶 and forevermore, i'll be chasing the storm we had.

[There's a more pleased smile when she rolls her hips against him, and he responds by placing his hands on her hips, pulling her further up against him as he brushes his lips against hers.]

Well...maybe if you convince me to stay out of it, I will.

[And then sudden, shove to push her back so that he's now looming over her.]

But you'll have to try hard.

[She falls all the way onto her back, the mattress shifting under the weight as the longer strands of her hair fan out beneath her. Honestly, she was content with simply lying in bed with him, letting herself feel his arms around her while she worked through the thoughts she suffered with. Still suffers with...

Was.

But after these new discoveries, this step forward, it's hard not to be overcome with emotions like this. Ones that have her heart skipping beats as he looms above her looking like the god that he is. Ones that have her face flushed and her eyes burning with the threat of tears. Ones that make the ache in her chest run deeper, burn hotter. It's not as if she realized for the first time that she loves him, but she has realized just how much she does. How much she needs him.

How much she needed him back then...

They may never heal from these new regrets that they bear together. Learning that she had missed so many opportunities before, that he had waited and waited for her when she never came because she didn't even know... Learning that he still loved her the way she did him...

Yes, it's hard not to want to make up for that, too.

So, she reaches up to card her fingers through his hair and pull him down towards her, close enough that their lips only just touch.]

Well, I can certainly think of other knacks to practice instead...

Well then.

[A low laugh as his hands run up her sides, pushing up his shirt on her.]

Let's get to practicing.

[And just before his lips fully take hers, there is a soft light in his eyes, a tenderness behind that smirk, that smile. One that only grows as they finally are able to convey the depths of their feelings where words cannot.

While things may start tender and affectionate, once again, they will be caught in a passionate union fueled by the torrent of emotions that continue to embroil them. Each touch, kiss, and bite carry that desperate heated fervor they share, and each breath, moan, sigh, and cry plead for it to never end. He had thought what had passed during the hot springs would be their most intense yet, but no—it would be this. Because here, now, the truth has finally been revealed to them. A sad, devastating truth that makes them only more desperate to make up for it. To make up for the time unfairly stolen from them.

And maybe they will never be able to make up for it. Maybe they will never get that time back. Maybe they will always grieve over what could have been, always long for a life that should have been theirs. But if there is one thing Cid has learned in his long if cut too short life, it's that while one can grieve, one cannot stay in that grief. That he has to move forward and grasp what future there is left before even that is lost forever.

So that is the new, silent vow he makes as he holds her tight beneath him, a promise that dangles from her neck as he supports her above him, an oath sealed between each crash of their lips and rock of their hips. Whatever lingering soreness or ache from his wound is numbed by the one that erupts from his heart as everything flows out anew along with the dizzying overwhelming pleasure they grant each other, that bliss that could take them at least momentarily away from the depths of that pain.

A vow that whatever happens, he won't let them be shackled to their past no longer. It will never be forgotten, but it will just be shadow that they will continue to walk further and further away from, stretch it out until it's but a speck and the brilliant light of their future casts new shadows that fold it up and cradle it to carry along instead. To let that shadow finally heal and rest and have its own peace.

And it will be during one of their many heights, when she's still lost soaring high and has yet to come back down that he will pull back just enough to stare into her clouded, reddened amber eyes, her faced flushed and skin glistening, lips so red and bruised as they part for each cry and gasping breath. And yet, it is the loveliest most beautiful sight, especially when he can feel the difference between tonight and all their other shared nights. A night where their hearts have finally, truly connected and not fearing it will run away and never look back.

So while he doesn't need to—]

Benna.

[—he feels compelled to.]

I love you.

[Compelled to once more make it clear of what he thinks, what he feels for her. What he's always felt, no matter how small it had faded, no matter how torn up and covered by that veneer of anger and hate that has now faded into dust. And he doesn't even expect her to say it back—he's noticed how she's faltered in the past, how he could guess then and especially now. He would truly be a blind fool to not notice.

So where she can't, he'll do it for them. Say it over and over and over again. Until she's finally ready.]

Edited 2024-02-01 15:59 (UTC)

[Beyond her own smile, there is a sadness that swims within her eyes, but it turns to embers when his lips finally take hers for that final time before he pulls her down with him into the depths of their storm.

She had spent a long time thinking tonight. Not just about the woman running away on that boat, but of her own past. It was that mission that sent her spiraling into it, losing herself in the what ifs. Images of that life that she could have had painted themselves in her head, so beautiful and yet so far away out of her reach. If he had just taken her with him, if he had pushed a little harder to save her, if she had listened to him, if she had taken his hand when he tried to reach out for her... would they be here now? Or would she be gliding into his arms in this castle he'd built for himself that she wishes now that she could have seen? Would things have ended the same way for her? ... For them?

