escordvi | closed 🪶⚡ i'll be the light to lead you home

Me?

[She is a bit surprised by his question, enough that she pulls back from him far enough to look at him, and far enough that he'll see the beginnings of those tears. She falters, one stumbling over her cheek, that she quickly wipes away.

Silence echoes through the room for a while, though it is not the kind that answers his question. It's more that she tries to find the right words to say at a time when they do not come so easily to her. If she was sure that a kiss would be enough to chase away those insecurities, she would simply go through with that, but right now, always, he deserves more. He deserves to hear it.]

In the beginning, you know that I have had my doubts. I was not sure if we could move on from everything, or that I could ever fully forgive you for it all... but that was a long time ago.

[Those days feel like an eternity ago now. A single speck of sand in a sea of good, happier memories.]

But now? [Her hand moves to caress his cheek.] I am sure that there is no one else I would rather see a future with.

[Those words do not come easily when the feelings behind them seem to overwhelm her, but she pushes through with a trembling breath.]

Hells, Cidolfus, we vanquished the god who would see us ruined today. I am certain that this we would not fail at. And even if we did stumble, I've faith that you would be able to pick us both back up and continue on until we managed.

[She leans in now and presses her lips to his gently.]

I think you have done a fine job so far.

[That silence gnaws at his nerves, those doubts starting to dig in and deepening even though he knows it shouldn't. Knows she wouldn't still be here or trying so hard if she didn't believe in him in some way. But then again, he had once thought the same before...

So there is some—no, a lot of relief when she finally speaks, even if at first the works prick him like thorns. But as she continues, his own emotions start to sway and rumble like a ship in a storm, trying to stay collected while wanting to be at the mercy of those waves.

Instead he has the mercy of her words and then her lips, a kiss so sweet and gentle that carries with it a strong wind that blows everything else away. A wind that helps soothe those scars that had been left bare.]

Do you really think that?

[His voice is quiet against her lips, wanting to hear that reassurance one more time.]

[And no matter how many times he needs or wants that reassurance, she will give it to him.

Her gaze dips away from his, her head tilting so that she can follow the trail of her fingers down, over his throat, his shoulder, his chest, all the way until she reaches that scar again.

This one is not just a scar marking the flesh, but it is one that she knows leaves one that is far beneath the surface. An untouchable one that he has borne for all these months without a soul to help soothe the ache. It has always felt like a place she could not reach, but tonight, she feels like she can.]

If I did not truly and unconditionally believe it, I would not still be here.

[And in case that is not enough:]

I believe it. Truly and unconditionally.

[Her other hand finds his and she tangles their fingers together before she tugs, gently, a silent signal for him to follow her out of the bath.]

Come...

[His expression flickers a little questioningly at the signal. He still feels he hasn't done enough for her as he had said he would, but in reality they had been in the tub for quite some time. He can't really protest against her, either, because at least in this moment he wants to let her lead him in that way she has more recently. In the few but important times when she had to play his role instead.

So he'll follow her, helping to grab some towels to dry them off at least.]

[He has done enough—more than enough for her today, and every day, to more than make up for it. And she would not have heard otherwise as she guides him out of the bath, the water and soap falling and splashing around them. She helps him dry, rubbing the towel gently over his head and dabbing his skin, allowing him to do the same for her.

It's not until a couple minutes later, when she's nearly finished that she speaks, her voice soft against his lips as she presses another kiss to them.]

... Do you believe me?

[He closes his eyes when she dries his hair, even lowering his head so that she has easier access while he gently dries her off in turn. By now he's neatly wrapped the towel around her in some courtesy and he looks up at her at her question.]

I do.

[And then a wane smile.]

Perhaps it's myself who I'm having difficulty believing in.

[Which he knows is stupid. He knows it's Ultima dragging out those old fears and doubts, turning a reasonable caution into something more. Though perhaps it's also the fact that such a doubt even existed that also bothers him.]

