escordvi | closed ⚡🪶 and forevermore, i'll be chasing the storm we had.

[But she does. She feels responsible for everything that happened on that ship tonight, including this. Especially this. She had gotten too caught up in her head, too confident in their abilities that she didn't stop to think for a moment. Which is a strange admission to make, and her skin continues to crawl with disgust at herself for it.

She's becoming too soft, and it is entirely his fault.]

But I am.

[—which is why she blurts that out without thinking.]

You warned me, and now look at you.

[It isn't just the bandages, but she lifts her hand and cards her fingers through his hair.]

[There's a slight furrow of his brows as he stares at her. How guilty must she feel if she's actually admitting it? And given how they left on the boat, he does have a sense it's not just the bandages or what happened on the ship.

He's silent for a moment before he finally decides to pierce through the heart of all this. Otherwise they will keep going in circles.]

You saw yourself in that girl.

[And pierce through the heart of it he does. Right through its center. She stiffens, going as taut as a bowstring against him, and she feels like her heart has stopped in her chest. It's one thing for her to think it to herself, to work through her thoughts and emotions to come to that conclusion on her own, but it's another to hear it voiced... and by him, no less.

So there's a long stretch of silence because what does she say to that besides that he's right? Words that she never imagined she'd want to utter in her life ever again, and yet here she is, fighting them back while also fighting the urge to tell him how wrong he is.

That Benedikta was different.

But she can't.]

She was foolish to stay behind...

[Who was...]

[This is... Going to be a very delicate line to walk. But he will continue to speak slowly and softly.]

How so?

[A very delicate line indeed, for both of them... but Benedikta is far too tired to try and break that line tonight. She's done too much flying, too much thinking, too much trying to run from those feelings that her heart is just exhausted from it all.

What she needs now is to let it all rest. Not to fight with him.]

She was wrong... about us. About what was the safest option. The best option for her.

Maybe.

[Something of a pensive look before he sighs.]

But that's not our decision to make. It's hers...regardless if it's wrong or right.

To her, we broke in and posed as much of a threat as anyone else. Anyone could have said and offered the same thing, but how is she supposed to believe it? We know we're sincere, but she does not... So she chose the place she already knew was safe, people she trusted.

[Such a very, very thin line. He really is trying to keep it on the girl, but... It's impossible to not hear this echoing for them.]

[The more he says, the harder it becomes for Benedikta to draw that line between them.

How was she supposed to believe it, regardless of how sincere it all was? Those promises? When she already had a perfectly solid ground beneath her feet, why walk away from it?]

... But she would have been safe, though... would she not have?

[And, knowing that he probably senses it too, her arm slides around his side, carefully avoiding the bandages, and she moves closer to him.]

Maybe.

[His own hold tightens a little as he lets out a breath.]

Or... Maybe it would be more dangerous. Perhaps we would be painted as the villains, kidnapping a poor girl and we now have both sides against us.

[A logic he had used for his own decision...the risk of having both Barnabas and Hugo after them and endangering everyone else he had hoped to save, including her. He wonders if she can catch that subtle hint.

However, in this case...]

Because... There is a difference.

[He looks at her carefully.]

It would be one thing if we were taking her out from the man chasing her. But she was already running—the Paladins were helping her escape. Not holding her back.

[She can.

And when his eyes land on her to stare, really bear into her soul, she can't bring herself to meet them when she fears she might break under the intensity of it... because she can catch his meaning there, too. This isn't just about the seamstress, this is about them. Them and their past and the rude awakening that tonight has given her.

Getting caught up in all the what-ifs she's tried to avoid being caught up in.

As if she hadn't already felt terrible enough about this...

Still, she can't help but think...]

And what if that man does find her? What if she doesn't run far enough?

He won't.

[His voice is firmer, almost harder as he continues to stare at her.]

Because you won't let him.

[His voice softens a bit.]

There are more ways than one go protect someone. And that includes working in the shadows where you can't be seen. To try and change things around them even if they might not notice.

[That draws her eyes back up, as if he reeled her gaze in himself, and there's something curious and maybe even hopeful that sparks in them.

She takes a slow breath in, and she's scared to ask...]

... Such as?

[But she does anyway. She does, because they are talking about the seamstress, right? More ways to protect that woman than simply just taking her... ways that she might not even realize?]

Well...

[He drags the word out, but he already knows his answer for this.]

Just kill him.

[A nonchalant shrug.]

Edited 2024-01-28 02:37 (UTC)

[Her breath catches again, although for an entirely different reason.]

You say that as if it were that simple...

[He says everything as if it were so simple... and whether he is talking about this situation or their own, her response doesn't change. She remembers how she had specifically asked him not to... practically begged him...]