Those wounds cut deep, and they have been reopened fresh tonight, made deeper only by the lies they discovered they were fed. That rift that had come between them was not entirely of their own making, but they had been too blinded by their own ideals to see it. If they had, maybe then it wouldn't have been too late to save them. Maybe then...

She knows she should not get caught up in that. If she is to heal from those wounds, turn them into nothing but scars that she bears with all the others, then she needs to move forward. With his hand holding hers, they need to carry with them the pains and the hurts. They can't simply leave them behind, nor can they forget, because it was never going to be that easy. When one has had a knife driven through them, the pain of pulling it out is as great as the pain one had to bear when it struck. She may ache, she may bleed again, but at least she can be sure that she won't be alone when she does.

She can be certain that he will be there to guide her through it, with every vow that he carves into her with his hands, his lips, his body...

It will be a long and difficult road ahead, to be sure, but so long as they walk it together...

As passionate and heated as tonight may be, there is a fury that edges every single touch of her own. A rage that simmers beneath her skin, one that burns the vey aether that makes her. That they had so much taken from them—their past and a future—makes her nails rake over his skin, further pushes her into her descent of a heated, maddening frenzy, etching herself into him, spreading into his soul as much as he does hers, to make up for every lost moment until the only thing he remembers is the way she cries out for him.

Until they both can forget the pain, the anguish, and all they can remember of each other is the rock of their bodies together, that newly spun thread that connects their hearts, and the eternal bliss that it brings.

Even if just for tonight.

The way he stares down at her is as devastating as the high that he's pushed her to. Just when she feels as though she might burst into the aether that boils within her, pressing at her seams, when she feels like she could soar forever, that look in his eyes makes her come crashing down. Tears erupt in her own when she catches that love that presses down on her chest like an anchor. It's too much and not enough all in the same breath.

Then he goes and says that...

I love you.

And she swears that she might just leave this world. Her body trembles under his, those aftershocks that still ripple through her threaten to shatter her, and only when she finally comes down from it does her head clear, and she can form some semblance of thought that isn't just the way he fills her, of the feel of his weight pressed over her.

Her vision clouds, her eyes burn. Her chest aches and her heart slams against the confines of her chest. Her hand trembles as it moves to his face, using what little strength he's left her with to touch him, to revere him like he is her god that she adores and worships, and she his only subject. She wants to memorize every detail of this moment, every little piece right down to the way his lips feel, how his eyes spark with the depths of his feelings for her.

Depths she has gotten lost in so many times before, but tonight, she means to drown.

Her lips part.]

...Cidolfus, I...

[Yet, on the inside, a fear strikes her like lightning because the last time she had thought to say it, he was taken from her. Fate and the gods saw to it that she would never get the chance. A punishment, perhaps, for not being able to be true with him. With herself. A punishment for ever doubting him...

And only a shaky breath comes.]

[He can feel it in her touch, see it in her eyes. He doesn't know what she's still afraid of, but at the very least he had the confidence it's not him anymore. At least, not as much as before. They've come a long way for him to better understand how she is, and while it is a little disappointing that he may not hear it, it all just means he has to continue to help her until she can.

Because then it will mean they have finally crossed that rift.]

It's all right.

[A soft whisper as he first kisses her fingertips before moving to her lips.]

I know.

[A soft kiss as his own hand cups her cheek, thumb moving to brush away those tears.]

Just keep saying my name, just like that.

[Keep calling him, keep crying for him, and let him hear how much she wants and loves him through his name. That will be enough for now.]

[Brush those tears away all he likes, they will still fall.

That particular wound is still too deep. Though she cannot bring herself to say it aloud still, she means it with all her heart in the way she does say his name, does touch him, in how she kisses him and looks at him. She regrets that she can't, more than anything. Perhaps even more than what she does feel for him. It hurts, it makes her wish she could fly away right now so he wouldn't have to look at her in all her ugly shame, so he wouldn't see how little she really, truly deserves him...

Her chest heaves with a fought sob. He knows. He knows that she does. He hasn't pushed her away, nor has he turned his back to her. That must count for something, right? So long as he can see it and feel it, then maybe that means that the world is not so cruel...

She shudders when he kisses her, that emotion swelling again until she can hardly stand it again. Her arms secure themselves around his shoulders, locking him to her, as she rocks her hips under his, saying his name again.]

Cidolfus...

[I love you.

And again.

I don't deserve you.

And again.

Please don't leave me again.

Just like that, as the tears stain his cheeks, too, her lips quivering against his between each one.