Edited 2024-11-21 23:15 (UTC)

[She tosses the towel aside, kissing him again.]

You are not supposed to be the one with so little faith in himself.

[That is to say that she knows what that feels like, and there's a small cant of her head, a sheepish smile flickering over her expression.]

I wish that you could see yourself the way that I see you.

[Taking his hands, she'll lead him out of the room and back towards their bed.]

Edited 2024-11-21 23:22 (UTC)

[He had heard similar words before, and there's a quiet hum as her kiss lingers on his lips. Really, to have her so worried and trying so hard to comfort him...]

You just think too highly of me.

[Half teasing, half sincere as he lets her lead him back to the bed before flopping down onto it. While he would acknowledge he has his accomplishments and can do great things, it never goes beyond that. But he's also well aware how high people tend to place him on that metaphorical pedestal, a place that always seemed too high. Fortunately, he doesn't really try to live up to those lofty expectations...at least not too much. Never hurts to have some high goals if they are possible.]

Perhaps.

[She does not climb on top of him like he may be expecting but instead, she lies down next to him, curling up against his side. Though her head does not come to rest on his chest where it usually does. Instead, she gazes down at him, nothing but fondness brimming in her eyes, touched with a bit of sadness.]

Or perhaps I am merely in love.

[They could go hand in hand.

Her fingers trace a line down from his collarbone, her eyes trailing after.]

Even still... you may have many now, but I like them. Your scars...

[And she does not just mean the physical ones.]

[He did wonder what she had in mind given the usual flow of things, but he doesn't mind this. If anything he prefers the calmer moment right now, still tired both physically and emotionally. But he can't help but smile, warmth flowing through at her words of love.]

Do you now?

[Her hand finds one of the newer scars on his arm.]

I do.

[She brings her lips to it.]

I only wish that you would let me see them more often... That you do not try to hide them for my sake.

[He knows which scars she speaks of there as she's well acquainted with the ones she can already see. So he just watches her for a moment, her lips both warm with their comfort yet also stirring various things, both provocative and contemplative.]

Figured that out, eh?

A long time ago.

[She stretches over him like a cat, her lips brushing over that scar before it moves on to another, closer to his shoulder.]

How am I supposed to help heal them if you hide them all the time?

[A rough laugh as he closes his eyes, mentally following her movements.]

You have your own worries...and mine aren't worth your trouble.

[He says, but he says it with resignation, knowing she'll protest. So it's not really any real protest or argument, just...an excuse he gives.]

And I say your worries are my own.

[He was right to think so, and it is only an excuse, but she does nip at the skin just beneath his collarbone in warning.]

They are as much a part of you as anything else... and I rarely have the chance to see or appreciate them.

[She reaches the large one at his stomach, where Ultima had pierced him in the Mothercrystal's chamber. Where she had to watch him... It sits next to the one that Garuda had given him. Here, she hesitates.]

[He feels that warning with a slight flinch, but not really one out of pain. More of a reflective action out of guilt.

As he feels her hand and knowing where it is, his own will move to rest over hers, guiding her closer to it.]

And what will you do once you have?

[Her fingers nearly retract away when he does, her whole hand tensing under his guidance. It's not as if this is the first time that she's seen it, and she has faced it once before when it had barely healed over, but today had been such a painful reminder of that day that, for a moment, she sees it as she had on the beach after they had landed. And then the weeks later when she'd helped clean and wrap it again.

Her eyes move up to meet his briefly before they look over those two scars, and finally, her fingers move over them.]

Why? Are you afraid that I will run?

...Perhaps.

[He had felt how her hand tensed, and he knows how difficult this is for the both of them.]

That it might be too much for you to handle.

[Or she might think lesser of him...though at least that doubt is not as prominent these days.]

[She flashes him a small, rueful smile.]

Have you so little faith in me?

[It's more a tease than an actual question or worry, as she leans in to kiss him, her lips tracing along the edges of the one from Ultima, carefully and consciously avoiding Garuda's for now. That wound is still too fresh in her mind, the memories brought back only just today of what transpired.

