escordvi | closed ⚡🪶 and forevermore, i'll be chasing the storm we had.

[Her breath catches again, although for an entirely different reason.]

You say that as if it were that simple...

[He says everything as if it were so simple... and whether he is talking about this situation or their own, her response doesn't change. She remembers how she had specifically asked him not to... practically begged him...]

That is hardly working from the shadows.

Well if you rush into it head first, no. But sneak in and just—

[A harsh sound of his teeth to mimick the sound of a knife cutting a throat.]

None the wiser.

[Totally hasn't imagined numerous scenarios for this... No... Course not...]

[She just gives him a pointed look through his dramatic show, the daggers in her stare at odds with the way her fingers continue to caress up and down his spine.]

Thought about this, have you?

[Without giving him time to respond, she tips her head towards him, eyes softening again.]

Would that I could... but I don't know where to start looking.

[She may not have let him respond, but that cold gleam in his eyes, a rare sight indeed, is enough of an indicator that yes. Yes he has. How could he not? Especially in those immediate days, weeks, months... Not that he was foolish enough to act on it, the power difference was too great. Yet another sore point to it all. And the only reason he didn't take another opportunity here in this world where they had more equal footing was because of her begging him not to. Otherwise...

Anyway.]

I already have my men looking into it, but there's sure to be a trail. Given how the man seems to be hiding, there may be others who have caught wind of the truth about this little bounty and also seeking him out.

[A small pause as he looks her over.]

You could try teaming up with them.

Edited 2024-01-28 02:59 (UTC)

[She does not miss that dark shadow that falls over his eyes, that protective spark that could make her knees weak if she weren't already lying in bed next to him. Yet, somehow, it does, along with hearing that he has, indeed, already started looking into it.

There's just something about his power...]

I could.

[Her other hand searches blindly for his so that she might lock their fingers together loosely.]

But I don't want to team up with them.

[Whoever they are.]

[It's only when her hand finds his that his expression finally softens, and his fingers will thread with hers—and act that had become so natural now.]

I know. But you should.

[A light tap of his forehead against hers.]

Of course I will work with you as well, but you really should try and make more connections and allies, even if just superficial.

[Maybe it's the way she wants to make up for lost time. Maybe it's the way that she can't ever quite get him out of her head when he isn't around. Maybe it's the way that she misses his goddamn presence... but other connections, other allies—if she can even call anyone that—is not what she wants. Not right now.]

I have...

[She pouts at him, her forehead tipping to tap his back.]

But not for this.

[This is something that digs far deeper than any other job she could take, and the thought of having to do it without his strength behind her is daunting.]

[Here is he trying to help her not rely on him so much...yet considering the circumstances, their history, what it all means to her, how can he not relent? So there's a small squeeze of his fingertips against hers.]

All right, it will just be me and you. But you do realize we may end up crossing paths with others, aye? At least should that moment come, at least try to work with them then. Perhaps others were in a similar position and feel the same as you.

[He should know that even that is a lot to ask. There are few that Benedikta would allow to work at her side, and even fewer that she would trust, and none that would ever know why she was so invested in this woman's fate, as well as the Corsair's, in the first place. Strangely enough, the only person in this world that she trusts with that is Cid...

Funny how things have worked out that way.

Funny how she finds herself slipping further against him, needing his closeness now more than she ever has.

Funny how she finds herself saying these words without thought.]

... I don't know that I can do this without you.

[His arm around her tightens, letting her have all that warmth and assurance that she wants.]

I think you can...but I know this is difficult, so I'll be with you every step of the way.

You're not alone. That's all I want you to know.

[If only she'd heard that six years ago...

But it's not a thought that she has the space to linger on... not when he holds her so tight, so close, and not when she wishes he would just crush her to him and not ever free her again.

She dips her head, burying it in his chest, seeking the strength that comes from his body, his warmth, his scent... everything. Once, it would have made her feel weak, would have made her hate herself for wanting it so much, but now, it's the only thing that keeps her tethered and grounded in the present.

Even when he is also the only person that puts her at risk of falling back into the past just as easily.]

Cidolfus...

[The way that she says his name is tentative and slow, like she's scared she might either disintegrate into aether or burst into flames at what she is about to say next.]

... You were right.

[Fuck. She wants to shatter her skull and rip off her skin for saying that.]

[He stiffens at first, his thoughts and heart racing for a moment before he tries to steady himself.]

...That's not important right now.