Never before has she felt anything so strongly. Not the admiration or the love she had for him when they shared their first moment together. Not the hate and the fury she harboured in those six long years. Nor the anguish in her final moments. Not even the relief and the fear when she saw him again for the first time in this world as he caught her in his arms. Never before has she felt anything so beautiful, so consuming, and so terrifying...

Something that she clings to with all her might so that she may never lose it again.]

[There's that ache, a twist in his chest as he sees her fall apart and become undone by the weight of it all, and he hears those silent messages, each one piercing his heart until it's completely wrapped by those chains. Yet they are ones he wears willingly, for this would be his burden, his punishment. To have to bear the pain he helped cause.

He meets each of her movements with her own and soon he, too, whispers her name.]

Benna...

Benedikta...

[Several times tonight he felt that burn in his eyes, but it will only be now as he has to listen to her crying out his name will they finally flow out, those long repressed tears mixing with hers as he kisses her desperately, body crashing roughly against hers as if to strike her at her deepest.]

I'm never letting you go again.

[A hoarse whisper, an ardent promise before they're consumed by a more feverish, desperate pitch.]

[It is utter madness that he drives her to. A madness consumed by her love for him—one that has rooted itself, made a home in her, and then festered for so long. It beckons a side of her that only he will ever lay eyes upon, a side that only his heart will ever know. Her best-kept secret, and he knows it all in every painstaking detail.

To new heights they go, and new heights they come crashing down from, tonight a stark contrast to every other time they have shared together. While this one is coloured by their past, it is also shaped by a new future that they intend to seek out together. A future that they will search for and find and work towards together.

They continue that feverish, desperate pitch until their bodies are completely spent, their emotions at a high they have never been, and their names have been written into every inch of each other. Into the stars that line the skies, into the air that they breathe... Until there is no escape anymore.

It's Benedikta who dozes off first, and she has no idea when it happened or how. She'd been in the middle of kissing him softly when she felt the sleep take over her, those kisses turning into lazy presses of her lips before she eventually fell to his shoulder to rest. Wrapped up completely in his warmth, it is the first night in a long, long time where it is completely dreamless, not a thought in sight in this blissful, happy place she's found herself in.

Happy...

What a foreign concept.

Even stranger that she doesn't fear it will be gone come morning.

And that much is proven to be true when she does wake up finally, muttering his name and blinking her eyes open against the late morning sun to find him still there with her...]

Edited 2024-02-01 17:38 (UTC)

[He won't sleep right away, instead just holding her close as he feels her body relaxing, her breaths evening, and the weight of her head on his shoulder as she falls asleep. How could he? Tired and and filled with that same bliss, there is still that little nugget of fear. That dread that makes his arms pull her closer to him, his lips pressed tight against the top of her head as he takes a ragged breath. Now he's not afraid of her leaving him. He's afraid of her being taken away, afraid that come morning fate will prove itself cruel and those rifts will have once more taken her away to a place he can't reach, can't embrace her in his arms.

Yet he only allows himself a moment to let it wash over him before he takes another steadying breath and closes his eyes to relish in her warmth, her scent, the taste of her still lingering on his tongue and lips. He has her now. He truly has her now, and he has to do everything he can to keep her. To not let their past repeat itself. It's only then that he finally allows sleep to come to him, whispering those tender words of love into her ear one last time before his consciousness drifts.

And it will be Benedikta who will awaken first for once. Usually it's him, but this time he remains asleep, his arms still wrapped strongly around her and face resting near hers. It's no wonder, given how their night was. Mentally, emotionally, and physically spent. But there is a bit more of a peacefulness there, too, as if he can finally relax with her with him.]

[The sight that awaits her the moment she opens her eyes is remarkable, snatching the air right out of her lungs mid-breath. She's woken up beside him plenty of times before, but there is a new sense of peace and contentment that has washed over him as he sleeps under the sun, looking divine as ever. There's that tightness in her chest again as she stares at him, and she can't tell whether it's fear or if it's love... To her, they feel the same, so powerful and overwhelming.

She lifts her head from his shoulder, and her fingertips graze featherlight over his face. Across the stubble that shadows his sharp jaw, across his lips that she so badly wants to kiss, over the wrinkles that she has always adored so much at the corners of his eyes—the ones that deepen when he laughs. Into his hair where she plays with his loosened locks, smoothing them back into their rightful place before they spring back into that morning-after mess.

She shouldn't wake him. She should let him sleep. She should go back to sleep after the long night that they had, her body and her heart and her mind all wishing to close themselves off to the rest of the world for a little while longer...

...

But she can't help herself. With this new, burning, aching love that surges to life in her chest, she wants to kiss him so, so terribly bad that she feels like she might burst into flames if she doesn't. So, that is exactly what she does, pressing a careful kiss to his lips so as not to wake him as she whispers his name, in that same way he asked her to.]