That is hardly working from the shadows.

Well if you rush into it head first, no. But sneak in and just—

[A harsh sound of his teeth to mimick the sound of a knife cutting a throat.]

None the wiser.

[Totally hasn't imagined numerous scenarios for this... No... Course not...]

[She just gives him a pointed look through his dramatic show, the daggers in her stare at odds with the way her fingers continue to caress up and down his spine.]

Thought about this, have you?

[Without giving him time to respond, she tips her head towards him, eyes softening again.]

Would that I could... but I don't know where to start looking.

[She may not have let him respond, but that cold gleam in his eyes, a rare sight indeed, is enough of an indicator that yes. Yes he has. How could he not? Especially in those immediate days, weeks, months... Not that he was foolish enough to act on it, the power difference was too great. Yet another sore point to it all. And the only reason he didn't take another opportunity here in this world where they had more equal footing was because of her begging him not to. Otherwise...

Anyway.]

I already have my men looking into it, but there's sure to be a trail. Given how the man seems to be hiding, there may be others who have caught wind of the truth about this little bounty and also seeking him out.

[A small pause as he looks her over.]

You could try teaming up with them.

Edited 2024-01-28 02:59 (UTC)

[She does not miss that dark shadow that falls over his eyes, that protective spark that could make her knees weak if she weren't already lying in bed next to him. Yet, somehow, it does, along with hearing that he has, indeed, already started looking into it.

There's just something about his power...]

I could.

[Her other hand searches blindly for his so that she might lock their fingers together loosely.]

But I don't want to team up with them.

[Whoever they are.]

[It's only when her hand finds his that his expression finally softens, and his fingers will thread with hers—and act that had become so natural now.]

I know. But you should.

[A light tap of his forehead against hers.]

Of course I will work with you as well, but you really should try and make more connections and allies, even if just superficial.

[Maybe it's the way she wants to make up for lost time. Maybe it's the way that she can't ever quite get him out of her head when he isn't around. Maybe it's the way that she misses his goddamn presence... but other connections, other allies—if she can even call anyone that—is not what she wants. Not right now.]

I have...

[She pouts at him, her forehead tipping to tap his back.]

But not for this.

[This is something that digs far deeper than any other job she could take, and the thought of having to do it without his strength behind her is daunting.]

[Here is he trying to help her not rely on him so much...yet considering the circumstances, their history, what it all means to her, how can he not relent? So there's a small squeeze of his fingertips against hers.]

All right, it will just be me and you. But you do realize we may end up crossing paths with others, aye? At least should that moment come, at least try to work with them then. Perhaps others were in a similar position and feel the same as you.

[He should know that even that is a lot to ask. There are few that Benedikta would allow to work at her side, and even fewer that she would trust, and none that would ever know why she was so invested in this woman's fate, as well as the Corsair's, in the first place. Strangely enough, the only person in this world that she trusts with that is Cid...

Funny how things have worked out that way.

Funny how she finds herself slipping further against him, needing his closeness now more than she ever has.

Funny how she finds herself saying these words without thought.]

... I don't know that I can do this without you.

[His arm around her tightens, letting her have all that warmth and assurance that she wants.]

I think you can...but I know this is difficult, so I'll be with you every step of the way.

You're not alone. That's all I want you to know.

[If only she'd heard that six years ago...

But it's not a thought that she has the space to linger on... not when he holds her so tight, so close, and not when she wishes he would just crush her to him and not ever free her again.

She dips her head, burying it in his chest, seeking the strength that comes from his body, his warmth, his scent... everything. Once, it would have made her feel weak, would have made her hate herself for wanting it so much, but now, it's the only thing that keeps her tethered and grounded in the present.

Even when he is also the only person that puts her at risk of falling back into the past just as easily.]

Cidolfus...

[The way that she says his name is tentative and slow, like she's scared she might either disintegrate into aether or burst into flames at what she is about to say next.]

... You were right.

[Fuck. She wants to shatter her skull and rip off her skin for saying that.]

[He stiffens at first, his thoughts and heart racing for a moment before he tries to steady himself.]

...That's not important right now.

[She feels him stiffen, and she swears she feels his pulse quicken too, her head resting right where his heart races, and she knows what he is doing. She would have been prepared to do it only hours ago too, but being up where there was nothing but her and the wind... she thought and thought about things that she would rather have never faced again. About the memories that resurfaced after seeing the fear in that woman's eyes and feeling her own guilt that she could not do it. She couldn't bring herself to take her.

Her own regrets...]

Is it really not?

[She doesn't mean for her voice to sound so hardened and sharp, a hurt edge honed to it in just a few short moments at his deflection because she knows that isn't the truth.]

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