[She feels him stiffen, and she swears she feels his pulse quicken too, her head resting right where his heart races, and she knows what he is doing. She would have been prepared to do it only hours ago too, but being up where there was nothing but her and the wind... she thought and thought about things that she would rather have never faced again. About the memories that resurfaced after seeing the fear in that woman's eyes and feeling her own guilt that she could not do it. She couldn't bring herself to take her.

Her own regrets...]

Is it really not?

[She doesn't mean for her voice to sound so hardened and sharp, a hurt edge honed to it in just a few short moments at his deflection because she knows that isn't the truth.]

[There's again some of that tension as he averts his gaze, but it's not because he doesn't want to talk about it or address it. Just...]

...I just don't want you to think that way.

[Right or wrong... Given his own fate and how things turned out, did it really matter in the end? At the very least, even if he hears it, he doesn't feel any better about it. No sense of triumph or vindication. Just... More hurt, guilt, and sadness than anything else. Because if he had been right, then he should have done more.

However, he knows this is also important to her, so after another moment he looks at her.]

So... Tell me more.

[Why she's telling him this and what made her come to this point.]

[Her hand continues running those lines along his spine, the thought swirling deep in her gaze as she stares at his lips and not his eyes. The temptation to just kiss him and convey all of her thoughts and feelings that way again is there, and it's strong, but...

She knows that they will have to face this eventually. She could run and run and run and then fly as fast as she could, beat her wings as hard as she could, but she will never outrun this... Never outrun them. And it's finally caught up to her tonight.

After six years... all it took was one woman.]

You were right about her... and me... That I saw it.

[Her own reflection.]

[So this is where they start... All right, he can work with that.]

I can't blame you, really... Not with how similar things were. I could see it, too.

Perhaps that's why I was prepared to simply take her. Why I was adamant about it.

[... She falls silent for a moment, her hand stopping on his back, and the next words come slowly. Carefully. Her own heart races now, fear gripping her that he might push her away, that he might not want to listen or hear it. That she could be making a terrible mistake...

But she pushes through.]

I did not want the same to happen to her.

[Because they're so close, he can feel her tensing and her heart race.

Not wanting the same to happen...

He's quiet for a moment before he answers.]

Afraid of her being trapped?

Trapped...

[She repeats in affirmation, but her nails will suddenly dig into the skin on his back.]

...And afraid. Alone.

[While she had her Intelligencers at her side at all times, and her King, and hell, even Hugo... there is a difference between people being there and not being alone. Empty.]

[He just nods, feeling those nails dig into him. But it's the words that pain him more, now realizing what she really must have been feeling all this time. What she hid so well that even he could not have perceived it.]

...Why didn't you tell me?

[She huffs, part-laugh part-sigh that skims across his lips as she lifts her gaze to his at last.]

And when would I have told you? Even when our paths did cross...

[It was brief, and the exchanges cold and distant. She had loathed his very existence, spat poison at him for abandoning his post, his king... and most importantly, leaving her.]

It was not as if we were exactly kind to one another.

[His lips purse because... She's right. But—]

But what about before? Did you feel any of it before?

[Before he left. In that time when things between started to drift and then broke completely apart.]

[Before...

Looking back, those had been the hardest months of her life. Not the ones that came after his departure, nor the ones that came before meeting him, or the times she spent growing into her own shoes in Waloed through the years. It was those nights when she would crawl into his bed and wonder if he still wanted her there, and then the nights that they spent apart.

Is it even possible for her to move any closer to him? She would squeeze him tighter to her if it weren't for that wound on his side, but she settles for tangling her legs with his instead.]

... When I was with you?

[Again he doesn't immediately answer, needing to try and parse her words. Because... He does wonder. Was she ever afraid of him? Did he ever make her feel trapped? Lonely? Especially in those later months...]

...Aye.

[...Had he been so lacking that she would run to someone else?]

Did I ever make you feel that way?

[Not even directly, but also indirectly. She may not have been afraid of him, but not safe enough with him. May not have felt trapped by him in one sense, but perhaps in another... So many ways this could mean.]

[She doesn't even hesitate. Doesn't even think before she leans in and kisses him, as if to eat those words right out of his mouth and spit them back out. It's a firm kiss, one that's filled with that pent-up desperation she's been harbouring since she climbed through his window. But it's one that now feels like she's been holding it for years and years...

And in case that or the emotion swimming in her eyes when she pulls back don't answer his question...]

You were the one who made me feel...anything.

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