Her eyes soften as she looks up at him from where she lays her head, her breath ghosting over his skin.]

... You know that I won't, yes? That you could bear a thousand of them, and I would love each and every one.

[That he could carry those weights, those burdens, the guilt and the regrets for years to come, and she would be there to bear them with him. But maybe a small part of her needs to know that he remembers that.]

[Were this any other time this would be far more provocative.... And although the feel of her lips on those scars do send a tingle of warmth through him, it's softer rather than heated. He can only tilt his head so that he can look down at her, every gesture and word so sweet that now he knows how she feels when he smothers her with his love and kindness. How crushing it feels...but it's not a bad weight, either. If anything he finds himself wishing to bury himself further in the warmth she wishes to provide.]

...I know.

[Perhaps not so long ago he may have still wondered, but not now. Not anymore. Yet somehow that also makes it more difficult. At least before he had an excuse, now... Now he has nothing to fall behind.

So he lets out a small huff of amusement.]

And now I think I know how you feel whenever I overwhelm you.

[Another soft press of her lips to his skin, this time tracing over the center of it.]

Is this overwhelming you?

[There is a smile behind the tender glint in her eyes. Yes, this is very much what it feels like when he showers her with love and reassurances. She never quite knows what to do with herself when it does become overwhelming, and when she is the one being crushed under that weight.

But she will say... It does feel nice to be on the other side of that.]

Cidolfus, all I want... is for you to know that these scars...those memories...

[She pauses and searches for his hand, lacing her fingers with his.]

They do not mean failure on your part.

[His once relaxing body stiffens at that, and it takes a moment before he releases a breath.]

Then what do they mean?

[He's not really seeking an answer...he thinks he knows. But he wants to hear what she thinks since he does sometimes see them as reminders of what he couldn't do or stopping short of his goals.]

[She had a feeling that he would ask, and so she meets his eyes evenly, a flame lighting hers. Still, she continues to worship them with her lips and her fingers, and still, he continues to doubt himself. There is not a doubt of her own that this will continue to plague him in the months, years, eternities to come, and perhaps there is not much she can do about that, but that does not mean she will simply give up.]

They mean that you tried, and you fought, and still... you are alive to tell the tales of them.

[And while that may not mean much given their ends in Valisthea, she thinks now—because of him—that it should mean something here.

She pauses, trying to choose her next thought carefully.]

I do not know if I have ever said to you what it means that you kept your promise...

Edited 2024-11-22 06:57 (UTC)

[Her words do resonate with him, even if it make take some time for him to fully commit to it. At the very least, he can believe in it a bit more, especially since he's certain he's told others or heard similar elsewhere.

Reminders that he tried, fought, and still alive.

True it may not mean much back in their world, but here...

A reminder of that second chance.

When he looks at her, that kind of thinking is easier to believe, and really, a part of him wants to believe in it. While it's a blessing that he doesn't dwell on those failures, those still exist in those dark recesses of the mind, ready to crop up should he become vulnerable again. If he could believe in her words, then it would be far easier to fight back against those thoughts, to not let himself be so vulnerable.

A vulnerability that will be pricked again when she mentions the promise.]

...What did it mean?

[She recalls on his words earlier, about how he felt he'd lost a big part of the reason he'd done everything after she'd died. Sadness creeps into her expression, and she runs her finger idly along both of the scars now, watching as it glides over the raised lines on his skin while she thinks. The silence is anything but heavy on her part, but she still breaks it with a soft sigh.]

Everything.

[The word tumbles out of her first, like a breath of relief.

It meant everything to her knowing that he'd kept that promise, or that he'd even remembered it from all those years ago. Even if it had torn them apart at one point, she has been trying not to look at it that way.]

These are proof that you had not ever given up on that... even after everything.

[And perhaps it is a bit presumptuous of her to say so, but it's the truth.]

You did not give up on me...

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