...Cidolfus...

[Whether it's the kiss or the sound of his name, he stirs, her name murmuring past his lips as if response.]

...Benna...

[But it's sleepy, rough, deep, and although he shifts closer to her it's clear he's not quite awake yet, the deep breath like a longing sigh followed by those quieter breaths of sleep.]

[She smiles, the way he says her name like that making her heart flutter so violently that she has to scold it with a soft click of her tongue.

But she tests him, moving closer until she's flush up against him, and she kisses him again. Repeats his name again.

Founders, she just wants him to kiss her back. Why is she so selfish when it comes to him? Why so needy? It's annoying, and she would chide herself again if it didn't feel so damn good to be.]

...It's morning...

[Just another low murmur and sleepy groan as his arms tighten around her, body pressing more firmly to hers.]

Sleeping...

[It's rather rare for Cid to be so out of it. Okay, more common after a night of drinking, but instead of alcohol it seems he was drunk on everything that transpired the night before. But perhaps it's reflective of how much more relaxed he is with her with him compared to all their other nights. Even in Waloed he was quick to wake because that was just what his body was trained to do, never able to really have a chance to rest, not even with her.]

[She's completely captured, caged within his arms, and she pouts at him as he practically rolls over and goes back to sleep. She wants to let him sleep, but she also wants him to wake up... if only so that they can spend some time in bed together before she inevitably has to get up and leave him, so now she's stuck—quite literally—between two decisions.

No. She's decided that she's going to be greedy.]

Wake up.

Make me.

[Another low, rough grumble, but he certainly seems more awake than before.]

[Is he really sure that's what he wants? She can think of a number of ways to do so, and none of them involve being very chaste about it.

For now, she continues to test the waters, seeing how far she can push him before he finally gives in. Rather than kiss him this time, he'll feel a light nip at his jaw, followed by several kisses peppered over his face.]

Like so?

[She should know that that is exactly what he wants—

Just a low hum as his head tilts slightly, giving her more access.

...

But that's also all she gets.]

[...

He actually gets a low growl out of her when her teeth graze over his jaw once more, her frustration getting the better of her, just a smidge.

Her hands start to roam now, down over his shoulders, his chest, his stomach, stopping right on his hip where her nails carve a line, featherlight, but not so light that he won't feel it.]

[Another low hum, a slight shudder as his arms move to more around her as he presses towards her.

...

Still not giving her what she wants.]

[It's alright. She is a woman who knows what she wants, and she has no problem taking it, and she savours that little shudder she gets out of him.

Her lips travel from his jaw down to his neck, and further still to his collarbone, leaving little marks of red on the way. Closer, her fingers inch still, teasing him, but no matter how close she gets, it's never close enough.

Lower, lower she descends, her breath running hot along his skin, and as her palms find his hips, she glances up at him to watch from where she now rests on his stomach.

A dangerous game, he is playing.]

[His breathing deepens and muscles tense as he feels her descending down, and there is definitely something waking up right now.

It's certainly becoming harder to resist not doing more, but then again—this is exactly what he wants. And really, would she even stop if he did wake up properly? So there's just the movement of his arm shifting, his fingers threading and digging up her neck and through her hair.]

Awake now, are we?

[She chuckles, making sure to let that laugh skim over him.

And really, this became less about waking him up and more about wanting to please him, and as her mouth makes that final descent over him, she will certainly do that as she savours his taste.

Granted, it is a good way to wake anyone up, and by the time they finish, she climbs back up over him, her fingers wiping at her lips as she settles right at his side again, as if she hadn't moved at all in the first place. Her lids are heavy, eyes honeyed and sweet as she stares at him and combs back his hair.]

... Good morning.

[Certainly a more favored method, and when she returns to him he just looks at her with pleased grin, eyes on her glistening lips before he's pulling her closer to him.]

Hmmm, morning.

[And then his lips take hers—slowly. So that his tongue can run over her lips before he speaks against them.]

...Though now I feel I should return the favor.

[She takes that kiss that she had been waiting for, keening into it with a soft moan. Her hips even give a small wiggle against his to tease... Gods, she would love nothing more than for him to return the favour, and she is tempted, but...]

Perhaps later.

[Has she gone completely mad? Yes, perhaps... though completely, madly in love with him that all she wants to do is lie here at his side and look at him. Admire how the sun cascades over his face, his hair, his body as it's sheened in that afterglow of his.]

[A low hum and quiet laugh as his hand drifts down to her hip, pressing her more against him as his teeth graze and nip at her lips.]

Sure?

[There is such a sly, devious tone in his voice, his eyes gleaming down with that mischievous smirk as his hand travels further inward...]

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✨ timeskip to the morning after ✨

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